If you choose not to drive you are a pain in the arse

[Ophir]

Always lifts, always expecting basically chauffeured

There is nothing about not being able to drive that makes you a pain in the arse. You phrased it wrong.

I had lessons when I was 18, but hated it & wasn’t very good. So after university it was just common sense to look for work in areas with decent public transport & eventually settle in London.

I've never heard of anyone asking a friend to go and get their click and collect with them. That's weird.

Airport trips would be an imposition, I'd never ask that even if I had a car

CaptainMyCaptain

You are talking about 'owning a car' not the ability to drive. Different things.

no, we both learned to drive because we knew at some stage we’d have to move to live rurally, both grew up in Dublin so didn’t learn to drive until we had to (both learned in 20s) Most of my friends in big cities never learned, they cycle or use public transport.

I know this isn't the point of this thread at all and also that I'm old and out of touch, but is there a trend for dropping words from sentences?

"always expecting basically chauffeured"

To my mind that sentence needs a few other words to make sense and I often see sentences like it.

"Want gone" is another example.

I guess it is as I’m the only driver in my circle, and absolutely sick of that!

People tell me they don’t need to drive as they live in a city, but then there’s the trips to hospitals, or the tip, or to collect something from big Tesco or whatever, never mind pick ups for outings or holidays

People I’ve known don’t necessarily ask for lifts, but bombard me with details of the epic journeys so it ends up I just pick them
up to make it stop, or because they can’t manage the heavy items on the bus 🙈

Sometimes they tell me they don’t drive as cars are too expensive.. no shit!

My ex partner and his family were like this to me. He never learned to drive because he "wasn't interested in cars" (neither am I!), and only his father drove, so between his dad and me, we had to do most of the driving. As his mother dictated that all Christmases etc, must be at hers, over sn hour away, and that her and hus dad had been in the pub down the road from their house since the minute it opened, I was of course expected to drive the precious son to the matriarch as part of my private, unpaid family chauffeur duties.

I don't know why I put up with it for years, but one New Year's Eve, I just snapped. I still drove partner there, but kicked him out of the car at the end of their road, put his overnight bag out and kept mine in the car, and without a word, turned around and drove straight back home.

After that, I wasn't expected to be the unpaid chauffeur any more!

I phrased this badly through rage 🙈😂

Yes! It’s stuff like this I’m talking about!

Well done on the solution 😄

Yes, I accept that I did, poorly phrased through irritation

The only public transport we have round here is the bus. Once an hour, and they stop by 6.30pm anyway.

I eventually made it the most permanent solution by breaking up with him!

It’s crazy isn’t it?!
I live opposite a school and I can’t tell you the amount of people who turn up an hour before school finishes, just so they can park closest to the school! We live in a village, so it’s not as if majority of people have miles to walk! Lazy buggers!

Do you not get driven to places by your DH or DD?

Fair!

If only a person could, say, own a car and a bike, and perhaps also sometimes take the train, and walk too, all depending upon the nature of the journey and how they're feeling that day...

I got rid of my car due to the climate emergency. Buses, ubers and my old feet manage to get me about. Perhaps you should consider building a life where you don't need a polluting vehicle.

I never understand it. It’s just so limiting. Especially if you have DC. Not everything is on a bus route

The most astonishing thing about the whole situation was the utter selfishness of hus mither; she learned to drive as a younger woman, but didn't enjoy it, so as soon as she got married, decided to stop driving as she decided unilaterally, that her new husband could do all the driving!

Now that they're both very elderly and he's had to give up his licence due to health issues, she's realising how tough life is when you live rurally and have to rely on shockingly poor public transport.

Why on earth should I make “inclusive plans” for another adult to get themselves somewhere?

this is exactly the sort of stuff I mean

The OP hasn't yet told us how they ascertain whether a person chooses not to drive, or is unable to drive. I'm imagining it's in the same way people "know" whether someone is really disabled or not.

And neither situation reflects well.

OP: Many people who cannot drive because of a medical reason can feel under pressure to disclose personal details to explain to the judgey. Luckily no one ever minds, so it's OK. Otherwise they could feel slightly bullied.

I didn't have a car for years. Bloody pain in the arse when you need to go to the dump and similar - really disempowering.

The perfect solution

"They don’t necessarily ask for lifts but make it difficult not to offer"

aah diddums

Yes, ordinary tasks become much more difficult and dependent on others