New horse all gone wrong

[Chocolatecakeandcoffee]

First horse, been a dream for many years (am 44) and has all gone wrong. He arrived with a cold and had to be kept in a stable until he was better. He’s never been kept in a stable and ended up being in for four days. On the fourth day he was tied up outside the stable while being mucked out and broke the twine and bolted off to the fields on the head collar and lead rope. No one could catch him so the YO said to put him in the field. I left him for the weekend to settle in (visiting him in the field, grooming a bit and giving a few bits of apple). On Monday caught him and led him to the yard for some food (just held the lead rope while he ate) then straight back to the field). Same on Tuesday. Wed tried to tie him up while he had his food but he got a bit stressy. Thursday he was ridden and was ok although tried to run off as the halter was around his neck as I got the bridle on. Luckily one of the girls who work at the yard managed to hold him. On Friday I caught him and was going to ride but he was stressy and one of the girls who work there rode him. He was ok. On Sat and Sunday I just caught him and brought him down for some chaff and carrots/apples. Monday-Tue he was caught etc and ridden on Tue. All good. Wed and Thurs caught him then he ran off. Managed to ring him down to yard for food. Today he bolted as I was trying to tack him up knocking me flying and almost running into a lady who was leading her horse to the field. He then broke into the field. I managed to rug him up and left him. I think he’s not suitable. He was lovely when I tried him and I thought he’d be great. Am so sad now...I need to return him to the dealer. He was meant to be a happy hack for me any two daughters but we don’t have the experience and I am worried he will hurt them with his bargey behaviour. Can I return him to the dealer as not suitable (I’ve let her know but she’s not answering my calls)? It’s been 21/2 weeks since I got him. Thanks for reading

As a cob, he will have a mind of their own & will need a firm hand. I suspect when you tried him, he had been regularly ridden & schooled by v experienced staff. They probably got him good & tired beforehand. You could keep him & soldier on, but you would need to put a lot of £ into getting someone else to school him. You also do not sound very experienced, & Give the impression of not having the skills to bring him on.
I have recently bought a 4YO cob, am doing a lot of ground work with him & my male yard owner is producing him by riding him 3x a week. This costs, but he has a good temperament, is a good mover & will be excellent by 5-6. But I have ridden for 40 years, but I would still get a lot of help from pros. I also go to demos, read books, watch videos & get regular ridden lessons. Hopefully, you see where I am going with this....

Can I ask if there is a regular thing that triggers him? Has his teeth been checked? He could be in pain and trying to get out if being tacked up. When we've had a few characters we always made sure teeth, back and feet, basically all ok and healthy. What sort of vet check did her have? I have been in your position before but it takes time and patience. They aren't robots. They miss their friends. They may not get on with their new field mates. They are super sensitive souls. But please make sure his health is checked out properly if the vetting you had wasn't a 5 star one. He may need his teeth checked. I ended up having a mare who became just a huge dog with me just leading her in hand. It wasn't ideal but she had been through enough and we had lots of fun together in hand. Although this isn't what you want obviously. Do you know his history? Previous owner? Injuries? Xx

Completely agree with @powershowerforanhour and @Crunchiedelight

Why waste the best years faffing about with a horse that isn’t fit for purpose?

It’s understandably sad for you and the horse but the safety of you and your children must come first. You’d rather sort it at this point than have an unmanageable expensive field ornament to try and sell yourself.

Best of luck to you, whatever you decide x

Contrary to PPs, it is not my experience that there are plenty of issue free horses out there who will behave politely even when unsettled, unhappy and poorly managed and handled. There are many reasons why this horse might be unhappy - it might be unsettled in its new herd, or unable to access the hay due to herd dynamics. The set up of the yard may not facilitate a calm environment. The OP might be hopeless at handling it. The horse may just need a bit of additional groundwork, or any one of a thousand minor interventions. There's every reason to get a good pro in to give some guidance and assess the situation. But the OP wants to send "it" back, so I don't have a lot of hope for their horse owning future.

@Moanranger

As a cob, he will have a mind of their own & will need a firm hand. I suspect when you tried him, he had been regularly ridden & schooled by v experienced staff. They probably got him good & tired beforehand. You could keep him & soldier on, but you would need to put a lot of £ into getting someone else to school him. You also do not sound very experienced, & Give the impression of not having the skills to bring him on. I have recently bought a 4YO cob, am doing a lot of ground work with him & my male yard owner is producing him by riding him 3x a week. This costs, but he has a good temperament, is a good mover & will be excellent by 5-6. But I have ridden for 40 years, but I would still get a lot of help from pros. I also go to demos, read books, watch videos & get regular ridden lessons. Hopefully, you see where I am going with this....

