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If you inherited money, would you give some to your partner?

137 replies

Dilemm · 21/04/2026 23:29

If you came into money, would you give your partner a wedge?

Not living together, you own your home and work a lot, made savings and pension, he rents, more cavalier attitude to going to work (public sector so gets paid)

Both in fifties

Both have dc but not joint.

OP posts:
Tablesandchairs23 · 22/04/2026 11:32

Absolutely not. You don't live together or share any finances. I wouldn't even tell them.

Luckyingame · 22/04/2026 11:36

Partner?
NO.

Zov · 22/04/2026 12:04

No. Not in your situation.

Wexone · 22/04/2026 12:19

As others have said not in your situation. We have benefitted from inheritance in the past but difference is we are married and its gone into our home, by affording us something better and allowing my husband to change his business to something he loves to do - It was my husbands inheritance
If i did inheritance it would be used to pay of debt, fix any big issues in the house etc and pay into savings

Lavender14 · 22/04/2026 13:01

In your situation absolutely not. I also think if that's his attitude you could inadvertently change the dynamics of your relationship and allow him to feel entitled to your money.

He's a grown man and if his approach toowork is cavalier then he's making active choices.

Pllystyrene · 22/04/2026 14:37

Of course not any money you give him is less you get to pass on to your own children.

gamerchick · 22/04/2026 14:40

Well I would but I don't have that set up. You, absolutely not. I wouldn't even mention it.

mindutopia · 22/04/2026 15:50

😂 um, no.

Dh and I are married. I inherited money and I put it towards our house (it’s about 1/4 the total value of the house), which we own together as joint tenants.

I wouldn’t just be writing cheques to some random boyfriend. Who next? The postman? A neighbour?

BeFunnyBiscuit · 22/04/2026 15:52

he is not a partner, but a friend
partner is someone who battles the same waves that your boat fights

farmlass · 22/04/2026 15:55

No no no.
No cash but a few nice treats or things at your discretion would be fine .
You don’t even have to mention it . And certainly DO NOT tell him how much!

FeelingALittleWoozyHere · 22/04/2026 16:01

When I inherited from my dad it just went straight into the family pot.

In your circumstances, no, absolutely not. Maybe treat them to a nice holiday or something

stapletonsguitar · 22/04/2026 16:29

Not on that situation no. I might treat him to a holiday or something (depends how much the inheritance was)

ay30916 · 22/04/2026 16:31

No not given your circumstances.

im married & DH got some inheritance last year. He hasn’t given me any as such but it’s been used to do loads of work on the house. He would give me some if I asked for something I really wanted. He’s going to use some towards a big holiday for us all next year so I have benefitted from it. In my mind it’s his money. I’m likely to get some inheritance at some point & adopt the same approach.

stapletonsguitar · 22/04/2026 16:34

You also haven’t said how long you’ve been together, or what your relationship is like generally. That might have some bearing on it.

I don’t think I’d tell him about it, in case it affected the relationship. If he gets to know about it he might expect some/be put out if you don’t offer/spring an unwanted proposal on you.

museumum · 22/04/2026 16:43

No, I wouldn't give him any money. It's weird to even consider gifting money to a partner.
But I would probably do a one-off treat like a trip somewhere together just to mark the inheritance and person's life who gave it and I would pay for us both then but make it clear it was a one-time thing and the rest of the money would be going into long term investments or pension or my own house.

Plumblossomsbloom · 22/04/2026 18:21

Dilemm · 22/04/2026 08:50

I think this hits the nail on the head.

Because of long and boring reasons, I tend to feel responsible for everyone and everything, and think I should save them 🙈

I am also naturally generous, so it’s hard to know what’s the right thing

One thing I've learnt in life is, everyone makes their choices. When people are skint, there's a reason for it. It's because they've spent all their money.

Very few single people living alone don't have any income in the UK and even those in that situation can change it with some form of help, whether that's claiming benefits, getting a job or returning to whatever country they came from and are entitled to help from. So pretty much everyone has an income from somewhere. Or has someone else, eg a parent or partner, paying their living expenses. Very few people can't live on their income. It may be tight to balance their finances and life may seem hard or miserable and their standards of living may be far from what they want, but if they stay out of debt it's usually doable to survive on whatever their income is.

