Why do some parents have such low expectations?

[CandODad]

School expectation is for children to read at home five times a week.

Class rule is at least three times or you attend a twenty minute lunch club on a Friday.

I had a parent trying to complain that I was robbing their child of play time and should blame them not the child?

I pointed out it wasn't about blame but learning a life skill but they honestly thought there was no issue to a child with no SEND issues being eight but reading at a five year olds level.

How do I resolve this?

I don't think you can tell parents how to raise their children or what to do with their children's time outside of school.

Some parents don't read well themselves. Some families are very time poor: both parents work and commute, more than one child, all they can do to get them fed, bathed and in bed.

I am a "push parent" with high achieving children. I volunteered at the school with reading activities for years. Even as a highly educated, sahm with only two "easy" children, we didn't manage to read 5 times a week consistently.

I wish we wouldn't push children so hard in infants. From what I read, there is little advantage in pushing them so young and possibly some damage.

qz.com/546832/stanford-researchers-show-were-sending-many-children-to-school-way-too-early/?utm_source=atlfb

OP I have a year 1 child who has become very reluctant to read at home. I don't force her as I don't want reading to become a battle or a chore. I do read to her every night and I manage to get her to read to me 2 or 3 times a week.

Despite all of this, she is working well ahead of age expectations (gold level so about a year ahead).

If I didn't sign her book 5 times a week, would you take away her playtime? Because if you did I'd be furious.

Mornings are spent getting two children ready for school and walking them there. In the evenings they are in bed when I get home. After school they are with other carers and relatives plus doing activities. Weekends are spent doing homework with older one, speech work and reading with younger one, as well as food shopping, cleaning, firefighting work issues, trying to stay on top of essential household admin, plus try to give them a normal childhood with park and cinema visits, play dates etc. Most weekends involves a library visit.
I am v bookish, as is older one. And I would struggle to get five reading sessions in. There must be loads of families in a far worse situation than mine?
So why don't schools have after school homework clubs. Then all the kids would have equal access to support and full time working parents wouldn't be tearing their hair out trying to find after school care they can't afford which doesn't even allow kids time to study?

Homework clubs for eight year olds. The world has definitely gone mad!

Lavender it's worse than that - a school near me has invited pupil premium kids to stay after school once a week in a specialclub to boost results..... From reception age!!

Being fully numerate and literate is very important.

But so is having childhood. So is listening, learning and enjoying music. So is painting, drawing and painting making things. So is exercise and playing and enjoying sport.

I despise the national curriculum. All it seems to focus on is numeracy and literacy. And the 'world around you'.

No wonder we live in a culture of anxious children, who are addicted to screens and quite possibly on the road to obesity and life long health problems.

Peace out

However some kids aren't encouraged to be curious about things at home. Being prescriptive has its failings as shown by this thread. However some parents just don't appreciate the effect that encouraging an enquiring mind has on the success of kids at school. I agree homework itself may not achieve this. However homework is often the clumsy attempt at making sure kids development is recognized and involves parents. Positive feedback, recognition for effort, time spent on abstract chatter are things no parent would argue against - vitally important for sen kids, as they may fall outside of what is age related within the classroom, a positive experience and recognition for their efforts is vital - assuming it's at the right level for kids). Involvement and interest in learning and thinking isn't a burden and should definitely involve playing and relaxing. However all parents want the best for their kids, they just go about it in a different way. It's not about low expectations - but some could do with ideas and help from schools. They want their child to grow up with excitement and wonder, but feel unsure about things. A general attitude of 'let them get on with it' it's 'their time'. A teacher said to me 'this is his is only time at being 7, let's make it a great 7' it really stuck. I think at times life gets in the way and we forget that, threads like this are useful to remind me. Reading should be for enjoyment, learning is ongoing. School is there to regulate the fun.

Tomorrow we are doing whatever he wants, with enthusiasm and he will learn from it something I'm sure. We will read all the signposts, count them and see who can remember any at bedtime.

I agree skerry It is worrying that is what stresses OP out an 8 year old reading what I imagine are dull books at a 5 year olds level.

We didn't even start learning to read until 7-8 some picked it up earlier some didn't. In my family we have mainly doctors, Rhodes scholars and an English lit professor.

I hate to think how we would have turned out if we were labelled as behind at 8.

Homework clubs for eight year olds. The world has definitely gone mad!

Erm - all these parents too busy to give their child five minuets a day?

Yes school solution to help their child is seen as punishment rather than a bit of extra help?

And no a teacher doesn't have 30 x 5 mins a day to hear all the kids read - that's 2.5 hours a day or all afternoon!!

