My sons teacher was awful to my toddler and I’m still a bit confused and upset about it

[headlightshiningbright]

My ds (5, in reception) has not had a good week at school and got into quite a bit of trouble. His teacher wanted to speak to me about it which is fair enough. I am supportive of the school and I have hopefully made it clear to ds that there cannot be a repeat of this behaviour.

However, in the meeting, my nearly three year old kicked off a bit. There was a club going on next door which she wanted to join in and she ran to the door and started crying and saying she wanted to make what they were making. My DS’s teacher spoke really sharply to her, saying her name and very firmly ‘no’ - I can’t honestly say it was shouting but wasn’t far off. She then carried on telling her off.

To be honest the whole meeting felt very confrontational and while I sort of understand she wasn’t pleased with ds it felt like my parenting had been tried and felt lacking and that she needed to step in.

I don’t even know what the point to this post is! I guess I’m just wondering if others would feel a bit peculiar about it? Intentionally or otherwise it was incredibly undermining and felt horrible to be honest.

Absolutely agree. Everyone over here questioning OPs parenting skills, yet I'm questioning the teachers capability as an educator if she cannot refrain from shouting at a 3 year old. Is her DS misbehaving, or is the teacher perhaps not the right fit to be teaching young children? Hmm

One of the reasons I waited a few days was because I wanted to wait and make sure I was in a place calm enough not to get upset about the inevitable assault on my parenting that would happen! I know, it’s just MN, but I wish posters would stop and think before they did it because it can be really upsetting when you’re on the receiving end of it.

I do think she was having a bad day / week and yes I will hold my hands up and admit my child was part of that and I was (am) mortified and upset by this. I’ve made it clear to him that his behaviour was unacceptable and I’ve met with the headteacher (she was the one who dealt with one of the incidents) about how it can be avoided in the future and how we can work together to prevent him making poor choices at lunchtime, which is the main issue. I’m not shrugging my shoulders and doing nothing.

Just a bit worried about going forwards I suppose as I guess I feel like my confidence in her has been broken a bit, if I’m honest.

“A baby”? There’s no baby here.

This is a hard one. The teacher stepping in to discipline the child when the parent is there, feels like overstepping a boundary somehow. My first reaction is the teacher should have waited for the parent to discipline the child or perhaps observed how the parent disciplines the child. Teachers can discipline in the classroom when parents are not around, when a parent is there, it's up to the parent - unless it goes on and on without that parent doing anything.

I agree DD isn’t a baby; she’s a toddler and an older toddler at that. But … it did feel like all of us got a sense of the teachers annoyance.

This, 100%.
If you keep your children in check, nobody else will intervene.
Saying no firmly is the way to go. There is no harm to the child. Children need boundaries and you have to show to them where they are.

Technically they’re a toddler, but they’re small and don’t have the understanding of older children. I would see a 2 year old as a baby, yes.

Sorry but I do think you should have stepped in sooner. The teacher shouldn't have to do your parenting for you. Perhaps she could have bitten her tongue, but t must be really hard for them when they are already having to discuss the behaviour of one of your children and you seem to be ignoring the poor behaviour of another. I think next time maybe just leave and rearrange for a time you can be without your toddler so you can have a proper conversation.

3 year olds are not toddlers. They are more than capable of being a co-operative part of a nursery class. Of course they misbehave, but they are developmentally (in most cases) beyond the learning to communicate, wildly emotional 1’s and 2’s.

What a ridiculous and unnecessarily bitchy comment.

I don't think thats reasonable based on her telling a child to stop misbehaving. Just focus on what you are doing to support your elder child make better choices.

The people who think I should have stepped in sooner - the only way I could have done that was if I had a crystal ball. DD was standing next to the door and the teacher next to her (she was standing there as she was looking at a book or something) and I was next to ds.

I really wasn’t standing there opening and closing my mouth like a goldfish as my child screamed the place down.

Grab her and go? What about the meeting to discuss the other child's behaviour? Should the teacher reschedule that too?

She probably was quite put out. She's spent her day dealing with your children's poor behaviour. Perhaps if you were a little sharper with them when they were kicking off, they wouldn't be so badly behaved.

Sounds like a good teacher to me. I've been in that situation too- you're in a meeting about an obnoxiously rude 11yr old whose pre-school sibling is running around your classroom and the parent is doing fuck all about it.

Just so you know teachers can be unreasonable and can also be just arseholes. People venerate them here as if they are infallible human beings but that’s just not true, they are humans and so can be very different people.
so I think this teacher may really be too strict/too sharp but it can be worse too and he can be picking on your DS as well. Keep your eyes and ears open and don’t take their word as a gospel, and protect your child if he’s being picked on.

whats the big deal with jumping in the mud? Is that the only thing the meeting was about??

I think I would have told her that she needs to not reprimand my child and that we would have to meet at a different time as my temper was about to go. That would really rub me up the wrong way.

They’ve not parented your child, they’ve just dealt with a 3 year old that is about to disrupt a meeting with their parent.

She is a few weeks shy of being three, and she is actually very well behaved at preschool.

Three (a bit like two and one I suppose) is a massive range, and there’s a vast difference between just turned three and even three and a half.

I'm surprised at a few comments on this thread. Personally I think the teacher over stepped - you were there talking about your son, she had no business saying anything to your daughter. I've seen my DC's teacher with my toddler with me before, so I can give the teacher my full attention I let my toddler run around in the room, I think that's pretty normal. Perhaps write an email or speak to her after school pick up (I would run it through AI first just so it can compose a refined and professional version vs how you actually feel! 😆)

Just to add a 3 y o is not a toddler but a preschooler. I would sympathise more if she had snapped at an 18mo, but this child is only slightly younger than some of her own new starters.

Oh that’s weird then. If she knew you had the toddler and wouldn’t be able to give the meeting your full attention but asked for the meeting any way then that’s on her really and her behaviour seems a bit harsh. Clearly she’s having a bad week (probably in part due to your DS). Still I wouldn’t worry about it

Could be because some schools totally ban mentioning even so much as another child's name to a parent, for all sorts of legitimate reasons.

No teacher would waste their time meeting a parent because a kid did a one off Peppa Pig impression.

Yes, every 3 year old I know is a perfectly civilised citizen. Most of them working by that age.

A two-year-old is not a baby under any circumstances, especially one who the OP said was three. Of course they don’t have the understanding of older children. You could say the same of any age group. For anyone to think a virtually three-year-old is a baby is just unbelievable.