So you say he's cavalier with money, but what makes you think he needs "saving", by you or anyone else? Just because he's not living like you do, it doesn't mean he doesn't have a plan. Maybe his home is social housing and you just don't know that or may be he's been on the waiting list for it for decades and his turn will come up when his landlord sells and he's made homeless. Maybe he detests cleaning and is happy living in an HMO, having only one room to clean and paying less rent than on a flat. At retirement, if all he's got is state pension, he'll get his rent paid by housing benefit. If he's living in social housing or cheap enough private rentals then it'll cover all his rent. That could put him in a better financial position than someone who owns a home but has to pay all the service charges and repairs themselves out of their state pension. Or maybe the reason he's skint is because he's funnelling 50% of his salary into pensions and savings, in preparation for his old age. I knew one person in poor health who happily accepted any debt they could get, on the basis that they expected to be dead long before they reached the stage of not being able to make the minimum repayments. They weren't remotely stressed about the debts and didn't have any kind of guilty conscience about never paying it back either. They worked, they spent and they enjoyed life, not expecting to live into retirement age. You really don't know his true circumstances. You only know what he tells/shows you and that may only be part of the truth.

I often tell people I "can't afford" something when it's not strictly true, it's just that I want to spend my money on something else or as a polite let down rather than telling them I don't want to do xyz at all/with them. He may be perfectly happy with his life and the way he's living it. What you see as money mismanagement may be be a conscious choice to prioritise fun in the present over saving for a future that isn't guaranteed to exist. And if he is just plain feckless and miserable with it, well, that's still not your problem!

Dilemm · 22/04/2026 18:34

Thank you all. This thread has really helped me reflect on my reasons for wondering any this. Yes, I’m a rescuer, and I guess I thought would really make things better for him. I know it’s not my job. I think I also sort of subconsciously wanted him to be more on a financial par with me, as it does make things awkward. I also feel guilty at my good fortune (raised to feel guilty for everything!)

i worry about future provision, he doesn’t, which is fine, but why Id never share finances with him: we are too different

We’ve been together for five years. Be knows about the inheritance as it’s a house in the town we live in, not far from London

OP posts:
Plumblossomsbloom · 22/04/2026 18:46

Even if you did give him a pile of cash, he may still not be on a financial par with you. If he has a different belief system then he could just as easily go out and blow it all on fancy holidays, designer clothes and a flash car. Before returning to his prior situation within a few years. Then you'd be really resentful!

If the relationship genuinely is awkward then maybe it's not right for you? Financial incompatibility is a thing and it's not always solved by separate finances. If the awkwardness is only on your side and something you could overcome with a change of mindset, that's different.

It's reading like you don't actually want to give him a gift, as such, which is why you're questioning it. What you really want is to change him/his circumstances so he's more like you. If he has to change to be the right man for you, then he's not right for you full stop. Same if it was the other way around. We are who we are, we are not "potential". Especially once we've left our youth behind.

oustedbymymate · 22/04/2026 18:50

Not with your set yo no

whattheysay · 22/04/2026 19:10

Dilemm · 22/04/2026 18:34

Thank you all. This thread has really helped me reflect on my reasons for wondering any this. Yes, I’m a rescuer, and I guess I thought would really make things better for him. I know it’s not my job. I think I also sort of subconsciously wanted him to be more on a financial par with me, as it does make things awkward. I also feel guilty at my good fortune (raised to feel guilty for everything!)

i worry about future provision, he doesn’t, which is fine, but why Id never share finances with him: we are too different

We’ve been together for five years. Be knows about the inheritance as it’s a house in the town we live in, not far from London

You chose him as your partner knowing he was not on a financial par with you

If there are things you would like to do then you could pay for it if he can’t afford it, you don’t have to set him up for life. Also after you hand him that cash he could leave you.

goodnessidontknow · 22/04/2026 19:31

No, I wouldn't in your situation. You don't need to rescue a grown man just because he has different financial values to you. I agree I would probably go on a nice holiday together but I wouldn't be handing over any amount.
Does he know how much the inheritance is? If so, be wary that there may become a gradual expectation that you will pay for things as "you have so much more". I'm not saying he will but if you're switched on to the possiblity you can set boundaries before you inadvertantly find you're a cash machine!

Dilemm · 22/04/2026 19:59

whattheysay · 22/04/2026 19:10

You chose him as your partner knowing he was not on a financial par with you

If there are things you would like to do then you could pay for it if he can’t afford it, you don’t have to set him up for life. Also after you hand him that cash he could leave you.

Not really, things were different when we met

But fair that I’ve let it go on

the gift idea was very much not contingent on him staying with me. As you can probably tell, I’m slightly detached

OP posts:
Pleasealexa · 22/04/2026 20:03

What was your thinking of "some"? E.g for his birthday/Christmas I might buy a nicer present or book a holiday for us both but that would be it.
Will it enable you to stop working? If so will this change the dynamic?

Duvetdayneeded · 22/04/2026 20:04

Absolutely not! Maybe a holiday you’ll both benefit from but that’s it.

PatsFishTank · 22/04/2026 20:08

Nope. Not in your situation.

DH and I have both had inheritances recently and they've gone into joint savings to pay off our mortgage when it's up for renewal in a couple of years, but we've been married 25 years and have kids. All our assets are shared.

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