My sons teacher was awful to my toddler and I’m still a bit confused and upset about it

[headlightshiningbright]

My ds (5, in reception) has not had a good week at school and got into quite a bit of trouble. His teacher wanted to speak to me about it which is fair enough. I am supportive of the school and I have hopefully made it clear to ds that there cannot be a repeat of this behaviour.

However, in the meeting, my nearly three year old kicked off a bit. There was a club going on next door which she wanted to join in and she ran to the door and started crying and saying she wanted to make what they were making. My DS’s teacher spoke really sharply to her, saying her name and very firmly ‘no’ - I can’t honestly say it was shouting but wasn’t far off. She then carried on telling her off.

To be honest the whole meeting felt very confrontational and while I sort of understand she wasn’t pleased with ds it felt like my parenting had been tried and felt lacking and that she needed to step in.

I don’t even know what the point to this post is! I guess I’m just wondering if others would feel a bit peculiar about it? Intentionally or otherwise it was incredibly undermining and felt horrible to be honest.

I think the thing with the jumping in the mud was that he was told to stop and didn’t and it went into another child’s face, which I agree is unacceptable. He did say he didn’t hear the TA and I am jury’s out on that; he does have moderate hearing loss so it is possible he genuinely didn’t hear, but he certainly should know better than to get mud on another child anyway.

He was also climbing on a table with some other boys and being poorly behaved at lunch time. Ds is not the most mature and if others are engaging in poor behaviour unfortunately he does too. I’m really working on it with him.

The teacher is a dick with anger issues.

You're a normal mum.

Your daughter is a normal 2 year old.

Your son is learning how to act at school because he's only five.

She will start school September 2027 as one of the youngest in the class, so she is a year and three months younger than the youngest children starting this September, which I feel is a fairly significant difference, actually.

So when the teacher had said 'no' what did you do - presumably you then took control of the situation and sorted your child out?

Sorry youre having a shit time here op

I think you have to leave it and, if she tries telling her off again, then intervene.

If you bring it up again, youll come off badly.

But I don't think youre in the wrong. Shes 3! The teacher saw an opportunity to be a dick and took it. We've all met teachers like that, they arent saints. x

Toddlers kick off, it’s their speciality. The teacher was probably fed up and pissed off and was more snappy than she should have been, you were probably feeling crap because you’ve been pulled in about your sons behaviour and that made you feel worse, she may have thought she was helping you out.

It’s done now, if she has to pull you at pick up again, ask her to email or phone you as you can’t really have a proper conversation with your toddler there. Hope you have a better week next week!

Yeah, fair enough. Sorry it didn't go well.

No issue with that but the way it was addressed was quite upsetting if I’m honest, it seemed to imply I was suggesting it would be OK if it was a child I didn’t like or something (I like all the children in DS’s class anyway but you know what I mean!)

That’s a balanced and measured response; thank you.

What 11 year old?

I don't think not quite 3 year olds area pre-schoolers, mine certainly weren't at pre-school/nursery at that point.

Sounds like the teacher had a bad day and snapped unnecessarily to me. I remember having a meeting about DS1 when DS2 was about 3. He was perfectly well behaved until we left, at which point he said "Bye Mrs" to the teacher
No name, just Mrs. She quite firmly told him off, told him how rude he was. I was a bit put out because he was only small and didn't know her name. She did apologise to him the next day!

I would be mortified if I was called into school because of my child's behaviour and then the other one kicked off.

You are part of the problem, feeling upset and confused is why alot of children are disruptive and uncontrollable. You are not taking responsibility for your children and blaming everyone else for your lack of parenting.

It was difficult with a child now probably crying and sobbing and doing the drop to the floor we (hopefully) all know and love. I just had to carry her out. The receptionist opened the doors for me and said something like ‘don’t worry, I had to do this many times with my own <name>’ (my DD and her DD have the same first name.) And indeed I think most of us have.

I was and am mortified but I don’t think no2 kicking off was because of anything wrong or untoward I did.

Agree. When i read about her pointing and saying "my make a hedgehog" it made me a bit emotional! Poor dab didnt understand.

Op it sounds like DD wasnt actually misbehaving or having a tantrum until the teacher told her off which made her cry. I would be cross too. Not sure if there is anything i would do about it, but i would absolutely hold a grudge against the teacher for eternity 😂

It’s hard as it kind of changes how you feel about people.

She will be DS’s teacher next year too then DDs for at least two years, so I’ve a long time of dealing with her and it isn’t very nice to feel like she doesn’t rate my parenting and (just being honest here) isn’t particularly fond of my children!

Which is why thousands of teachers are leaving the profession and there’s a recruitment crisis. Parents need to parent their children and stop placing inhuman demands on teachers. I wouldn’t go back into a classroom for a million pounds.

I'm talking about a parental meeting I had in my classroom, made harder by an out of control sibling.
In your story the teacher modelled to a small child the value and importance of apologising.

I don’t think they are leaving the profession because of a tantrumming two/three year old. Absolutely behaviour is part of it, and the last thing I want is for either of my children to contribute to a teachers frustration or upset. But they aren’t perfect; they get things wrong, just as I do.

Sorry! Misunderstood your post!

I think she was in teacher mode and reacting to your DS as she'd react to one of her pupils acting that way. On auto pilot.

So, I'd not take it as a slight to you or judgement of your parenting skills at all. I appreciate this is easy for me to say from a distance- I can imagine I'd be put out too OP.

I really hope so @Darlia96 , I’m surprised at how upset I am about it.

It's verging on hilarious that people think everyone has a bunch of people hanging around for last minute childcare. I had NO extra help. And My DC Dad wouldn't have been able to rush away from work for a school meeting.

'Leave with Grandma'. One, not everyone has grandparents. Two, not all grandparents actually want to look after their grandchildren. Three, even the ones who do, are likely to be working themselves.

So yes, if I had to see a lawyer and had no childcare, my toddler would be coming with me.

Try and arrange a(nother) meeting about ypur ds without your other child(ren) there. So you can focus on strategies for your ds. Especially if he has hearing loss.is the specialist teacher for hearing impaired involved?

As a mum of three and a primary school teacher, I’m wondering why on earth you brought your three year old to the meeting?
Would you bring her to the hairdressers/doctor’s/dentist’s/solictor’s with you? No you wouldn’t. And the professional that you were meeting expected to have your full attention too.