School toilets

[Sweetheart1990]

School toilets!
Son text me to say he had walked out of lesson after being refused permission to go to the toilet, he had finished all his work. I have always told him to do this if he is desperate but he never actually has before.
He has been put in isolation.
I'm angry as I really believe that students should be allowed to go when they need to and he had completed all tasks so was just say in the classroom anyway.
What does everyone else think?

It disrupts lessons and you the problem of some pupils messing around in there outside of lesson time.

It really is not difficult to use the toilet at various times throughout the school day to avoid the situation of being desperate in class.

DS has toileting accidents if he cannot get to a toilet on time so I would be angry as a parent about this. His needs have been discussed with management and he can go whenever he needs to including at Tab Time prompts.

Oh come on.
It’s on him that he didn’t go before the lesson started.
Hes making excuses and so are you.
It’s parents like you ,I’m sorry to say, who make it hard for girls who hve a period start/flood. Schools have to do a blanket ban of ‘no going to the loo during lessons’ because of boys (and it’s mainly boys) who dick about before lessons and don’t go to the toilet.

So use the toilet on arrival at school. Jesus wept use a bit of common sense.

I think it depends how he left the class room. He can't help being bursting given the timings you explained as he hadn't had another toilet opportunity yet. But if he literally just walked out after being told no on one occastion then that is rude and detention-worthy. I think he needed to say something polite but insistent to the teacher such "I'm sorry sir, I'm not trying to be disrespectful by walking out but I really do need to go.to the toilet right now. I'd prefer your permission but I'm going to have to just leave without it if it I don't".

Hardly comparable.

You need to wait and get the full details and be clear about what happened. There is a difference between saying please can I go to the toilet, being told no, and walking out to asking again politely saying I’m desperate, and walking out to prevent an accident. I wonder if the fact he has texted you is also part of it that would be an automatic isolation in my DC school, as phones aren’t be used at all on school site during the day and if you are found to have been using your phone it is automatic isolation. Anyone who has worked in a school will tell you, you can’t let children go to the toilet when they want, it would be chaos. And I’m sure they would like a magic solution!

I’ll correct you there! That one teacher does! That’s not all teachers and certainly not the hundreds of teachers I’ve come across in 25 years working in schools!
And also that’s your sons version of events, I’m sure the teacher in question would have a very different take on it!! As a Hoy for 600 students he’s probably out dealing with the fallout from parents complaining because their son hasn’t been allowed to use the toilet in lessons!! 🙄

Happens all the time in meetings - never an issue
you just quietly pop out

I'd collect him immediately and let the school know he won't be doing his isolation. He's not a prisoner FFS.

I wouldn't care to hear the school's side tbh.

1. Most adults can be trusted to come back to the meeting without messing around in the toilet.
2. You do not have a duty of care over your colleagues

How ever did we get to the position whereby people are not allowed to access the roilet when they need it? Even prisoners who are jailed for the worst crimes possible are still entitled to go to the toilet when they need it.

Would people really rather children and teenagers wet and mess their pants in class? Really? Maybe they could add it in to the PSHE syllabus to make it clear to them that children and young people don't matter and are not worthy of basic human dignity.

And I'm also amazed on a site that is female dominated that people would completely dismiss as irrelevant the dignity of girls who are menstruating - especially those who will be of an age where they're still getting used to dealing with it having not long started.

Yes, kids often muck about and worse in toilets- but that is not the fault of the children who need to use the toilet. I'm sick of poorly-behaved children being 'dealt with' by punishing everybody. My teenage DS now has to go to reception and ask them to call me if he has an after-school club cancelled or similar, and we need to adjust our arrangements - just because of the children who can't keep off SM during classes... and meanwhile, the children who have caused the ban to be brought in are just more coy about it and don't actually care about sanctions if they are caught; effectively, the only ones who suffer are the well-behaved ones who keep to the rules.

DS does go at break time and lunch time but also needs in-between these scheduled times. Parents aren't deliberately being difficult. I have spoken to school about the matter. Laughter is often his trigger so getting to a toilet before a funny part of the lesson helps prevent a massive flood.

DS has been referred to urology but highly unlikely it's of an organic nature and most likely will outgrow it as he gets older.

Hope you find a solution OP. I have to wait each day to find out what my fate will be as to washing clothing if a "dry" or "wet" day...

I totally understand why schools have these blanket rules, even though I understand how difficult it is for some students.

That being said, I have also told my children that if they really have to go, then go (even if they are told no). Better to have a detention than to be forever known as the person that pissed or shit themself in class.

He did wait for an appropriate gap, he finished his work.
At my work nobody would ever be expected not to nip to the toilet if needed.

I don't think you (or your son) are being unreasonable at all, but UK schools seem really militant about allowing children to go to the toilet.

That being said, how did he leave the room? Did he just get up and leave without saying anything/was he disruptive or rude to the teacher? Or did he ask and, when the request was refused, politely say something like, 'I'm sorry, I really need to go, so please excuse me?" If he was rude, I can see why he was punished.

Also, I assume they are punishing him for breaking a rule/disobeying an instruction? If so, I would tell him to suck up the punishment. It's completely wrong to refuse to allow people to go to the toilet, but when you have no power/control to change the rules, you have to balance the punishment against what you need.

And he wasn't in a highly important work meeting either, was he? FFS.

So your saying thats what the OPS son has done ? Or just generalising ?
My quote was to the person saying you cant walk out of meetings in work which you can

I've been the teacher in this position. Trusted the kid, who I really did believe, and then been told off when the Head caught them in the corridor (ambling slowly back) because I had broken the 'no children out to the toilet' rule.

It is so hard because bad behaviour does occur in toilets, kids do use it to get out of the lesson BUT also kids do need to use the toilet and girls can be suffering from period issues that need urgent attention. You really can't win.

Jeezo what an appalling attitude as a parent. Schools really need the ability to just kick kids out when they (or their parents) refuse to adhere to school rules. Rules are there to ensure teachers can teach and kid can learn without disruption. Your kid isn’t special. They can follow the rules too.

95% of the time on these AIBU when a parent is annoyed by the school the school has done absolutely nothing wrong. OP’s son should have used the loo when he got to school. He didn’t. He’s got detention for insolence of walking out, quite rightly. He needs to have boundaries and to know they are going to ge consistently applied.

If I was at work, finishing a piece of work would be a good point to go for a wee.

He's old enough to text you so he'd old enough to go to the toilet before the lesson, or hold on till after.

I never hear on MN about all these DC and adults who are pissing in the streets or on buses or trains because they're so desperate. No, they go before the journey home or hold it till they can get to a toilet.

Of course if someone has an incontinence problem, that's different but being able to hold it till you can go to the toilet is continence that most of us can do from being toilet trained.

You would not sit in an important meeting and piss yourself, don't be daft 😂

I'm actually waiting for them to call me back to confirm he's been sent to isolation

And if something happened while the teacher was in the toilet the first question would be where was the teacher?