I’m sorry if it’s strange to post this here. I just really don’t know where to turn and I thought this forum could be helpful due to there being active teachers who could offer their thoughts on what happened and advice.
From the ages of 14-17 (15 years ago), I started having emotional difficulties and confided in a teacher at school. I was depressed, self-harming, making myself sick - really struggling to function. The relationship that then transpired between the teacher and myself wasn’t normal. It had no boundaries, was heavily dependency driven and extremely damaging to my then vulnerable state and future self. I became completely isolated from friends and family, and withdrew to the point where this teacher became my entire world.
Without going into all the details.... mostly the teacher and I would meet alone during and after school, and he would also give me lifts to and from school. We would email each other regularly and there were phone calls, texts, gifts and hugs. All of these interactions involved us talking about our problems and were never school related.
The teacher never shared the extent of our contact with the school or my parents. I believe he was warned to distance himself from me at one point, but then told me we could keep communicating and things carried on. No one seemed fully aware/bothered about what was happening, so no one ever stepped in. As nothing sexual/romantic occurred, it’s incredibly hard to explain this experience to people as well as the effect it had/continues to have on my life.
It’s taken me years to even talk about this situation because I can’t make sense of it or understand what it all meant. I feel abnormal, at fault, and deeply ashamed. Even though I was a child, I still blame myself for engaging in this relationship with him because of everything it left me with. Through living with the chaos of the emotional difficulties I was struggling with at the time, and the added rollercoaster of the connection I had with the teacher, trauma that already existed was compounded and I developed PTSD.
I guess that essentially, I just need an outside opinion - especially from someone who knows the rules and regulations teachers have to abide by. I really don’t know if I’m making a huge deal out of nothing and the problem is with me or if what happened really was wrong and inappropriate and he needs to be held accountable in some way.
I would be grateful to hear from any of you, or if you have any direction of where I could go for further advice, I’d appreciate it so much. Thank you.