DSD’s new partner is now telling DH to get legal advice about our house

[BetLynchsEyes]

I can't believe how quickly my last thread filled up. I woke up to find it at 1000 posts which was a bit of a surprise.

Thank you to those posters who were supportive. It has been a difficult time.

Things have taken a downward turn. I honestly thought this couldn’t get any more ridiculous, but apparently it can.
DH has had another message from DSD early this morning. She said she and her partner have been discussing the situation and have decided they are going to get legal advice. Apparently he thinks the agreement we have in place “might not mean what I think it means” if DH and I ever divorced. Her partner is not a solicitor, by the way. He works in finance, I think. But apparently he “knows enough to know Dad shouldn’t just accept this.”

So now the man who has been in her life for about five minutes is apparently advising her on my marriage, my house and my legal arrangements.

DSD has told DH he needs to get his “own independent legal advice” because she thinks he has been “stitched up.” She also said that if he divorces me, he may be able to get more than his current share and “at least protect something for the future.”

I cannot believe I am typing this. This has gone from a nasty dinner joke to his daughter and her new partner discussing whether my husband should divorce me to improve her future inheritance position.

DH is livid. Properly livid this time. He has replied saying his marriage is not up for discussion, his financial arrangements are not her partner’s business, and if she continues down this road, there will be no conversation until she can speak respectfully.

I feel sick, but also weirdly relieved because at least DH can now see exactly what I have been dealing with. This was never about a joke. It was about entitlement. And now her partner has poured petrol on it.

There's no need for you or DH to engage with either DSD or her partner any more on this subject. Your DH has said it's not up for discussion so he needs to stand firm. Contacting ex wife probably won't help.

I think you are enjoying the drama. You already have the power in this situation because you have more money as you have repeatedly said. Stop fanning the flames and trying to pull your DH’s strings.

She’s clearly thought that by marrying you he gets half of everything and that half passes to her on his passing. And she’s just learned he doesn’t, so she has very little inheritance, it’s shocking people can be so grabby but it’s not unheard of;

there was a thread on here recently where the op was skint, needed her teeth doing, parents were relatively wealthy and people were basically telling her she was entitled to her parents money, it was shocking to read.

Yeah I agree. If her mum has remarried, maybe she’s signed half her home over to her new husband as well so this girl is upset and desperate and wants someone to blame. It’s not really normal to be like this as an adult if your parent remarries and she should probably have some therapy.

May you and your DH have a long long life @BetLynchsEyes .
My uncle and aunt went into a care home together at 90 (they wouldn't be separated). Their house was sold to pay the care fees. Uncle out-lived aunt and when he died at over 100, there was nothing left.

Why now? The timing of the new partner seems like more than coincidence.
It sounds like he's really sticking his nose - and hand - in. I would be so so angry at him too.
Love your username btw

Maybe she has seen a friend or a friend’s family lose out when a parent remarries and the new family take everything

Op... I don't even know what to say! What a disgusting attitude she has. And also actually very naieve to think that you wouldn't each be protecting your assets when getting married.

I think if I were you I'd be getting some more legal advice to make sure your financial situation is utterly watertight should anything happen to you both as she is very clearly showing that she will go after your children's inheritance with vigour should the worst happen. At the least it would give you peace of mind.

Personally I wouldn't be having anything more to do with her whatsoever until you get a sincere apology. She's a grown adult and has behaved appallingly towards you over time but this is beyond the pale. She's clearly been very spoilt..

Your dh should have stepped in and challenged her on her behaviour long before now, really he's allowed this to happen by letting her away with horrible behaviour and making excuses for her. But at least he's stepping up now, hopefully he holds firm.

Her husband sounds like an absolute prat. What a pair.

You're wrong.

SD (I don't think we can reasonably call her 'D'SD) will have murdered OP wrongly believing that will give her the money. When she realises that's still not the case, she'll go completely bananas and rob a bank.

She genuinely thought half the house was hers, if anything happened her dad.

She thought that 100%

She is now shocked that this isn’t the case. You don’t need to do anything. It’s just reality hitting her.

(my own spin on it: I’d say she told the new boyfriend she was set to inherit a large amount, as they are getting serious and this is not the case. She is not happy with the reality)

@SnappyQuoter Has the op quoted an amount? By the way, pensions have lump sums. How old is the DH? It’s not true to say he has nothing! Did he work? Or just sponge off the op? In a divorce he almost certainly would have got the same as his ex AND ability to work and save without looking after the dc. He’s got money! Just not in a house because the op has provided that!

@BetLynchsEyes This young woman's behavior is shameful. I felt sorry for her initially, crying her eyes out after being called out. But she is behaving like a teenager / an enormous brat.

That she now thinks she has ANY say legally in your property is just totally gobsmacking.

In a way, it's better that this came out now, rather than down the line if your DH were ill or dying. That would be so much worse.

Get a cease and desist letter. I would have nothing more to do with her.

precisely what I was going to say.

DH is livid. Properly livid this time. He has replied saying his marriage is not up for discussion, his financial arrangements are not her partner’s business, and if she continues down this road, there will be no conversation until she can speak respectfully

About time

It sounds like she’s put a lot of emphasis on getting an inheritance to secure her future. Now she’s found she’s not getting what she thought she doesn’t like it. How disgusting and mercenary. You’re poor DH being reduced to what she can get when he’s dead. I would go to a solicitor and strengthen the agreement you already have and DH should disinherit her completely. Does he have other kids? I hope she does seek legal advice and get laughed at!! What a spoiled little brat.

Why does your DH not just explain that he walked away from the family house leaving it all to her mother and she will presumably inherit that money when her mother dies, so it should be her mother that she is having this conversation with.

I bet they had their eye on a particular house and thought help with deposit was virtually a done deal. This is why she's so furious.

I'd be tempted to pay for her to have an hour with a solicitor who'll tell her she's barking.

But then who will write thread 4?

DH.

Goodness what a brat. I am off the perspective that money is nothing special and should be shared generously but with the people who are bloody lovely to you. Someone who sees you as nothing other than a resource needs to see just how damaging that perspective is and won’t while milking a cash cow. DH seems sensible and long may you both live and spend. At my most generous I would acknowledge that finances are difficult for today’s youth and stress can manifest in different ways but this has history and any anxiety is all about herself.