I don't think it is that the parents are too busy. I think that reading should not be seen as a chore at all but something to enjoy.

Many of us have said that we do make the effort to read To our children for pleasure. Just not necessarily make them read their usually dull reading books.

I don't think it necessarily is about low expectations. My expectation for my child is that she will - throughout her life - find joy in reading. Therefore, I don't always make her read her school books (although I read to her every night) because I think anything that makes reading a chore at a young age is massively counter productive. It's easy for me to have that expectation because I'm an English Graduate- and I feel confident that I'm making the right choice in not making her read against her will. It must be much harder for some families for whom reading is not a pleasure to know what to do - are they really expected to force their child to read if they don't want to, if they've been working long hours or have other children and complicated childcare arrangements? Many parents might have negative associations/ be intimidated by the idea of reading. I'm really quite shocked that a child might be punished in school for not reading at home.

I don't think you foster a life-long love of reading by telling a child they have to forego playtime and join a reading club instead as punishment for not doing their homework.

My mum used to buy my brother comics because itvwas the only way she could get him to read. In her opinion at least he was reading.

I said I didnt read at all this week to my DC. Some parents are too busy actually - try having two close family members in hospital and juggle your work and kids and hospital visits (to two different hospitals - 10 miles apart) oh and then tell me I'm failing as a parent because spending five hours a day visiting very ill people who need you, means that I can't read for five minutes. We get home after bedtime most nights - so there really isnt time.

Im sick of the fucking judgement of some parents and schools - most parents are busy, busier than parents were 30 years ago as generally both parents work and working hours are longer than they have been in the past.

I give up - I really do.

This seems all wrong to me!

Reading should be enjoyed. It is a wonderful pleasure.

I can't think of anything that I'd do willingly if it was compulsory several times a week. I might even go off biscuit eating in these circumstances.

Forbidden things are fun. The school needs to outlaw reading - especially reading out of school.

(My mother never counted us as readers until we were caught reading illegally under the covers at night. All her children read - whenever they can. There are two English teachers in the family now.)

how does this pan out in households without books or without people who can read English

can't

Yes we are positive there are no SEND issues

Are you absolutely sure? If that's the case, why does an 8 year old have the reading level of a 5 year old? It would be unusual for that to be the case just because a child isn't reading at home.

By taking 20 minutes playtime from the child who hasn't been heard read by his parent is most definitely punishing the child. Yes, you may have their best interests at heart & want the child to catch up, but making them miss playtime will not encourage them to have a desire to read. As a teacher I hear every child in my class read individually 3 or 4 times a week. I've had year 1 children read better than their parents-you need to be very careful that don't alienate the parents and children. Hear the children read who's parents don't/can't read to them yourself during lesson time & don't punish them.

there is a ton of research to show " hearing children read" is bollocks

Ive met many many parents who fill every afterschool evening with brownies/ cubs/ dance etc etc and are aghast at the idea of doing anything homeworky with their kids

I dont have low expectations - but i certainly can't listen to 5 children read 5 times per week

I rotate daily who i listen to, and all get stories before bed. I write in the reading diary what we read - school reading book, or a home book, what words we discussed or struggled with etc....

we average twice per week each child for a school book, and that has to be enough. they read the back of cereal packs and magazines etc so we are going in the right direction!

I would never allow my child to lose playtime over my inability to read more often - and in fact have spoken with the Head over this - under no circumstances is it okay for a child to lose the opportunity to blow off steam and run around because they need to sit still some more - it makes absolutely no sense!

I agree that parent should complain that their child is denied playtime - its not going to make their parent read more, why do that?

My children read to themselves every night before bed (because they want to) and either my husband or I will listen to them read as much as we can and if they feel they want to but it certainly won't be every night. We also have loads of homework, spellings, times tables plus clubs and having one than more child it is sometimes hard to fit it all in! I would like to think I am a very proactive parent when it comes to my children's education.

I totally disagree that a child should be punished for not reading at least three times a week at home. You may not have a clue what is happening at home and surely their parents dictate what is happening at home so I think it is unfair to blame the child. I don't like the idea of forcing children to read anyway because you will probably end up doing the opposite of what you hope to achieve because some children will just see it as a chore. I would like to see my son read more often to his teacher, she listened to him read last week for the first time in 2 months. However, I am told listening to children read in class is not good use of a teachers time?

I do not see my children during the week between 8 and 730. So yes, I don't have five minutes to hear them read. I am far from alone. By homework clubs what I mean is this. If there isn't enough time in the day for schools to give children the support they need, the they should stay open late to provide that support eg. A quiet space to read, do homework. This would help pupils and help their full time working parents who simply cannot help them with homework by the time they get home.