To think driving is very hyped up?

[Countbinface39]

I recently passed my test at almost 40. It took me 8 attempts, I'd had lessons on and off over the years and resigned myself to not driving. It was a relief to pass, not because I desperately needed to drive but because of the social pressure.
I am glad I have the option and don't have to do it again, I genuinely believed I wasn't cut out for driving.
There's a lot of hyperbole around driving which didn't help. I had people telling me I'd 'finally get my independence' when I passed. I own my own house, lived alone abroad for years, completely financially independent.
Also 'your life will finally start!' I'd like to think it started many years ago! I've never lived in very remote areas so luckily I wasn't heavily reliant on it, I never got lifts. I paid for ubers etc. But that's hardly the same as someone giving you a free lift!
I think a lot of people project their own experience onto you- they're maybe thinking of being 17 and relying on parents to get anywhere.
Driving has certainly given me more options, but it's hardly this magic carpet- still have to pay for the car, insurance, deal with dangerous drivers, parking, traffic etc- people always forget those things!
Someone even said my partner must 'have the upper hand' in our relationship because he had a car, which is ridiculous. People work as a team, you could apply that logic to anything, people who earn more, etc.
Anyway, rant over! I've got myself a cheap little runner that gets me from A to B, that's another thing some people comment on, if it's under 10k,15k, whatever it's going to fall apart the minute you get into it. More nonsense, i think the stress of being the only non-driver got to me, i felt like it was a very normal part of life I'd never get to do, but I'm glad I've got it.

I agree, I think far more people would be better off not driving, but people expect you to learn. I couldn’t live where I live without driving, but would happily live somewhere with better public transportation and walk ability if I didn’t drive. Once the DC are older DH and I plan to retire somewhere we aren’t as reliant on the car.

It has an impact. Your life is narrower and smaller as a result. The only difference is, you have accepted that limitation. That’s not the same as it not being there. You are limited. Just because you want to be limited, does not mean you are independent. You’ve had to curb your life to a narrower confine than others.

The lack of desire to go places came before the issue of not being able to learn to drive. I didn’t start lessons until my forties so as far as I knew, I was going to have no issue in learning, there was just no point. I only started lessons because I was pressured into it.

If it makes you feel better to
believe that I secretly desire to travel the country but have accepted my lot, then do so. But I haven’t been on holiday since before the age I could have legally driven and there isn’t a single situation that would have arisen where being able to drive would improve my life.

And I am in fact independent. If I need to be somewhere then I go there. Outside of work, I neither need nor desire it.

But being able to drive wouldn’t limit you continuing to live as you do. It would just give you broader options should your lack of desire ever change. Of course, it may never change and you may feel comfortable to continue as you are… but you never know!

GET AN UBER

I have Dyspraxia and I just can't do it.
I would love the added independence that comes along with it and not having to rely on public transport to get everywhere.
It does keep me quite stress free while travelling though as I pop my headphones on and listen to music or a podcast while commuting which is quite nice.

Uber doesnt operate everywhere.

I didn't take my test until I was 33, which was considered quite old to start driving back in the late 80's. If you've never driven then you build your life accordingly and you become good at it. But I must admit, I am so glad I learned to drive. I was able to go self employed which (in my sector) would've been impossible without a car. And I was able to take my son places that public transport simply didn't go. I mean, it doesn't go everywhere and it isn't phenomenally reliable in the UK even if it does. You can also better dictate your own schedule. And no more lugging heavy shopping home, although that doesn't apply so much these days I appreciate.

Given it hasn’t changed in the last 55 years, I’m confident that it won’t now. Like I said, I only started lessons in my 40s because I was pressured to. I hadn’t needed it up to then and I still don’t need it.

Being ND, I’m not prone to sudden changes of mind or personality.

The only difference if I could drive is that I would be thousands of pounds worse off. How is that freedom or independence?

It is like having children - I kind of get why people want to do it but it would certainly not improve my life if I did it, in fact quite the opposite!

You are probably around the same age as me and I remember a lot of my contemporaries learning as soon as they were 17.

I didn’t ‘build my life’ around not being able to drive. I didn’t learn to drive until my 40s because I had no need to. The relief when I realised it wasn’t going to happen was definite!

I don’t need to learn to ski or swim either but some would claim they are essential life skills.

If I did need to go somewhere then either I can get there on a train or I can’t. If I can’t then I don’t go. Even if I can, I generally don’t go if I can avoid it.

And if you can list three things I may have missed out on, then I’m interested to hear them.

I think it depends where you live. When I lived in cities I barely drove. Now I live somewhere with poor public transport. If I had to rely on it to get to work my job opportunities would be very limited.

I have the job of my dreams. Nobody on earth would have taken a chance and offered me the job outside of my current company. And it’s a few miles down the road.

If I didn’t work there, I would still be doing the same dull job.

I will never drive because of dyspraxia. But if I needed to be in some remote part of the country by 6am tomorrow morning I could get there using trains and tubes.

I don't think it's overhyped. It's a very important skill. But then I live rurally and you'd be looked at funny if you didn't drive around here. Centre of London, not so much.

That said I always find it a bit annoying when someone doesn't drive out of choice, but then expects others to give them lifts when they want to attend social or family event out of town.

If you spend all day travelling the day before and organise an overnight hotel stay, then yes.

Don't worry OP, I took 5 times to pass (admittedly one time I forgot the photo part of my driving licence! 😅 😆😳), and my driving instructor said I wasn't a "natural driver"...but here I am, 25 years later, an experienced driver.

Ignore the twits who are rudely saying things about the number of times you have taken to pass. It's shown tenacity and the fact you have kept going to improve, and that's better than being blasé and thinking you're a great driver first time. 🥰

An hour in the air versus four hours in a car is a no brainer. Even if I could drive I’d still choose to fly

An hour in the air plus god knows how many hours getting through security

Again that's a city-centric attitude as presumably you are pretty close to an airport and have good public transport links to get there.

Out in the regions, your nearest airport could be a two hour drive away, then you have 2/3 hours provision to park/shuttle bus/check in/security/passport control, etc.

By the time you take off, you could easily be five hours towards your destination by car.

I’m in my 40s now, and I can honestly say, I’ve never once heard anyone talk about driving as is it were a religion 😳

My OH passed on his seventh attempt, more than thirty years ago. He’s been happily driving ever since without incident or accident. (He’s a really good driver but nerves got to him in the tests).

This would only work for remote areas if you were very wealthy and money was never a problem.

I was thinking about this thread yesterday. My mum is awaiting cataract surgery and can't drive while her vision is compromised. She lives a 90 minute drive from us and I've been doing the 3 hour round trip to pick her up and then another to drop her off once a week for about 6 weeks. With the summer holidays it's a bit unsustainable for me so she decided to try public transport. The kids and I accompanied her because she's not super confident and doesn't have great mobility. Jesus Christ, a 90 minute air conditioned drive takes 4.5 hours, involves sitting in boiling hot bus stations full of hostile architecture so you can't actually comfortably sit down. She needs to walk a substantial distance between buses which was fine for me and the kids but hugely challenging for my mum. It's also impossible to complete the journey without me driving her to the closest bus station and her neighbour picking her up at the final station. Well I think technically it's possible but the rural village buses often don't show up and it would increase the journey time to almost 7 hours. Ubers don't exist at either the beginning or end leg of the journey, taxis do but are expensive and you'll be waiting a long time.

Obviously someone who didn't drive wouldn't live in either of our villages, and she's going to try to sell up and move to a town close to us eventually. But oh my god, no, driving is not overrated.

Not necessarily when you weigh it against all the costs of running a car