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Original poster

What's best in this field trip situation?

173 replies

Shadowboy · 02/03/2017 22:56

I'm currently on maternity leave but return in a month. Last June we gave out letters regarding a field trip for 1 week to a European destination (I do t want to reveal where as I don't want to out the school) 60% of our cohort is attending in the year group. Before I left for maternity I booked hotel/centres for the two locations we will be in. The rooms are split girls on top floor in rooms of either two or four (hotel all in pairs) and boys in 1st floor. 2 members of staff on the top floor and 3 on the 1st floor.
Last Friday I received an email from a parent of a student who was when I last saw him a male. His (or her I really need to know the correct etiquette for this!) mother has asked for her to be roomed on the same floor as the girls as she is now fully engaged in being considered of the female gender. I have contacted the hotel and they have no rooms left. The centre has a spare but it's the other end of the centre in an annex.

I did find another hotel but it's more expensive (fancy place!) and would mean £57 more per student for the trip.

We have a contingency fund but not at a rate of £57 AND enough to cover any other issues. Do I ask two members of staff to share a room (issue is I have booked double beds so they would actually have to share a bed! But this would free up a room on the correct floor)

We have also never let students sleep in rooms alone (a safety issue when abroad but I'm not comfortable asking girls to share with a student who they 8 months ago believed was male)

I'm not even actually back in work officially yet but the trip is in 6 weeks so I need to sort it ASAP. My line manager has no idea what to do as we've never come across this at short notice. What would you do?!!

OP posts:
Annahibiscuits · 03/03/2017 15:08

Is it possible countless for you consider this from the perspective of the 40 odd girls, on the trip, at all? Or are they totally irrelevant to you?

noblegiraffe · 03/03/2017 15:09

Whether the parents will 'kick off' should not influence any decision

No, but it would influence whether you would even attempt to compromise with the parents of the child. If you already know that they are going to counter with 'I'm going to the Daily Mail, the local rag, Ofsted and the Prime Minister about this' because they've done it already about changing rooms or whatever, then it would save time to not bother. I wonder why SLT are immediately going with the option of an extra teacher, an extra grand and booting two girls out of their room.

ZombieApocalips · 03/03/2017 15:17

I'm gobsmacked at the solution to the problem. If my child was one of the 2 girls moved to another hotel I'd be livid and looking into suing.

The school really should be telling the mother that she has given too little notice and ask that she shares a room with her child at night at her cost or she pulls her son out of the trip.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 03/03/2017 15:19

I'd imagine it's going to make a difference how the girls see this fellow student. If they have any reservations about what one might call the authenticity of the transition you will have problems, OP. On another thread we learned about one class in which more than 10 girls are now using staff facilities because they don't feel safe sharing space with a recently socially transitioned student whom the girls experience as predatory.

TheMythOfFingerprints · 03/03/2017 15:19

I'm one of those pesky feminists and I would raise merry hell if my daughter were moved out of the main accommodation for this.

Will the parents be told why?

Cheby · 03/03/2017 15:22

If be fucking livid if you moved my daughter for this boy. Why are the girls having their lives impacted for him?

And the school are accepting an additional £900 cost? So presumably at the detriment of other children? Yeah. That is not ok.

Cheby · 03/03/2017 15:23

And I wouldn't want a male student on the female floor in the hotel either. Not acceptable in any way.

lljkk · 03/03/2017 15:24

Teen DD would volunteer to go in a different hotel to make that solution happen. We would have no problem with that.

allegretto · 03/03/2017 15:24

What an unfair decision. This child was booked in as a boy a few months ago - did they really have no idea that they would want to be regarded as a girl for the trip? It's too late to change now just as it would be too late for someone else to join now. You should just say no.

stitchglitched · 03/03/2017 15:25

'She identifies as a girl and I feel should be on the same floor as the girls'

Why? The floors are segregated by sex, not gender identity.

