If you choose not to drive you are a pain in the arse

[Ophir]

Always lifts, always expecting basically chauffeured

Her personality is that of a CF. Even if she drove that entitled trait would show itself elsewhere.

I/DH drive but 99% of the time choose not to. Plans with friends are on public transport routes - even this weekend we have come to the seaside from london via train.

so either change the plan, or make clear that when you’re both enjoying the activity they sort a taxi, and when the activity doesn’t benefit you (eg airport run) they most certainly sort themselves out.

people who could learn to drive (of course not everyone can) but choose not to try are CF and the only way to stop their freeloading is to change the plan or make the transport arrangement their problem.

I don’t drive, so I live in London, always check public transport details before travelling anywhere, walk a lot, get a taxi if necessary, and if I do get offered a lift somewhere & accept it I pay for coffees / lunch as a thank you.

My sister’s ex didn’t drive, & the local public transport wasn’t great. Before they got together he cycled most places. Once he had her & her car he expected lifts everywhere.

Some non-drivers are CFs.

Love it😂 and pushes home the ridiculous and scathing generalisation people have the nerve to paint all non-drivers as.

Meh I didn’t drive until I was 33, I managed for a few years rurally with a baby on the buses but did learn. Most people I know who can’t drive get themselves about. I know one person who doesn’t drive and is always asking everyone for lifts at insanely inconvenient times (can you pick me up from the city 40 minutes away at 11pm? No I fucking cannot) but her mother has always enabled her and she really shouldn’t drive she would be dangerous. She’s lovely but thoughtless and careless day to day!

The generalisations on this thread are becoming ridiculous.

1. Not everyone needs to or can learn to drive
2. Not all drivers are lazy and won't walk or use public transport
3. Some people won't learn to drive because they CBA
4. Some drivers are lazy and won't use public transport or walk
5. A significant number of drivers need to drive because they need to get to work, take stuff to the tip/charity shop, visit family who live in remote areas, have a family member with a disability or live somewhere with poor public transport, plus a multitude of other reasons

Please can drivers stop the faux naivety about people who don't drive, and please can non drivers stop with the moral superiority and faux naivety about public transport/Ubers re people who live where public transport is scarce or unreliable and Ubers non existant.

If I am going into the nearest city I prefer to get the train. However if one is cancelled it is two hours until the next one. There isn't a direct bus there from where I live and a taxi is £30+

I agree wholeheartedly. I project a little judgment on anyone who hasn’t heart to drive, because of my personal experience with family members refusing to learn to drive.

When my Dad was terminally ill in hospital, I had a 4.5 hour road trip to visit him. But, I had to pick my mother up to visit him too. Which meant I had to drive a further hour and a half passed the hospital to get my mum to come back on myself. My mother “prides” herself on not driving, but is happy for everyone else to go out their way to accommodate her.

Some non drivers are CFs

Some drivers are CFs

The necessity of driving is very heavily dependent on where you live. Where I live, it’s an absolute necessity. Every adult in my street drives. Years ago I lived in the London area. I didn’t need a car there. My DB lives very centrally in a city and doesn’t drive.

What is idiotic is telling someone else, whose situation you aren’t familiar with, that they should drive or take public transport.

It isn't, if they're like OP and will moan about it afterwards. Not worth it.

I don’t understand your last paragraph. People who could learn to drive but choose not to are CFs?

@Ophir is this post about your family?
most people didn't have cars or drive but the more that did, the worse public transport became and the lazier everyone was.
less people walking about makes it less safe too.
I didn't drive until my 40's. now too car dependent for job and health much worse.
Being able to navigate the world without lifts is a skill. When I got a lift pre driving, I'd also either refuse or offer petrol money.

You shouldn’t paint everyone with the same brush as your mother. Can you not see how unfair and bigoted that is? And you project judgement on them because of her, not nice.

Adults who can barely form coherent sentences aren't all that helpful either.

I despair of the number of young people who are ferried by car everywhere and haven't a clue how to be independent and use public transport.

Navigating public transport is a life skill you should teach your children.

Yes indeed. That’s why I said “I project a little judgement”.

We all do though don’t we through our own lived experiences. We wouldn’t be human if we didn’t. I’m not naive enough to say that I think everyone is like my mother. I do know others that don’t drive and I see very similar behaviour from them. I know one woman that often gets her husband to drop her off at work which is an hour and a half commute before he starts work. I’m yet to meet a non driver that doesn’t regularly put on someone.

I wonder what world these drivers live in who where they're continually being asked to give people lifts.

I don't think most people of my acquaintance would even know I don't drive - it's not something that comes up in conversation. If there's a plan to meet somewhere, it's just assumed you'll find your way there and back - we're all adults - no one takes it upon themselves to organise collective transport.

Ironically, the only time it's ever come up at work is if someone has asked me if I'm going to X thing and can I give them a lift, in which case I've had to explain I'll be on public transport!

You’re being unfair to post without context.

I’m 40 and don’t drive. I don’t expect lifts and I find it really odd that anyone would drive on a night out. Just get a taxi, bus or tube. But I do live in London, maybe more rural would be different.

Exactly this

Is there no public transport where they live?

Neither me or my DH drive (he can but really doesn’t need to so no car) so no “putting on” anyone.

Tbf you can't compare London public transport to anywhere else in the country though when it goes down it is crippling.
I was amazed when I moved to London to work for a short while at how much Sunday transport there was. Every 2 hours where I lived although it's not quite as bad now.

Neither of my DDs (in their 40s) drives. One has epilepsy and the other cannot afford the astronomic driving lesson costs let alone the ownership of a car. She and her partner are not well off, rent their home and have a young DC so they live in a town which has good transport links. Honestly @Ophir you are being unreasonable. If you don't want to give lifts to other people it's OK to say No.

I’d also say that a lot of drivers assume non-drivers want a lift, because to drivers, using your feet/public transport/a bike is unthinkable. This is very irritating and gets more so when they start to be martyrs about it. I’ve had ‘oh I can’t give you a lift tomorrow’ when I had absolutely no intention of accepting a lift. It really is off-pissing.

I have a car now - it would be pretty much impossible to manage without one in my current location but for years I lived in London and then in towns so never needed one.

I’m not sure I would find it easy without one now as I’m used to having it, unless I moved back to a city.

Not having a car at the time was the reason I picked home births though - it would have been two buses or a super expensive taxi to the nearest hospital in labour!

For my Mum, no there isn’t. Despite living rurally, neither them or my siblings drive (benefit dependent too so very limited lifestyle).

The other woman just refuses to take the trains buses into the city when she doesn’t feel like it.

I think it is also a mumsnet reader issue -
many problems that I read here are more problematic because the OP does not drive ….

and there is then all the problems related to an OP’s experience of people in their lives that don’t drive …

so no, YANBU !