The Thirty-First Republic - oh the joy of on-line parents evenings

[StaffAssociationRepresentative]

You are most welcome to this school staff support thread to get us through stressful times. It is meant for school staff only – a sort of room of requirement. Baiters, haters, goaders, and bashers can jog on somewhere else.

If you are NOT staff and just have a general education query please start your own thread.

You can play here if you are a member of one the following groups-

-ABBA - anti bashers and baiting association
-SWAB - school workers against bashers
-SWOT - school workers opposing teacherbashers
-STARS - schoolworkers together against ranting + slurs

Do not give the staffroom password just in case it attracts the wrong sort

Other requirements for staff room entry include the ability to find the staff room, the ability to find a clean mug in the staff room, knowledge of the photocopier codes, and the ability to sniff out where the booze is stashed - Thirsty Tuesdays, Fizz Fridays now in operation.

If you come with a stick to goad us then that is not allowed in the staffroom and you will receive a detention

When I cried on the head on Friday one of my things was that I'm doing a shit job and I might as well be "Teacher x" who finally quit teaching after being really bad at it for quite a while. Head said that even on my worst day I wasn't that bad. Backhanded compliment I suppose.
Did a bit of marking, posted mum's advent calendar (it's jigsaws!!), have been out on my bike. Party food for dinner again. Have resisted buying shoes. So far.

@MrsHamlet, are you feeling any better today though?
You don't have to respond to this but if you live alone, do you have a support bubble? People/person you could meet up with for TLC that colleagues can't provide (least of all, your HT, with the emotional intelligence of a wellington boot)?

@CallmeAngelina I wish I lived alone... I live with my ex!!! It's not horrible but it is miserable sharing space with someone who once was a partner but now is, at best, disinterested and disengaged.
I do feel more human though - thank you for asking. I feel like I spend much of my work week supporting others and then it gets too much and it all falls apart. My real life friends don't know how I'm feeling, and neither do my family. Not very healthy I know!
I just want a cuddle 😢. In the absence of that, this place is helping.
PS I suspect Wellington boots may have more emotional intelligence than he does!

Aw Hamlet I had to do that for a while. It’s shit.

With your ex? 😳 Blimey!
That must make a shitty situation feel even worse. Even in your own home, you can't let down your guard.

Oh MrsHamlet, I’m so sorry. You are incredibly strong and you’ll get through this.
I’m sure this will help!

Thanks again all. I treated myself to a strawberry and black pepper gin today and it's going down nicely :)
Hope everyone else is having a soothing Saturday night.

It is absolutely hellish sharing with your ex. I moved into the attic room for 6 months in a previous, before we could sort finances out. I have huge sympathy for you MrsHamelt, and sending you virtual hugs and a virtual girls' night out

Pity there isn't a (kebab) or (chips) emojie! 🤣 As my nights out usually have chips between spirits and tea 🤣

Living with your ex? God, no wonder you’re tempted by Moscow, MrsHamlet

I’m lucky in that the only pressing thing I have to worry about right now is covidy plague-school. to everyone, especially those with other things going on on top of that.

I've just finished my reports for this cycle.

Hope you had a lovely meal out, HoneyBadger, and sorry to hear that things are so shit, Mrs H, WhyNot and everyone else who is having a rotten time outside of school as well. MsAwesomeDragon, hope that you had a safe journey, collecting your dd.

I'm eating too much rubbish and drinking too much alcohol at the moment. Got to that slightly manic stage by the end of the week and ended up acting a bit hyper, trying to encourage my 6th formers to learn the laws of logarithms. Most of them could hardly keep upright, they are knackered as well.

Got another set of reports to be turned in next weekend, but I can't think that far ahead. Just need to get through my 5 period day on Monday, then I'll have a bit of space to clear my head.

