Friend needs some advice

[muckyducks]

My friend needs some advice.

Parents have private contact arrangement.
Parent A - 4 nights per week
Parent B - 3 nights per week - does school drop off and pick ups to accommodate parent A’s work.
Parent B receives children’s benefits. Not currently working.

Parent B has received bad news a family member has taken ill and needs serious operation which means they have to go to the other side of the country for at least 7 weeks as family member has no one else to care for them.

Parent B cannot travel back and leave family member. Children will not be able to travel to parent B due to school and infectiok risk

Parent A and parent B dont have a good relationship.

Parent A cant leave their job.
Parent B cant leave their family member or transfer benefits as they will lose their house .

Just seen update, I’m assuming the child is an adult as the appear to be living independently, in which case I think the school age children still need to be priority. And the parent will just have to visit on the days when her younger children are with the other parent.

Can you not ask for the adult child not request their operation be carried out in the hospital local to you and then come stay at yours till they recover.

Just seen they are 16, makes even more sense to come to you then. If her gran needs carers that needs to be put in place. A 16 year old child should not be responsible for caring for a grandparent.

Parent B is not able to help. People have operations without relatives they need to make the hospital aware so they can make alternative care arrangements

Why does parent B not work?
How old are the children?
The child who lives a long way away should move to live with Parent B while they recover.

Unfortunately this kind of situation is a complication of these kinds of living arrangements.

The same still holds though - you can't go there and do it for 7 weeks. Either alternative care is arranged there, or the surgery takes place local to you and the 16 year old comes and stays with you to recover and be cared for. Or a bit of both.

Parent A seems to have made their position clear and, assuming the 16 year old is not their child, they aren't obligated to take any leave to change the arrangement you have in place.

Do you have another relative who can come stay with the younger children during your time with them?

Older child could change hospitals and recover at parent b home.
Parent B shouldnt piss off parent A since it could be argued theres benefit fraud happening here.

Why is Parent B's 16 yo living so far away and not with a parent?

And why does Parent A have the shared dc 4 nights a week while Parent B isn't in work and claims all of the child benefit?

Why does Parent B think it's ok to absolve themselves of all responsibility towards their younger children for 7 weeks?

Why can't the 16yo have the operation and then be discharged into Parent B's care in Parent B's home?

Is it possible for the relative having the operation to convalesce in the friends home instead? If not, I agree with others it looks like it must be carers if the operation can’t wait till the school holidays.
Not the point of the post but I find this set up really weird - parent A and parent B dont have a good relationship but parent B is doing all the school pick ups and drop offs and then presumably the child is then going over to parent A when they have finished work. What is attractive about this arrangement for parent B? Parent A does more overnights and has the time with the child but parent B has the limits on lifestyle and ability to work. Unless there is an unusual factor at play, parent B should stop this arrangement. Not my overnight, not my drop off or pick up. Then parent B is clearly the main carer based on overnights and/ or will be able to work. If that means parent A refuses to have their child, so be it. Better for the child if parent A drops out of the picture sooner rather than later if their contact with the child depends upon parent B facilitating their life for them.

I agree with this post. With the little information we have it sounds like B is taking the piss somewhat, do they pay parent A child maintenance?

Why is B unemployed?

I feel sorry for the 16yr old.

I don't think it's reasonable to ask parent A to take leave or for B to pay for all drop offs and pick ups
Frankly parent A should be doing pick ups and drop offs on their days anyway but if parent B isn't available then A will have to sort arrangements for their days. However B can't leave the kids for their 3 days so they really are stuck.

I get why people are asking why parent A doesn't get child benefit if they have them more overnight and technically that's fair BUT if B is doing pick ups and drop offs and A just have them at night then I think it's fair.

Parent B needs that adult child to come home and have the operation there.

They aren't even an adult, they're only 16 and caring for the grandmother they live with. I suspect there's also going to be a problem if the 16 year old isn't available to care for the grandmother (which is a responsibility a 16 year old shouldn't have). They will probably both need care.

It's a pickle but Parent B isn't available to do it on the other side of the country.

This. Parent B needs to arrange for someone else to look after the relative, as in this situation the children and what sounds like a shaky living/benefits situation need to come first. But Parent B also needs to get a job so they are not so dependent on the benefits that might affect similar future emergency situations

Parent B is not in a position to travel and care for other family member

Sorry just read the relative is a 16 year old child. Is the child not Parent A's too? Assuming not, the child comes to Parent B for recovery, and carers are put in place to look after the grandma. Parent B absolutely cannot uproot their life for 7 weeks to move elsewhere when there are younger kids involved.

Then the older child needs to return home surely? Rather than uproot everyone, uproot one person?
why is this being made more difficult than it needs to be? And yes if parent B goes for seven weekz, parent A is well within their rights to claim the benefits.

I think parent B is used to getting their own way. There are solutions that maybe don't suit them perfectly, but they are there.
The 16yo having surgery can convalesce at their home. It's not like they have work. The 16yo should not be their GM's carer anyway. They need to sort a permanent solution there because it isn't fair.
Parent B should be very careful rocking this boat. It feels like they've been fortunate to get benefits for DC. If DWP knew they slept elsewhere four nights per week that would quickly change. It doesn't matter how much admin parent B does, it's nights that count.

Exactly. Parent B can't just drop their children for 7 weeks.

The 16yr old will need to move in with one of his/her parents since the granny can't care for them anymore, operation aside.

Parent B had child 16 very young. Grandmother took over .
Parent b frequently visits child 16 and parents A’s family used to take over school pick up drop offs on these visits. Parent b would always be back for their over nights.
parents A’s family are no longer able to do drop offs or pick ups so it is up to parent b to facilitate this.
parent A has now said they will sort out drop off pick ups but cannot cover parent B’s 3 over nights.

Why does Parent B live so far from their eldest child?

Why can’t the 16yo live at parent Bs home for the 7 weeks?

Parent A needs to do less overnights.
It’s not fair on them or the kids.
They’re doing more overnight stays but not getting the money for it and the poor kids are going back and forward between houses.

Is the 16yo both the parents or just parent Bs?

Worst comes to worst, parent B needs to pay for childcare so that parent A can still work.

Time for B to step up and parent the teenager then. Teenager moves in with B.

Is parent A parent of the 16yo? Are they in education? Hope grandparent has been claiming child benefits and maintenance!
parent b doesn’t do much parenting do they? Seem to be ok claiming for it though

Parent B doesn’t like to parent much do they? This is appaling. Everyone elses job but their own.
Older child needs to move back in with their mum and parent B needs to look after all their children together, no excuse for this.