DSD’s new partner is now telling DH to get legal advice about our house

[BetLynchsEyes]

I can't believe how quickly my last thread filled up. I woke up to find it at 1000 posts which was a bit of a surprise.

Thank you to those posters who were supportive. It has been a difficult time.

Things have taken a downward turn. I honestly thought this couldn’t get any more ridiculous, but apparently it can.
DH has had another message from DSD early this morning. She said she and her partner have been discussing the situation and have decided they are going to get legal advice. Apparently he thinks the agreement we have in place “might not mean what I think it means” if DH and I ever divorced. Her partner is not a solicitor, by the way. He works in finance, I think. But apparently he “knows enough to know Dad shouldn’t just accept this.”

So now the man who has been in her life for about five minutes is apparently advising her on my marriage, my house and my legal arrangements.

DSD has told DH he needs to get his “own independent legal advice” because she thinks he has been “stitched up.” She also said that if he divorces me, he may be able to get more than his current share and “at least protect something for the future.”

I cannot believe I am typing this. This has gone from a nasty dinner joke to his daughter and her new partner discussing whether my husband should divorce me to improve her future inheritance position.

DH is livid. Properly livid this time. He has replied saying his marriage is not up for discussion, his financial arrangements are not her partner’s business, and if she continues down this road, there will be no conversation until she can speak respectfully.

I feel sick, but also weirdly relieved because at least DH can now see exactly what I have been dealing with. This was never about a joke. It was about entitlement. And now her partner has poured petrol on it.

@BetLynchsEyes if you divorce or die what does your DH end up with?

If I was your DH I would tell her that one more communication from her on this subject and I will be seeing a solicitor next week - to rewrite my will! She's suggesting you are devious and he is stupid. She's not in the least concerned for her father, only what she can get her grasping mitts on. Imagine revealing that your future financial planning was based purely on a large inheritance from your (currently very healthy) father?

God what an escalation. Nasty, entitled woman

Hmm

Dh should tell her she's absolutely right, you've now agreed he gets the whole lot if you die and half if you divorce. And that he's updated his will to leave it all to the donkey sanctuary when he goes.

If you did die/divorce would he be in a precarious position as things stand? Maybe she's worried about him (but I doubt it!)

He would come out of the relationship with what he went in with, which is entirely fair and reasonable.

her behaviour is outrageous.
the only thing I can think of is her thinking it was 50/50 when you moved to your current home. And thinks her dads put in 50% which you’ve reduced down in an agreement.
she’s potentially better off because he’s living with you and saving on housing costs.

she needs to talk to some people about care home costs.

ooh what will happen next!! Exciting

Gosh. What a nightmare!

I was also going to say to give the ex a ring. She might a lso want to protect her situation if there are step children

Well she’s shown her true colours, and so has the partner… Seems she’s overtly wishing divorce and death on her father, what an awful money grabber!

Im so sorry this is happening to you and your DH OP - truly upsetting and utterly horrendous entitled behaviour.

I bet he does get legal advice though 😬

This situation is absolutely insane, but it also has the potential to get even nastier @BetLynchsEyes

Hope for the best, plan for the worst.

At this point I think it would be a very sensible idea to put emotion on one side and consult a lawyer too, to work out exactly what the situation is with your previous agreement and if this extraordinary claim by your stepdaughter and her partner has any legs, and how you can protect against it.

It may seem a little excessive but it's grimly amazing how things can go wrong unexpectedly and preparing for them can save a world, and I mean a world, of trouble later.

You don't want to have to deal with Madam if unfortunately your husband has an accident or fatal heart attack.

If you did die/divorce would he be in a precarious position as things stand? Maybe she's worried about him (but I doubt it!)

this is a good point. Is she worried he wouldn’t be able to remain in the house if you died?

If a woman gets a family home in a divorce, she’s probably relinquished the pensions. No judge gives 100% to the women. So of course there’s money in the second marriage. People who refuse to talk to dc about a second marriage and the finances are not doing anyone any favours and this sort of resentment builds up. Early discussion is best.

Sorry I misread. I saw thread 1 last night. Hopefully things calm down before thread 3

They sound a bit thick. Both of them. Obviously if you divorce then the split may be different, divorce is mostly about fairness and making sure everyone can house themselves as you are older and have no share children, it is less likely to be 50/50 though so even in divorce, she isn’t getting half the house.
But that’s divorce! She’s talking about if her dad dies… and absolutely nothing changes there. She can only inherit what her dad actually owns and he doesn’t own the bill of the house because he didn’t have the money. So, she hasn’t lost anything and neither has he. The money didn’t exist for her to inherit. He didn’t have it.

They sound very stupid. But I’ll ask again - have you actually explained that to her? You shouldn’t have to, but has your partner actually said “There wasn’t much for you to inherit because I don’t have much money or assets. I have put my money into this house and my share of it will still go to you, just like any money would have, but that’s it. It’s the same situation as before I married - I don’t have loads of money, so there isn’t loads for you to inherit. You’re still getting the same amount you’d have got before I married so you haven’t lost anything. Why do you think you should inherit money from my wife? “

Or he could leave his share to his wife?

OP already said that her husband kept his pension but that’s it. We don’t know how much his pension is, and do you realise that most people use their pension to live off? He will spend that. There isn’t loads of money for her to inherit because he uses his money for living costs. Obviously he’ll have some savings but the daughter seems to be expected hundreds of thousands at least. When actually, her dad had no assets and now owns a small part of this house so at least there is something to inherit, plus whatever cash he chooses to leave depending on how much he actually has saved.

Generally speaking, solicitors would write a clause in a will that the surviving spouse can stay in the property for their lifetime, even if they don't own all of it.

She’s been banking on living on easy street once DH passes away. Now realises that her make believe life is just that… make believe and it’s easier to cast you as the evil stepmother than the reality… looking at black and white maths numbers… let them waste their time with a lawyer it sounds like you and DH came into your marriage with your eyes wide open … also he sounds like a good one … well done I’m jealous

This back and forth is making a drama of it. Your DH should just reply that she’s entitled to take legal advice but he’s satisfied the agreement is watertight and fair. Then shut down anymore discussion.

Actually a will legally cannot put the surviving spouse in a worse position than if they had divorced the day before death

This is insane. She sounds like a grabber and this new partner is egging her on. Make a will and leave it to the local animal sanctuary, lock stock and barrel 🤨

o was going to ask if she had done to her mum and didn’t get anywhere so went to dad and is now pissed off because she didn’t get the answer she wanted form either of them!

Good for protecting your assets though. And your DH sounds a good managing the family home for his kids when they divorced in exchange for his pension. Shame his DD is an ungrateful wretch.

Oh ffs. As has been discussed loads on the last thread, he would be given the right to live in the property for life even though OP’s share will pass to her children. He isn’t entitled to inherit it and they have already had it written up. The house isn’t his and he isn’t getting it, nor does he have to. OP can leave it to her own kids. And obviously, since they don’t sound stupid, they will have life insurance or enough cash to leave to him so that he can pay the bills.

A divorce is different. He would possible be given a bigger share of the house and it would be his, so he could dispose of it as he wanted. If OP dies, it will not be his and it doesn’t have to be.