What's best in this field trip situation?

[Shadowboy]

I'm currently on maternity leave but return in a month. Last June we gave out letters regarding a field trip for 1 week to a European destination (I do t want to reveal where as I don't want to out the school) 60% of our cohort is attending in the year group. Before I left for maternity I booked hotel/centres for the two locations we will be in. The rooms are split girls on top floor in rooms of either two or four (hotel all in pairs) and boys in 1st floor. 2 members of staff on the top floor and 3 on the 1st floor.
Last Friday I received an email from a parent of a student who was when I last saw him a male. His (or her I really need to know the correct etiquette for this!) mother has asked for her to be roomed on the same floor as the girls as she is now fully engaged in being considered of the female gender. I have contacted the hotel and they have no rooms left. The centre has a spare but it's the other end of the centre in an annex.

I did find another hotel but it's more expensive (fancy place!) and would mean £57 more per student for the trip.

We have a contingency fund but not at a rate of £57 AND enough to cover any other issues. Do I ask two members of staff to share a room (issue is I have booked double beds so they would actually have to share a bed! But this would free up a room on the correct floor)

We have also never let students sleep in rooms alone (a safety issue when abroad but I'm not comfortable asking girls to share with a student who they 8 months ago believed was male)

I'm not even actually back in work officially yet but the trip is in 6 weeks so I need to sort it ASAP. My line manager has no idea what to do as we've never come across this at short notice. What would you do?!!

OP can I suggest you ask for this thread to be deleted - it is exactly the sort of thing certain newspapers would like to print and it could be quite outing.

I can see op is stuck between a rock and a hard place, but this solution seems really unfair on the girls who get moved.

The reason the girls are going across is one of them is the daughter of a member of staff and her chosen friend (who's parents have consented) they are also quite happy to go to this somewhat more expensive hotel!

We have contacted insurance and the trip cannot be cancelled for this reason and as we are an equal opportunity school we have to do our best to allow all students to take part.

This means no other students are negatively affected. Having one biological male on the floor is not against the rust assessment as for the 3 nights in the hotel there could be other people staying who could be male /female on the various floors - we have not booked out the entire hotel. Also for context the students are 17 -19 years old.

What happens next year, when a girl decides to identify is a boy? Four sets of segregation? Four sets of teachers? Or the end of all trips?

OP, this is going to be happening more and more. There will have to be an official solution at some point. As it stands, this child has no legal status as a girl.

You can be as polite and diplomatic as you need, but you can say your hands are tied on this occasion.

If you still feel as though you can accommodate this child in a way that doesn't impact anyone else, you can do it as a favour, but it is not your duty or responsibility.

And also check the guidelines that your school has been given. There might well be an issue in not being allowed to inform the other children, nor the parents before the trip, so you might get a backlash.

Would you like to answer my questions piglet about the safeguarding reasons for sex segregation and how gender identity mitigates the risks?

OP has answered above that risk assessments have been done.

This would be a very quick lesson in trade for the trans kid. Life choices like this come with a price, that means not penalising girls for this child and him not going on the trip.

This situation and your solution OP is exactly why feminists have real issues with the trans ideology. Girls will miss out and be pushed aside. I find this all pretty gross.

You're lucky it's a nicer hotel and that you have two girls that will move to accommodate this child. I still don't understand why the child in question couldn't be the one to be accommodated in the alternate hotel.

Two girls dropping out is not a solution - it simply means that the two girls at the top of the waiting list will miss out to accommodate the trans kid.

. Having one biological male on the floor is not against the rust assessment

So id imagine having one male who identifies as a female on the male floor wouldnt be against the risk assemsment either.

I was saying they have no issue with moving to a different hotel. Some may, shock horror, actually not mind moving to the different hotel.

I think that's very nice and kind of them. But do you see the principle here? It is going to be girls stepping aside, every time.

If next year a girl, or two girls or 10 (as has recently happened) identifies as a boy, would everyone really be cool that they are accommodated in the boys section?

Hope trip goes well op.
You have done your best to find a sensitive solution.
Well done.

