Friend needs some advice

[muckyducks]

My friend needs some advice.

Parents have private contact arrangement.
Parent A - 4 nights per week
Parent B - 3 nights per week - does school drop off and pick ups to accommodate parent A’s work.
Parent B receives children’s benefits. Not currently working.

Parent B has received bad news a family member has taken ill and needs serious operation which means they have to go to the other side of the country for at least 7 weeks as family member has no one else to care for them.

Parent B cannot travel back and leave family member. Children will not be able to travel to parent B due to school and infectiok risk

Parent A and parent B dont have a good relationship.

Parent A cant leave their job.
Parent B cant leave their family member or transfer benefits as they will lose their house .

If parent A cannot have the children then Parent B will need to arrange carers for the family member, or request the operation is done over the summer hols so the children can come with them.
otherwise it’s only fair parent A claims the benefits whilst having the children full time. Realistically parent A has the children more so really it’s only fair they claim the benefits.

Parent B cant leave their family member

I challenge this.
its presented as fixed and its not. There are other care options you might not like them but they exist

If I was parent B and parent A is a nightmare I would strongly be looking at alternate care or pushing the surgery to the schoolholidays and taking children with me.

If i was parent A and had to magically fund transport and care for children to and from school and wa son the breadline myself its.fair.to ask for a contribution

So what is the actual question?? If relative has no one to look after them then there should be a care package on discharge from hospital. Or social services get involved and provide one.
Also why would parent b lose their house? They don't need to transfer benefits because it will only be a temporary thing looking after their relatives??

Parent B needs to talk to the hospital to see what care options there are in the area for their family member.

It's a difficult situation for parent B, but they can't keep all the benefits, and not hold up their side of the deal so parent A can work as well.

The sick family members operation needs to be done sooner rather than later .
Parent A works full time . Can they apply for benefits and take them off parent B without a court order ? Parent B will be in a very bad situation if benefits are withdrawn

If parent A has 4 nights a week they should be the one claiming benefits anyway as its only overnights that count for benefits/maintenence.

Parent B has the children back first thing in morning and does the school drop off and pick ups .

The relative needs to arrange a carer. Parent B needs to get employment, the main parent should get the child benefit.

The patient is going to have to tell the hospital that they need organised care for those 7 weeks. This won't be the first time the hospital will have done this. Parent B will probably feel very guilty about not being able to help but her obligation as a parent has to come first.

Parent A has never been interested in the benefits before as parent B does the lions share of admin, pick up drop offs etc

Is the benefits you are talking about child benefit? Or child maintenance or another benefit?
not sure why benefits are the question? Parent A can contact benefits to claim child benefit if parent B abandons the kids for weeks. But this takes time to get in payment.

parent B can’t just excuse themselves from children who rely on them- as a parent they are responsible for sorting the child arrangements while they are not able to. They can’t force parent A to do anything.
agree with others that unless the person needing an op is their child, they can’t go away even though they want to! Silly parent!

I thought the parent with the most overnight stays needs to receive the child benefit so parent A should be receiving it all the time

the poorly relative will need a carer. Parent Bs main obligation should be their children.

Parent B gets child benefit, single parent element etc.
It is an older child of parent B who needs cared for

is the child an adult child? They have no other family member at all?

Parent B is going to be incurring significant costs because they will likely have to outsource pick up and drop offs.

I dont get why A doesnt pass on the CB for the relevant month vs changing who receives it.
Equally if b is insisting its changed because they are so difficult all the more reason for A to keep the status quo which seemingly they were okay with pre relative being ill.

For parent B - the children are the priority, even before parents etc.

Can the older child move back home?

The only solution is that other care arrangements will need to be made for the relative. Parent B isn't available to do it, as much as they might want to.

Its not going to work, 7 weeks is a long time to disrupt everyone else’s lives, and the children need to be the priority here.

The ill relative will need carers, or to stay in hospital/ nursing home until recovered.

They need to contact adult social services and insist they arrange support.

It’s sounds like the relative is also a child (though, could be an adult child, I suppose).

Agreed.

I would suggest that parent B should not be leaving. Ot wouldn't cross my mind to in this instance. They have commitments, they can't.

They're lucky the other parent is more laissez faire about number of nights, benefits etc, especially given they have them more and parent B doesn't work.

That does make it harder to not be able to be available, but parent B isn't available. 7 weeks is a long time. Other arrangements will have to be made. Is it possible for some of that recuperation time to be at your home with the younger children parent B? Otherwise social services is going to have to step up with care support for the older child here.

Child is 16 and lives with grandmother who herself has had recent health problems and is not fit to look after child. Child was helping with grandmother and now has their own serious health problems.
would it be unreasonable to ask parent A to take some leave off work at weekends etc if parent B pays for someone to do school drop offs picks ups

If the person who needs the operation is also B's bio kid, then that changes it. But presumably they're an adult? Can they come and stay with B while in recovery? Where is patient's other parent?

What can't parent Bs older kid be moved to Parent B for care rather than the ohher way around. Surely that makes most sense.