To ask if you'd be ok with your DP doing a hobby 3-5 evenings a week?

[Iamsohungryy]

If it were a competitive sport and you had no kids. Sometimes once or twice a week, but they keep taking on new things so there can be weeks where it's Monday to Friday. This is living together btw. Or would you find it too much?

Not really no

That’s half his spare time / which shows you where you are as a priority

Unless you are very casual & you do stuff 3-4 nights a week too, but you’re living together…

If no kids then I'd don't think I'd mind too much at 3 or 4 nights a week if weekends were still free. 5 nights might be a bit much if every week.

I try to do things once or twice a week and go and see my own family, but some nights i just like to rest/sleep and the house needs cleaning.

Depends really. Does it take the whole evening?

Until 10/11 usually

Depends on the couple. I know of one where one of them coached at elite level 6-9pm Monday to Friday and Saturday 9am-2pm 50 weeks of the year -as a volunteer! It seemed to work for them, but it definitely wouldn’t work for me.

Bluntly, if the alternative to doing a sport or whatever that I love and going to sleep or cleaning, I’d choose the hobby — why wouldn’t I?

Pre children, I would have felt a little neglected.

With children, definately no chance would dh be ducking out of parental responsibilities.

Now the children have grown up and left home, I wouldnt mind so much tbh. I just enjoy the peace tbh.

Not much point being together if he’s out 5 nights a week. I find 3 ok but 5 too many. If you had kids this would cause deep resentment…

Be wary if you ever have children and the hobby's are still no1.
Lots of women on MN saying oh disappearing to hobbies and receive little help with the children etc.

Oh no I would not be happy with that at all. Once or twice a week ok, certainly not 5 nights a week.
There’s no reason to live together, he may as well go and live elsewhere.

I wouldn't complain as I used to go to the gym about 4 nights a week straight from work and didn't get home until 8pm.

Sounds like an affair.Are you sure the hobby is the real reason.

5 too much. 3 ok. As long as he was still pulling his weight around the house and also actively focused on nurturing our relationship.

Are kids on the cards in the future?

Only if its housework. If he does it properly, he should work up quite a sweat.

But the house still needs to be cleaned

Does he do his half when he is there, or do you do it all because he spends all his time at his work/hobbies/eating/sleeping/spending ‘quality’ time together?

I'd say I do 80%

Is the housework split equally?
Do you both have same amount of ‘me time’ - regardless of how you spend it?

Or does he expect you to do more as he is busy doing his important thing…?

When is he doing his share? When is he spending time with you?

I wouldn't say he expects it, but i automatically do it because I don't want to live in a pig sty and have high standards

I just think that's how society is, the woman is 'expected' to take on most of it, and it's wrong.

If this is the early days I see a put upon future for you if you stay with him.

It doesn’t matter what we think.

is it how you want to live?

it would be enough to ltb for some people and other would barely notice. But your life is yours and you are allowed preferences.