If you inherited money, would you give some to your partner?

[Dilemm]

If you came into money, would you give your partner a wedge?

Not living together, you own your home and work a lot, made savings and pension, he rents, more cavalier attitude to going to work (public sector so gets paid)

Both in fifties

Both have dc but not joint.

No, but I might pay for a holiday

No.

With my ex, we did live together but didn't share finances beyond day to day costs. I inherited £50k, never gave him any, never spent any.

Current partner, don't live together, I inherited £60k, and c£160k to come. He won't be getting any nor would he expect any.

And I'd not expect any different the other way around.

Absolutely not. I intensely dislike the notion that anything good that comes your way has to be shared with friends and family. The unspoken expectations of it, that some people have, just rubs me up the wrong way.

If I decided to be generous with my money, it would be in the form of giving someone a gift. Like a home deposit for a child or buying a partner a cheap but brand new car, if the money was a big enough amount. Otherwise it'd be something like a more generous than usual gift, but a "just because" type of gift. Not a birthday or Christmas gift, because I wouldn't want to set any expectations of that continuing indefinitely.

The inheritance would be mine to invest or spend as I chose, to improve my own life. Not to be frittered away buying others affection or shared with them just because they're jealous of it happening to me and not them.

Appeasing people like that does you no favours, they won't be there if disaster strikes, you don't see that type for dust when the shit hits the fan.

Genuinely nice people won't expect anything from you, won't expect you to purchase their love or their presence in your life.

I actually don't discuss finances with anyone else, other than to say "yes, ok" or "no, sorry I can't afford it right now/ever" to some suggested joint venture like a holiday or night out. I don't see why anyone other than a husband/wife needs to know what your finances are, a pre-marriage discussion obviously, so you both know what you're getting into.

No. I gave half to my partner but he subbed me 100% through ill health and it was payback really.
I wouldn't do this in your situation.

Did he ask for any?

Did you birth him? No
Are you responsible for him? No

It could make an even bigger difference to an orphan in a third world country, but I don't suppose you're considering finding one and gifting them a lump sum are you? Not that I'm saying you should be. Just, don't let love cloud your judgement. He's your partner, he's supposed to be your equal, so don't mother him because he's not a child he's a grown-ass adult.

Don't mentally tie yourself to someone as if you were married to them when you aren't. See the fact you're even considering doing this as a sign that you need to mentally take a step back, because you're getting over involved. Alternatively, you really secretly want to throw yourself wholeheartedly into a partnership with him, in which case get married and live together and pool finances etc. If you're not going to be doing that ASAP, then don't act today as if you've already done it.

Unless you are one joint household (which you are not) keep your finances close to your chest and dont let him know you have cash. If you must tell him about the inheritance name a far lesser sum and drop him a couple of grand or pay for a nice holiday.

Husband yes. Current boyfriend who doesn’t even live with me, no. Strong no.

It would depend how much the inheritance is and how long I’ve been with my partner and how well he treats me. But my DD would be first in line then my sister.

No not as a BF. However my DH of 27 yo marriage shared what remained of his parents estate with me via paying off the balance of a mortgage.

If he had been my BF though, perhaps shouting dinner here and there would be as far as I would go...

You need to ring fence your inheritance and put it to work for your future.

Our friends are going through a very long property settlement and one of them is going to come out of it with less than they started with (due to the fall in property values) the other will come out about the same as 10 years ago.

They are both in their 50's and it's increasingly looking like one of them will never be able to borrow to buy their own property again, which is what they sold to get where they are now.

None of it.

an inheritance is your chance to really save for your future.

No. And after a marriage breakup where I realised just how little you can actually know someone really, I doubt I'd give any to a dh.

Not in this setting. .you're closer to a boyfriend and girlfriend situation

Person from experience I wouldn’t .

i recently got inheritance from my late mother and I didn’t give any money to my DH . I gave a sizeable chunk to each of my DS’s to put away in their savings /or invest in their future . The rest I saved / put in an ISA.

My DH has a very good job with a lot extremely good package and a healthy wage with bonus every year , so he doesnt need any money of me . Plus his parents both passed away with 2 years of each other of cancer , and he got a very good hesitance from the sale plus other things . No one saw any money from him .

I didn’t expect anything but I would have liked my boys to got something more than what their grandparents gave them , for their future .
they will get their money eventually but it will be a long wait .

Similar age and my partner's mum died recently.

I didn't ask or expect anything. He's shouting me a holiday which I'm very grateful for. I'd do similar if/when the situation was reversed but my inheritance is family money and will be used to benefit my children.

I have, and not really. Dp and I live together and this has happened and I’m not directly giving him anything. He is benefiting in multiple ways - I’m paying the majority of our wedding costs, the majority of a major holiday we are having together, and his most recent big birthday was a ‘push the boat out’ event. I’ve also subbed him while he’s waiting for a payment of his own to be released, as he wanted to do something time-limited with it. Tbh I think I’ve been generous. But our finances are kept separate because we each have kids of our own.

Absolutely not.

I wouldn’t give any to a boyfriend i didn’t even live with. And a long term partner or husband yes but it would depend on our financial situation and set up.
My husband yes I would give it to
him because he has supported me our whole lives and would give me (and our children) his last penny.
A husband who spent his money on himself and made me go 50/50 on everything then no.

Definitely not.

No, under no circumstances would I give money away unless it was a shared house/marriage/shared kids situation. And in that case it would be in the family pot rather than ‘giving away’

i would also be cautious about paying for holidays in case it became expected. I’d end up feeling resentful.

enjoy your money and give your kids a leg up.

Absolutely not. His cavalier attitude is not my problem.

Nope. I inherited money and didn’t even give some to my DH.

I think depending on the amount, like if it's enough for you and your children to be set up for life and the amount you are thinking of wouldn't affect you and yours, I would. It's lovely to be able to help people without any strings attached, and would be good to see him succeed.

I have always seen an inheritance as a responsibility. I see it as money to help the next generation, not to be spent on something frivolous.

I have had an inheritance from both parents. The first was more than 25 years ago. It wasn’t huge, but enough to make some small home improvements to make the whole family more comfortable. Also paid a chunk towards the mortgage.

The second, around 10 years ago. We were mortgage free by then and it wasn’t as much, but I used it as the deposit on an investment property to help the kids one day.

In the last five years my husband has had an inheritance. His was more substantial. We paid off the investment property, took the whole family on a decent but in no way extravagant holiday and gifted the adult children money. This gift was straight up and clearly with strings attached. It was not to be spent on a frivolous items. They were told it was to be used to get on the property ladder. They have each handled this in different but acceptable (to us) ways. Some buying immediately and another putting it in a high interest account and adding to it. Ready to buy once they have their permanent job location.

I figure all of our parents worked damn hard to leave us something (still spending on themselves though), so we felt responsible not to waste or fritter it away. Hopefully when we die, our kids will treat an inheritance the same way, although there are no guarantees.

In your situation, not a chance in hell! I wouldn’t have even told them about it or at the very least, vastly downplayed the amount. I would most likely be more generous in paying for shared outings a holiday, but I wouldn’t be splashing the cash. I’d be using it to benefit myself and my adult children.

Money causes so many issues. Even those who like you can feel jealous. None of our friends know about our inheritances. They may have made some assumptions, but we haven’t mentioned anything. We’ve also both always worked full time though, so from the outside, the extra money wouldn’t have been noticeable.

Absolutely not