I didn’t buy a project although and also read a lot/have experienced people to help/have had him schooled a couple of times. They have also struggled with his behaviour...yes I could spend a lot of time dealing with this but I have two daughters who I’d like to keep safe so a bought a happy hack. I loan a cob who can have stubborn moments but he is safe for my daughters to ride and handle

I disagree with most of these posts. No, 2 weeks isn't that long, but you want an easy horse to enjoy and this one doesnt sound like he is going to be that. Horses take up a lot of time and money, you want one you're going to be able to enjoy!!

I disagree with a lot of these posts.

Speak to the dealer and send him back. Horses are expensive and time consuming and unsuitable horses aren’t fun. I’ve owned many horses over the years and as a child, teen and then adult - looking back we had some quite unsuitable ones. They knock your confidence and you knock theirs.

In my opinion, a safe, steady happy hacker would have settled enough by now. He sounds very difficult. It will possibly get much harder instead of better.

I’ve made the mistake of perseverance with unsuitable horses and while it can work (I had my most unsuitable purchase 20 years and he was my soul mate horse) it’s a lot of hard work.

If you decide to keep him (and I quite understand why you wouldn't if you feel he's not the right horse for you and your daughters) check out Ben Hart - www.facebook.com/benharthorsemanship - for really good advice on how to foster a relationship.

I worry about the posts on here talking about relationships and bonding. Horses are a lot more decisive than us and learn fast.

The other day I saw an owner who has been getting to know her new horse for about a month struggling to turn him out. Horse wouldn't go anywhere, barged and dragged her to every patch of grass. She lost it and started shouting at him. Another livery offered to help and, having never spent a minute with this horse, walked him confidently and calmly into his field. The horse completely changed when she took the lead rope. He didn't know her but he responded decisively to her confidence. I doubt anyone sitting in his field reading a book would have changed the situation for either handler.

Reading more of your replies it does sound like your mind is made up. If the dealer already has a good reputation then im sure they will take him back. You will probably need to keep chasing them. You said your yard owner knows the dealer. Do they think you should send him back?

I disagree with most posters. A horse truest suitable for a novice should be be able to arrive and be tacked up same day. Think about then you take a horse to a stay away show etc. Horses that can’t be handled in new environments by novices are not novice rides... what then happens is the novice looses their nerve, the horse gets worse and the spiral continues. An experienced rider can manage a horse that’s a worrier. A novice doesn’t need a worrier. I have a worrier (mine live at home) and whilst he’s ace to ride, on the ground if he gets panicked he will go straight through you IF he doesn’t trust you. He won’t do it to me but will my husband because the energy my OH gives off does not give him confidence. Horses suitable for novices shouldn’t be nervous in nature. I know they are not machines but there are horses that are more easy going than others (like people) the OP needs one that allows a positive confidence spiral to grow, not the other way round. I’ve seen this many many times (I have been around horses since I was 5) and you see them on yards and I always feel for the new owner who feels the conflict of emotion of fear, guilt and frustration that it just isn’t working. The horse can feel it too.

Good grief, what a frustrating thread! It’s crystal clear that you want to return him, @Chocolatecakeandcoffee; you aren’t taking on board any of the advice given, barely respond to questions and just keep repeating the same limited info. Send the horse back and stop wasting everyone’s time!

@NoAuthorityAtAll

Good grief, what a frustrating thread! It’s crystal clear that you want to return him, *@Chocolatecakeandcoffee*; you aren’t taking on board any of the advice given, barely respond to questions and just keep repeating the same limited info. Send the horse back and stop wasting everyone’s time!

This is a little “harsh”. I think the OP sounds pretty level headed. Most of the advice given has been dreadful (and I say that as a qualified instructor).

Spoke with the dealer today who is happy to have him back. I am very sad and hope he finds a great home where he can be happy. My YO agrees. It is so difficult as he has a lot of potential for the right owner. I have learnt a lot and will be very careful when looking for horses in the future. If anyone knows of any good dealers in Kent or south of England that they can recommend, please message me

Good news OP. Hopefully it feels like a weight off your mind.

Glad you've got a positive result; good for you and good for the horse.

Yes I think it’s the best outcome all round. Let’s hope you and the horse find much more suitable partnerships.