Annahibiscuits · 03/03/2017 15:30

Yes, I am sure many girls would volunteer that lljkk, because;

a) they have been socially conditioned to be 'nice', and prioritise everyone ahead of themselves

And

b) children don't really understand the reasons for, and the implications for not having SAFEGUARDING measures do they. It is why we have safeguarding

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 03/03/2017 15:36

Or you missed

C) because they actually have NO issue with it!

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 03/03/2017 15:38

And the school are accepting an additional £900 cost? So presumably at the detriment of other children? Yeah. That is not ok.

You do realise that other costs are paid for for other children for different reasons at other times don't you.

Annahibiscuits · 03/03/2017 15:40

No, I didn't piglet, that is b)

Many girls would have no issue sharing with boys/missing out to please boys. We don't allow it because we are adults, responsible for the safety and well-being of minors

lljkk · 03/03/2017 15:42

DD would volunteer because she's a keen trans activist and would like the role & responsibility of being helpful, especially in this situation. *Not "nice", just principled.

(I don't think she'd see it as extra opportunities for mischief). They keep their social lives going via phone so wouldn't feel apart at all.

I think OP said an extra adult would be recruited & detailed to other hotel for safeguarding... so I'm not sure how safeguarding picture changes in OP's plan.

*Believe me, if DD feels she's being asked something unfair, she is anything but nice about it.

offblackeggshell · 03/03/2017 15:48

What pp said. Room divisions by sex, not gender identity.

lampshady · 03/03/2017 15:49

It's really difficult - the trans student needs to feel secure and included, but so do all the female students. I agree that I'd be quite cross if my child was moved for the equivalent of a "latecomer" (the only thing I can liken it to would be an additional female student being accommodated at a late stage). Obviously that analogy doesn't include the fact the trans student has a penis. In my views I'd probably be labelled a TERF, however like most people who have the same views, I am incredibly sympathetic to the individual involved. They haven't asked for this.

Annahibiscuits · 03/03/2017 15:51

And you as the adult lljjk are responsible for thinking beyond the naive virtue signalling of youth

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 03/03/2017 15:52

I think this solution is far from ideal as it massively singles out this trans-individual.

Also do your safeguarding policies and risk assessments allow for a single member of staff to be alone with two students in that way?

Have you spoken to the parent /child about this solution?

They need to be aware that the child cannot share with a female.

That it would be inappropriate for the child to share with a male.

And what your proposed solution is and how it will impact on the rest of the group and on this individual.

titchy · 03/03/2017 15:52

Massively crap solution Sad

So two girls get left out to make way for one other child. The maths/geography/Sen/PE dept has £900 less to spend on resources.

How about just saying no? Or suggesting the mum buys herself a ticket and her and her child stay at the other hotel.

NapQueen · 03/03/2017 15:52

The thing is, the kid being given a room on the boy floor isnt "excluding him/her" they are going on the trip. They are staying in the hotel. They are staying on a floor with other school kids. They are doing the same activities.

Why would sleeping on a different floor make them feel "more included"??

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 03/03/2017 15:54

Annahibiscuits You really can't see any ones views but your own.

I was saying they have no issue with moving to a different hotel. Some may, shock horror, actually not mind moving to the different hotel.

lljkk · 03/03/2017 15:56

Sometimes I wish I was DD. She'd have perfect retorts to all this.
All OP needs is 2 girls to drop out & an even simpler solution will present itself. Best Wishes. x

KungFuEric · 03/03/2017 15:57

I would feel really uncomfortable with the conclusion you've collectively reached.

Who are the two girls who will be segregated? How will they be chosen? Names out of a hat? Or the most passive and least likely to cause a fuss? What will they be told? When will they be told?

Annahibiscuits · 03/03/2017 15:59

Would you like to answer my questions piglet about the safeguarding reasons for sex segregation and how gender identity mitigates the risks?

Perfectly prepared to consider other POV, if they are reasoned

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