To ask if you'd be ok with your DP doing a hobby 3-5 evenings a week?

[Iamsohungryy]

If it were a competitive sport and you had no kids. Sometimes once or twice a week, but they keep taking on new things so there can be weeks where it's Monday to Friday. This is living together btw. Or would you find it too much?

I have kids, so that's another level of chores and mess appearing out of nowhere 😂

But pre-kids, I have never felt responsible for shopping, cooking or cleaning for anyone else. I can keep my stuff tidy, I can put a bowl of soup in the microwave that I bought on my way home from the gym, I would have no interest in having to share 50/50 unwanted and unnecessary chores.
Package of my soup goes in the bin, the bowl and spoon in the dishwasher, it takes 30 seconds.

If DH was annoyed to have to do the clearing up because I had decided to cook a 3 course meal that no one asked for, I wouldn't have blamed him.

Now we have kids to feed, so it's no longer optional, sadly.

If, as you say, it's a competitive sport then it's not a "hobby". You can't just dip in and out in between hoovering, attendance at training and games is expected.

And anyway, spending time at home to be nagged about cleaning the house doesn't sound like a great night in tbh.

My partner swims every day. Has done since Covid with brief interludes with slightly less. Currently he does 6 days a week. Monday he goes at 8pm, Tuesday he goes straight from work and is back at 8pm, Wednesday he slips, Thursday straight from work but then he goes straight to his mums afterwards, Friday he goes at 6am, Saturday and Sunday he goes at 6.45pm.
so I do bed time on my own 4x a week.
we have 3 children, 16,7 and 2. Both work full time.
im ok with it really, and when im
not i say so and he pulls it back a bit for a while.

I wouldn't be ok with it no. Neither would my Husband though to be honest. We both feel like it’s important to make time for each other. Otherwise, what’s the point of living together if you spend up to 5 nights a week apart?

He’s not necessarily wrong, I’d just question your compatibility.

I find it interesting that some posters feel it would mean their partner didn't want to spend time with them. I've just totted up and allowing for work (including getting ready) and hobbies we still spend 40% of our waking hours together. 10-12 hours of hobbies out of a possible 50 odd that we have to do what we want with each week seems a really good balance to me. I think the difficulty comes if you struggle to spend that time alone.
If you have childcare to account for it's a completely different situation. As some posters have said, it depends what the alternative is too, I wouldn't want to sit at home watching TV every night when we can be doing things that are more fun!
My mum did this for years, she didn't want my dad out every night but didn't want to do anything either. She just wanted him to watch TV with her.
There does need to be flexibility there too sometimes, we will both change plans if we have something else planned.

Unfortunately I agree,especially until10/11 at night.

It's up to you if you're compatible. I wouldn't mind at all. I'd love all the time to myself in the house. But are you spending time together at the weekend? Depends how old you are too and if you plan to build a family. Have you considered taking up one of his hobbies and doing something as a couple?

So he is out 5 nights a week. Does he also work out of the house? How much cleaning is there required for it not to be a ‘pigsty’?

No kids involved then I wouldn’t be hanging this on an issue of sharing cleaning. And I wouldn’t stay in to clean. Do you want to spend more time with your partner OP?

If we didn’t have kids, I’d be fine with 3 nights a week, or more on occasion. I wouldn’t be happy with 5 nights on a regular basis.

is it that hard to comprehend that some people don't want to just sit down and watch tv but need to do some kind of activity most nights, without needing "affairs"?

it must be claustrophobic to live with people so insecure and obsessed with "affairs'.

No I wouldn’t like it at all.

For the record I’ve not read the whole thread…
I split with the love of my life for this very reason.
He was gym and fitness 5 nights a week. I felt second best. Was 28 years ago and I’m married with kids but I still think and dream of him regularly.

So you clean the house while he goes out to do his hobby? That should tell you all you need to know.

and what do you need to know?

Many of us would not need to clean their house several times a week with 2 full-time working adults.

If the OP wants to chill at home, it's her right, but who's expecting her to spend her evenings cleaning?