Was spanking/smacking common in the 1990s? Struggling with PIL

[onlyonsunday]

Found out recently that FIL would spank/smack/hit DH, until DH was age 11/12. FIL only stopped when DH got big and strong.

These weren't awful 'hidings' and didn't result in injury or broken skin. DH had to lay across FIL's lap and he would hit his bum over his clothes so no bare skin.

DH is totally unfazed by this and says it didn't do any harm. I have never known anyone hit their children in any way and am horrified. This would have been between 1985-1995. Was it fairly normal then? Or was this unusual?

There are other things in DH's childhood that I find horrifying, so I know my feelings on the spanking will be influenced by the other stuff.

So looking for thoughts on how this would have been viewed at the time.

TLDR: was spanking deemed normal as recently as 1995?

Edited to say: this is in the UK

I do not care about research.

How awful. 😢

I think smacking is the lazy way to discipline. It's much quicker than explaining to the child why we don't do x and y, and giving punishments like cancelling outings and then listening to them being upset about it.

Jesus. That's horrendous.

I was born in 1968 and was hit. I still remember the last time when I was 14, my mum hit me in a supermarket, she loved to hit me across the head. I pinned her up against the shelves and grabbed her arms and told her never to do it again. She didn’t

wow! that says a lot about you!

i know what you mean. It felt wrong to have your pants down. We had to stand in a queue (four of us) and wait our turn. I was the only girl. Unpleasant

OK but I wouldn't be sterilised for it. That's what I was referring to when I said hyperbolic. And I think it's extremely unlikely I'd be arrested for slapping my partner lightly on the wrist. Have you seen the "chippy slap" video that was used to advertise crisps in Australia?

Wow, do you think that makes you smart?

"I don't care that the science has proven that I'm wrong, I'm going to carry on abusing my kids anyway!"

Science deniers are pathetic.

I grew up in the 70s and 80s and my mum smacked us occasionally. My dad never did. I don't know anyone who was put over their parents lap and spanked - I think that's unusual.

If they called the police, you would be.

They'd probably just leave you. But your kids can't leave you, so yeh, sterilisation before any more kids get hurt.

I was born early 90’s and my parents never laid a finger on me.

It's not the lack of smacking that causes the bad behaviour, imo. It's the lack of enforcing other punishments like taking away toys/privileges/outings. Then you have to listen to the resulting outcry and stand your ground. Good parenting is hard work.

I was smacked fairly regularly as a child, mid to late 80's. As much as my own children wind me up and push my buttons, I couldn't bear the thought of slapping them. To use the "this'll teach them" opinion..... no it doesn't!!! I was still a mouthy little wotsit after a smack, I didn't learn anything, if anything, it just reaffirmed that I could go around smacking siblings. My parents who are now the most loving, caring, patient and understanding grandparents are like different creatures from when I was a kid. It's totally baffling.

It's hungry, don't feed it. It's not even trying.

I was born in the late 60s and I remember the odd smack but it was very rare. I do remember someone being smacked at nursery school ... put across the teachers knee in front of everyone. I'd forgotten that until this thread!

My mum used 'disappointment' as a deterrent to bad behaviour. Much more effective!

I was born late 79 and was smacked almost daily at least. Some of my earliest memories are being “bounced off the walls” I was still being slapped up the face into my late teens and then she hit me when I was holding my own newborn. To be fair we had it bad but my mother doesn’t remember this only that other kids in my street had it worse. Hence why I have zero relationship with her now.

it was normal in my experience in the 90’s but I also knew some people who loved and liked their children so I got to see balance

Completely agree with you.

Definitely not! I’m horrified by your post.

I'm a UK1984 baby. We were smacked on the hand and bottom (the latter only in very serious situations) when naughty. It carried on into the 90s for us but stopped by the time we were tween sort of age.

i always thought it was normal for the time, but I can't recall asking many people to see.

I don't agree with it but it did have some effectiveness. I would never be as cheeky to my parents as my kids are with me. BUT I also am quite shy as an adult and bad at speaking up for myself and I wonder if the two things are related.

I'm glad its stopped now. I would feel like such a hypocrite smacking my son for bad behaviour will telling him to use kind hands at school.

How on earth is smacking a child teaching them how to behave ... "I don't like what you're doing so take that" .... you can't possibly then tell them off for hitting a kid at school!

Good grief, my son was born late '79 and was never smacked; to the best of my knowledge, neither were his peers, nor my neighbours' children who were a bit older. They were all aware of boundaries, all grown up fine.

Lying over the knee is pervy, but nothing wrong with six of the best. Was administered in fee-paying schools until fairly recently. I do believe that lack of physical punishment is to blame for the sorry state of affairs today. But I don't see anything wrong with smacking either. I read a brilliant post on MN a few years ago when a woman described how her grandmother cured very swiftly her younger brother of kicking her shins very painfully and deliberately - a 10-year old had blue shins from a 3-year old and her liberal parents were like 'awww, he will grow out of it'. Basically, the non-pc gran, when she saw what the miscreant was doing, beat him, a 3-year old and explained what she was beating him for, that he was instantly cured of kicking people's shins to bruises. The liberal parents thought that he grew out of it upon his return from a week-end at gran's.

It was in my house—I was born in 82. We were smacked, and I was until I was about 15! I know it wasn’t right, but it definitely wasn’t out of the ordinary. No one would have been horrified.

I was born same year as you and everyone I knew at primary was smacked occasionally.