You could now have accusations of favouritism levelled against the staff member and her child plus companion staying at a more luxurious hotel, and who would be funding that?

Seems sad for the separated girls

@CaroleService: I was thinking of kids dropping out for unrelated reasons, illness etc. It can happen. Not anyone shoved off the trip.

Virtue signalling: I had to google that phrase. It shows poor understanding of teenagers. ime, they don't do the right thing to impress each other. Instead, they find a cause they believe in and then find the friends that share those values. DD loved her original social circle, but acquired an expanded social circle b/c she wanted to reach out to non-hetero/non binary people.

DS has decided Milo Y is an unsung hero & has sought out like-minded aspiring gits people.

They both are happy to rebuff flack they get for their minority interests (yes their debates are heated). Not expecting to get special credit from anyone as a result. Many teens want causes they can believe wholeheartedly in, that are bigger than selves, that means they are putting something else first besides their mundane own interests.

Here's the lesson:
Adults asking girls to be kind means girls will push themselves to the bottom of the pile to accommodate, adults who allow this do not do this in the girl's best interests. I'd go as far to say as they endorse a behaviour in which girls lose out.
The overwhelming feeling about this whole thing is that girls don't matter. A school trip is at least about sharing accommodation and the late night chats and tom foolery.... you've ruined that for these girls OP.

Presumably if another child said they wanted to come along at this late stage, you'd say no. So why the fuck is the school paying out close on one thousand pounds to accommodate this child who just happens to decide that they identify as the opposite gender six weeks before a school trip?

I'd be fucking furious if this were my child's school.

Basically - say you're trans and everyone rushes around saying 'oh of course! How high would you like us to jump?'

It's ridiculous

So two girls have been kicked out of their room to make way for a trans pupil? And you don't think this has a negative affect on anyone? Really?

Its always women and girls that have to shut up and move up, isn't it.

Two girls, segregated from the rest, so that Tommy McSnowflake can use his proximity to the girls as validation of his girlhood.

Sounds standard TA bollocks to me.

I bet you fifty quid that had a girl transitioned to a boy that the solution would have been a single room on the girls floor too. Nobody would push two boys out for a girl, whether a male presenting as one, or a biological girl presenting as a boy.

lljkk

If your DD is pro trans and your DS is pro Milo Y, I bet they have some real humdingers over the cornflakes!

lljkk - I was talking about the girls at the top of the waiting list (there always is one in my experience) who would expect to take the places of a girl dropping out through illness.

Is it worth pointing out that if you offered my dd the option to stay with her bf in another hotel several miles away from her fellow students, she and bf would be on it like a shot, and not to be accommodating.

I'm guessing most school years will have similarly introvert anti-social pupils who want to go on trips but really don't want to interact with their peers more than humanly necessary. And I also guess by 6th form (which this sounds like) the teachers would know exactly which pupils to approach.

Speaking to the mother would have been my first port of call.

My child has been on school trips and I have made various arrangements and worked closely with the school to make sure that my child's status impacts nobody else.

My child's classmates don't know about them so it's a different situation to this child's, but I would still hope that the parent would be reasonable and help towards a solution.

Hotels are usually able to change most double beds into two singles by separating the base. If two teachers are willing to share on this basis then great, but I wouldn't ask two adults to share a double bed.

I wouldn't have a problem with this girl being housed on the same floor as other girls. I wouldn't have a problem with this girl being roomed in the annex / other hotel (subject to resource). I would have a problem with two girls being relocated to accommodate this change as it changes their experience through no fault of their own.

I bet you fifty quid that had a girl transitioned to a boy that the solution would have been a single room on the girls floor too. Nobody would push two boys out for a girl, whether a male presenting as one, or a biological girl presenting as a boy.

They wouldn't put a biological girl on the boys floor because those nasty boys would sexually assault her.

Why should teachers share a room?

Either the child stays a boy for another six weeks, identifies as a girl but shares with a boy or they don't come.

That would be the best solution. The school does not have to accommodate this at this late stage.