@Bixterret First of all, I'm so sorry for your loss. You have asked about the sadness that is still with you after the death of your partner. The card I have for you is the nine of Wands. Whenever I see this card I think of the William Ernest Henley poem Invictus:
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.
This card is one that speaks to our 'unconquerable soul.' A man stands, supported by just one staff, while behind him loom the other eight. He has seen them all off, and is still standing. It is to your testament that you are still standing after all you have been through. The wands can stand for many things, but in your case, they seem to represent your sadness. You can keep it at bay only for so long, but it is always there at your elbow, threatening to overwhelm you. When a card comes along that seems to do no more than agree with us that this is how life is right now, the only thing we can do is roll with it a little longer.
I pulled another card for you, and the card that appeared was The Queen of Swords. She is often called The Widow Queen, in Tarot, which seems very apt in your case. She is self reliant, resourceful and self contained. She is not someone to ask people for help, believing she can ride these things out by herself. She is wary in making herself beholden to others, and while these are all noble qualities, she does sometimes need to accept help and support from those who love her, or else risk becoming more and more cut off from them.
She is a person who lives mostly in the mind, and it might help to take some advice from her oppo, the Queen of cups, who is a great believer in letting it all out, talking things through and listening to your intuition.
I sincerely hope things become easier for you in time.