Dd is home. Her flatmate has been released from hospital with drugs and a list of symptoms to look out for (not covid related) and dd is happy enough that she will be ok with the other flatmate looking after her. We had takeaway to celebrate her coming home. (I didn't even like mine, it was from a different takeaway)

Sorry you're having such a rubbish time MrsH. I can't imagine living with an ex at such an awful time, it's tough enough with a loving husband, but am unsupportive ex would be so much worse.

Good news that your DD is home, MsAwesome, that must be such a relief.

Good news MrsA!

It is a relief that she's home, and will be here til January at least. We've still got plenty of things to sort out, like negotiating time off/extensions on deadlines with uni, and getting an appointment with the GP to get back on the antidepressants, and possibly trying to get an online therapist. But at least she's home, and we can deal with all that stuff together (she'll have to do the majority of it, but with our support and encouragement it will hopefully be easier than doing it completely on her own).

Yay to MrsA. You sound like such a supportive mum

In my 1st year of uni I had pneumonia and anorexia and was 4.5 stone. My parents visited to ask how I could be so cruel to do this to them.
I'm 46 and will.never forget it.
I'm sure your DD will never forget how loving and supportive you are being. These things imprint on the brain and give you a sense of self worth. You are doing amazing things for your DD and I'm sorry if it sounds trite

Oh why 😢

Oh why that's so awful!! You poor, poor thing. I hope you're in a much better place now. I just can't imagine parents behaving like that to a young adult.

I'm trying to be as supportive as I can be. I feel immensely guilty that I didn't pick up on the ASD earlier, as it was something that's only been mentioned since she started uni. With the benefit of hindsight there were things that should have pointed me in that direction, but we just dealt with things as and when they happened, and didn't join the dots to suspect ASD. I feel like a shit mum for that, but I'm doing all I can do now to help as much as I can.

I think ASD in girls can be quite tricky. Masking etc. I suspect my eldest is ASD, as well as myself, but high functioning females are somehow.overlooked. my brother was obviously diagnosed as ASD but female "obsessions" seem less clinically recognised.
Personally I think if you can see things and relate from your dc point of view, rather than being as self centered as a spinning top, then you're winning at parenting
But then I'm probably doing my very academic but empathically stunted DP a disservice. They did what they could within their limitations.

All of dd's obsessions seemed perfectly normal to me. When everybody's obsessed with Harry Potter why would I suspect she's taking it beyond the realms of normal? And music seems like a normal obsession to me as well. Now she's at uni, her obsession is historical re-enactment, that seems less normal but there are lots of them around if you know where to look (having met them, I think there are a lot of undiagnosed autistics in the group). I also suspect my brother has high functioning ASD, but he's now in his 40s and has never been diagnosed. So having grown up with him and his quirks, dd's quirks were just fairly average things that kids do.

I know quite a few women with ASD who were all diagnosed as adults, either when they went to uni, or when their kids were going through the diagnostic process they suddenly recognised those aspects of themselves.

Obsessions are easily contextually normalised.
For me it was the family.sport and genetics of the family pets. And art. Normal. Well ish... The genetics was through a database program I wrote that Calculated offspring traits according to dominant and recessive genes. Less normal for the average 14 yo but normal for my family iyswim?

Oh I think that in some families autistic children go unnoticed because the adjustments that are needed to be made in other environments are already in place and just a natural part of living. They go unnoticed because you have done such a good job of treating them as an individual with their own needs instead of trying to fit them into a box.

It’s the rubbing up against a more unforgiving society where issues become apparent.

Why you’re a sweetheart and clearly deserved more from your parents but if they are incapable of giving that support then that is not your fault.

Sorry to hear about your shower of shit Mrs H, any chance you can lock ex in shed?

I'm intrigued that you mentioned a jigsaw advent calendar, can we hear more about thar?

In my 1st year of uni I had pneumonia and anorexia and was 4.5 stone. My parents visited to ask how I could be so cruel to do this to them

That’s really shit.

Mine moved out of the country in my first year and didn’t leave me an address or phone number.