Was spanking/smacking common in the 1990s? Struggling with PIL

[onlyonsunday]

Found out recently that FIL would spank/smack/hit DH, until DH was age 11/12. FIL only stopped when DH got big and strong.

These weren't awful 'hidings' and didn't result in injury or broken skin. DH had to lay across FIL's lap and he would hit his bum over his clothes so no bare skin.

DH is totally unfazed by this and says it didn't do any harm. I have never known anyone hit their children in any way and am horrified. This would have been between 1985-1995. Was it fairly normal then? Or was this unusual?

There are other things in DH's childhood that I find horrifying, so I know my feelings on the spanking will be influenced by the other stuff.

So looking for thoughts on how this would have been viewed at the time.

TLDR: was spanking deemed normal as recently as 1995?

Edited to say: this is in the UK

It did do you harm, it made you think a grown adult assaulting a child was an acceptable thing to do.

I grew up in the 90s and wasn’t smacked

I was born about the same time but by the time the 1990s came I think smacking was rare.

None of mine have ever been hit by an adult.

I love the way that not hitting is seen as automatically equated to good parenting when in reality there are so many ways a parent can intimidate a child without resorting to hitting ( my mums silent treatment as an example. I think I’d rather have been hit). Having worked in child protection I’d say there are many parents still who think smacking / hitting is ok and the law in England is confusing in the way it’s written and applied.

I was raised in the 90s. I wasn’t smacked and neither were any of my friends.
in fact I remember my mum having a huge row with another mum who had smacked her child in the play park.

DH was smacked (I would say abused, but he disagrees) his parents were a lot older than mine so may have something to do with it.

It's not acceptable, but emotional harm (eg silent treatment) isn't either, and may actually be more damaging long term.

Yes normal up until 2000s. Cane used at school when I was there in 70s/80s.

Born in the 80s and me and my siblings were smacked too as was my husband and all my friends.
was the norm and it taught us not to fuck about

Born 1990 and was smacked up to about 5 times that I can remember. The final time left a mark on my leg and that was the only time I ever heard my dad say sorry for anything. I think my sister was probably smacked a few times too, but I don’t remember seeing or hearing about any friends being smacked

My parents were caned/smacked at school, or spanked on the bum in my mums case at school (I think there were a lot of disgusting pervs truth be told) they were born 64 and 72.
They were hit with belts, rulers, rolling pins, you name it.
They did smack us maybe 3/4 times during the course of our childhoods. I don’t remember it well and it hasn’t harmed my relationship with them truth be told. I do have a lot of respect for them but no fear at all, and whilst I was fearful of getting into trouble as a teenager I never feared being hit as it wasn’t the norm? If that makes sense. I more feared the telling off and consequences such as grounding/things removed.

Lots of variation!

Seems I am a bit naive. I can't imagine my lovely dad hitting me no matter what I'd done!

PIL were young parents so I'm reading from all of these replies that by the time DH was over 10, in the early/mid 90s, this would have been rare but not seen as particularly harmful parenting, maybe crap parenting and lazy but not too awful.

My dad was born in the 1930s, and never smacked (although it was threatened).

Yes, I think this was pretty common between 1985-1995. I was born in 1981 and was smacked from time to time. Our next door neighbours smacked their kids often (they were a very religious and conservative family). At least a couple of other families in our street also smacked. When I was in Reception, I remember the teacher smacking one child on the hand and another on the bum. That must have been the last year it was legal in English schools.

It wasn't until I went to secondary school in 1993 that I knowingly met children who were never smacked by their parents. I was surprised to hear this. One friend's dad would occasionally threaten to "fetch the slipper" but never did.

DH & I were kids then, my parents never smacked us but PIL did smack DH and his brother, with a hand or a slipper. Still talk about it now and laugh about a time DH & his brother misbehaved and were smacked so hard you could see the handprint when they took DH’s nappy off- yes, nappy, that’s how young he was. Seems to have been common among DH’s friend as all have similar stories about being smacked.

The bottom thing is what I find weird. Why would you want to touch a child's bottom, especially bare? I would feel like I was sexually assaulting them (which it would be if I were to do it to an adult)!

Sorry for everyone that was affected by being hit or other awful behaviours. The silent treatment sounds truly awful. If I knew how to do a flowers emoji I would x

Well nobody is suggesting we do one or the other, are they?

Corporal punishment in schools stopped in 1986. So still doing it into the 90s at home is an odd one but I don’t think it was that uncommon in some households tbh.

@Jellybunny98 Nappy! And they tended to toilet train earlier than now. What a horrible thing to hear.

It still is, at least in working class areas. There's always a lot of objections when the possibility of banning it in England is suggested. I know my neighbours sometimes smack their children, although they say they know it's unhelpful. My friend who has two boys admitted to me that she sometimes smacks them and then cries about it because she feels guilty. My Mum claimed that she didn't believe in smacking, smacked us (well, me mostly) anyway and now claims it never happened. My colleague openly said that she will smack her daughter if she's told her not to do something and she does it, and also that her father will smack her for the same reason (separated parents). We recently found out that my stepdaughter's grandmother (who lives with them) used to smack her, which my husband was never told about as he would definitely have objected. She also said that her stepdad had smacked her younger brother (his son), although he denied it. I've heard plenty of discussions in staffrooms where TAs will talk about smacking their kids and amongst children- I would always fill out a safeguarding form even if they said they'd had a small tap.

I will never understand how you can do it- the thought of deliberately hurting my child makes me feel nauseous. I will also never understand how it's considered legal and acceptable to lose your temper and hit anyone. If you lose your temper and hit an adult, you go to jail. Or why people still cling to it when it's been proven over multiple studies that it's unhelpful and damaging.

Corporal punishment is barbaric and said more about the person dealing it out than the miscreants. So was "washing mouths out with soap".

There are a gazillion different ways to instil discipline - thumping someone isn't one of them. It was a zero deterrent then and is the same now.

I was smacked back then. I thought it was fairly normal.

My sons were born in 1996 and 1999.
Ds 1 had his hand lightly smacked followed by a wag of a finger and a stern ' no' when he was a toddler. When I say smack, it was a tap to get his attention. This was done if he could have been in danger or could ha e got hurt.
Ds's punishment was going to be sent to their bedroom like I used to be but then it occurred to me they would be perfectly happy with that!!

I was smacked once, and I never needed it again.....I was threatened with a slipper a few times but never needed it. Where I lived it was pretty normal (born 82)

I’m a 90s child. No - not in my family, not ever, and not in any of my friends’ either to my knowledge. Plenty of terrible parenting and emotional abuse around still, but not physical.