I love my children but …

[gozzlebear]

Hopefully this post won’t come across as negatively as it may read, as that isn’t the intention. I love my children and I am grateful to have them. But … sometimes I feel like it’s very thankless and that it will never end. Or that when it does I will be quite an elderly lady and perhaps no longer interested in the things I used to be interested in. Hard to say.

I have two children, they are nearly three and five. I thought three would be a turning point but to be honest it isn’t looking likely 🤦🏼‍♀️ obviously some things are easier but we still have very early wakings (fucking hate them; the day lasts forever) I can’t listen to my own music in the car, I can’t watch what I want to on TV until they are in bed and honestly by that point I’m shattered myself.

It feels gruelling and relentless. I used to think when they are both at school it would be a turning point again but then the long school holidays are exhausting to fill. (Not to mention expensive.)

I know all this sounds a bit bleak but I do sometimes feel a bit as if I have the longest shift in the world with no breaks or lunch hour. I remember feeling exactly that when dc1 was born, and of course it’s got a lot easier in many ways and I hope it will get easier still but that sense of having vanished as a person myself hasn’t.

I felt exactly the same when my dcs were this age. It is a thankless task sometimes. Are you meeting friends and getting adult contact? Honestly, it does get easier- everything is a stage.

I remember those days. Mine are now 4 & 7 and it’s so much easier. They play independently so if I want to sit and watch tv for half an hour I can. Once they’re in bed it’s adult time, myself and DP do whatever we please.
The 6 hours a day they’re at school is a godsend, we can get housework done, go out somewhere or just take a nap.
It gets easier OP, just hang in there

Thanks so much. I guess I just feel a bit like … it gets easier but not exactly easy. Like when they are both at school I’ll have to be working so not really a break although a change (good as a rest?) I suppose.

I am probably explaining badly I know. I do love them but I feel so burned out!

Also to here to say that those years were tough for me. Mine are 9 and 11 now and I’ve felt that recent years have been the sweet spot. They are good fun, more interesting to talk to, we enjoy things on Netflix together and it isn’t all just exhausting, demanding hard work like it was for so many years when they were young. They are also spending more time at hobbies and with friends now so I feel that I finally have some space at home sometimes on a weekend. I thought I’d never come to the
point of enjoying parenting, but here I am

You won't be saying this in a few years time when they are at nicer ages and family life becomes a bit more fun.

Mine is six, and while I'm sure one is much easier anyway, the last year has been a revelation! The days don't feel as long because he's actually good company now 😂. Hang in there!

I really hope you’re right @Floppyearedlab

I guess it just hits me sometimes how much it revolves around them, of course it has to be like this but it feels like I’ve been on the ocean for so long I’ve lost sight of the shore a long time ago and can barely remember it 😂

I do find ds (my eldest) quite easy solo. He’s nearly five and a half but have found him easy(ish) since he was four. He’s more easygoing generally than dd but that might be an age thing. He’s boisterous though and gets quite manic. Together they aren’t great tbh.

I think you need to be a bit selfish (not even selfish, just what was normal 20 years ago). Because there will be less intense drudge but it's always a bit of a drudge and then they'll fuck off and have their own lives so you need to live a bit now.

i am waiting and hopeful for them starting school. Not having another. Day by day until I finally get me time.

Won’t you be working, though? (I’m so sorry if that sounds really provocative as it isn’t intended that way!) It just feels like term time will be the mad dash of school runs and pick ups and then ‘holidays’ when madness ensues.

When mine were that little, they were in bed by 7. Having a few hours to myself in the evening saved my sanity! I had 5 lively boys who were early risers so 7pm bedtime was my non-negiotable!

Mine don’t go that early and if they did would up at 5. Either way it wouldn’t be a few hours.

I feel you OP! I was just about feeling we were seeing a tiny bit of light in a very dark tunnel (my three are 8, nearly 4 and 2) and then we had a surprise pregnancy so due to be swept back into the depths of chaos in a few weeks time with a newborn. I do suspect it will be the most incredible thing to be a parent to a swarm of children when they are all over 4 years old... I just need to hang in there for now. Sending you positive vibes for a good day and weekend ahead xx

Do you think? I can’t see it at the moment … (congratulations though.) Sorry, I’m struggling so much at the moment I am almost forgetting why I had them!

Why can't you listen to the music you want in the car? That's just bizarre. Mine always listened to whatever radio or cd etc we chose.

They would scream and demand ‘their’ music. Well, the younger one does … so no music goes on, as no one wants to listen to the same song fifty times.

Same. We cannot watch what we want either and our youngest DC are 10 and 8yo. At night once they're asleep we are often too exhausted to watch much by then. They both have additional needs.

I also have an 18yo and 15yo and they have their own set of challenges.....

That must be really hard @user1476613140 . I used to think it would be OK when the older one started school, when the younger one turned three, when the younger one starts school … truth is I’m not sure it does, now.

Stop centering your life around their every whim. The only way I survived motherhood was to still be ME.

So my kids listen to Metallica and Volbeat in the car - they don’t get a choice. And guess what, now early teens they have a broad music taste. Sod listening to nursery rhymes for hours.

There’s something I want to watch (rare) well it’s time for them to read or play independently. Stick them in front of a water tray or throw giant legos all over the floor.

Kids need to be kids and not have every second pandered to. Yours will soon be of an age where they can understand, if you wake up early and the clock says X time, then you can read/look at books etc quietly in bed until I come get you.

Whatever makes your life easier, do it and don’t feel bad about it.

Let them scream and “demand” their music. They will soon learn that screaming doesn’t get them what they want.

Double, they don’t, maybe some kids do but my two year old doesn’t. Music and screaming is a bad combination, especially when I’m trying to drive. I’m not exactly looking for advice here, some people have screamers and some don’t, it’s just how it is. It might be in the future she isn’t. As I say my eldest is a lot more reasonable now but hard work in other ways.

Those years are tough and I only got through it as I knew I'd have the school days for myself once they were older. For me I felt I earned it after the intensity of the baby and toddler years! My dcs also started preschool aged 2.5, which gave me a few hours of freedom in the mornings - I'd definitely recommend it, it's great for the dc and for you. I had a bigger gap too, which meant I had a nice year of dc1 in nursery before dc2 was born.

Mine have never been early risers but then they go to bed later, and they napped until school age, which gave me a good break in the day, and had more quality time with DH after work.

Gosh I wish all I had to do during the school day was housework