Good outcome OP and I hope you have better luck with your next purchase. I too think you've had an unnecessarily hard time on this thread, I'm all for 'horses aren't machines' and 'give them time to settle' and I've brought on two rescue/project horses myself so I certainly know the meaning of patience, but it sounds as though you bought what you thought was a 'made', experienced, bombproof type suitable for a novice owner/rider and that sort of horse should not be panicking and pissing off when stabled or tied up (unless you were clearly told it can't be stabled on purchase) and you shouldn't need to spend 6 months working on groundwork and 'building a bond' unless that's what you want to do or you've specifically bought a project, I'm more of the old school of thought that the more work you do with most horses the better they go and calmer they are personally, but each to their own...

I'd say as a general guide most horses I've seen of the type you want should as a minimum be able to be quietly ridden around an arena and out for short walk hacks with a sensible companion 2 weeks in to their new home - not necessarily doing it totally without hiccups but what you're describing sounds like more than a hiccup. Not saying its the horses fault of course before I get leapt on but I think you've been very wise to return him before someone gets seriously hurt and/or the horse does himself a mischief, hopefully back in his old routine/setting and with pro handling he'll find a more suitable home and you'll find a lovely calm hack... what's your budget if you don't mind me asking and do you def want to buy from a dealer or would you consider from a private seller?

@Chocolatecakeandcoffee

Spoke with the dealer today who is happy to have him back. I am very sad and hope he finds a great home where he can be happy. My YO agrees. It is so difficult as he has a lot of potential for the right owner. I have learnt a lot and will be very careful when looking for horses in the future. If anyone knows of any good dealers in Kent or south of England that they can recommend, please message me

I'd think long and hard before looking for another horse. It sounds like you need to gain lots confidence and horsemanship skills before you have another horse. I would strongly recommend you wait until you have more experience before you even consider it.

OP you could be describing my horse as a ten year old. He was sold as a good all rounder and a calm, quiet horse. However, he is only calm and quiet if managed very carefully. Without that management he is a bargey stresshead. This meant that for two years he got passed from pillar to post in a succession of homes with people who just couldn't cope with him. By the time I got him he was 12 and extremely stressed and unhappy.

I'm experienced and I had a lot of help with him. He's taught me so, so much and I love him dearly. Many people think he's the perfect horse and dope-on-a-rope. However, I wouldn't have left him to a relatively inexperienced owner and two teenagers. It just wouldn't work. He is now having a happy retirement but to this day he still needs careful management and handling. I don't think your dealer did anything wrong as such. Any horse used to living out and then shut in a stable for 4 days could go a bit stir crazy. I hope your horse gets the right owner in the end.

OP I’ve ridden for 45 years and know what it’s like to lose your nerve, and how that feels. Horses are supposed to be fun. It’s not fun when your scared. I bet this horse cost you a lot of money, and costs a lot to keep and look after.

Be honest, when you are about to go to the yard, are you happy and excited? Or do you have an anxious feeling in the pit of your stomach? If it’s the former then yes I’m sure with time, consistency and lots of support at the yard you can turn this around. But I’d it’s the latter then there is no shame in saying: I’m frightened, this isn’t fun anymore, I want it to stop. If that’s the case then definitely send the horse back. The dealer may not give you all your money back, or may offer to part-ex him for something else, or try and sell him for you. Just warning you.

When you had him vetted, did they take bloods? It’s not unheard of for dealers to dope horses that are being tried to make them quieter. That would show up in a blood test but you wouldn’t otherwise know.

Good luck. Do the right thing for you.

OH and just to add to op; horses thrive on routine. If work or other commitments make it difficult to ride/ go to the yard every day at the same time then you need to get part livery on the days you can’t do. Some are fine picked up and put down, but many horses would be a nightmare if they are not ridden every day (and just given one day off a week). Routine and consistency.

When I last moved yards it took weeks for me to be able to tie my horse up outside as she'd pull back and break the twine. It takes a while to settle in, especially if coming from a dealer where the horse has presumably had a couple of recent yard moves.

It’s not just the tying up...it’s bolshiness that is extreme (the experienced staff at the yard have not seen behaviour like this before). I fully understand that horses take time to settle in...I think this may be a bigger issue. If he isn’t returned before 30 days I may end up with a dangerous horse on a yard where there are many children (including my own). He bolts blindly knocking anything in his path over...I’m sure an experienced horse person would know what to do but I am a hobby rider who rides for fun and I want a safe, easy horse (they do exist!) and I will be very careful who I buy from in the future...some of the advice on this thread has been amazingly supportive and I really appreciate the time you’ve put in to reply (some posters have been mean-really no need for it. You never know what someone is going through so always better to be nice and there are always nice/supportive ways to put things)

Well done on your decision and good luck with your next purchase.