Feeling down about parental complaint.

[Rubylee87]

Would appreciate some advice as I'm feeling a bit down at the moment.

I've been teaching for 4 years. I recently started at a new school teaching lower Key Stage 2. New class are very low ability, there are some lovely children but also a few boys with challenging behaviour.

One in particular is very disruptive. He constantly shouts out, makes unkind remarks to other children, he's so loud he distracts every child on his table, constantly saying silly things, shouting "excuse me" when I'm trying to help other children. He's extremely rude to adults (answering back, eye rolling etc.) He pushed another child over at break time and showed me unnecessary attitude before trying to walk off in a mood when I attempted to speak to him about it. He has no SEN but has been tested for ADHD in the past.

On the first day, when I was talking to the class about the school rules, he was shouting out silly things in a high pitched voice. During independent working time, I gave him lots of warnings and eventually asked him to move to a table on his own to complete his work as he was disturbing the other children. He chose to face the back wall as he said he worked better that way.

The next day, the headteacher came to speak to me. His parents had put in a complaint because I moved him, saying I was not being inclusive and their son was worried he would have to sit there forever. This is untrue, as I was very positive about moving him, making it more about him being able to concentrate and made it clear it was just for that session.

I had a meeting with his dad after school in which I explained what happened and it became clear his son had gone home and exaggerated. I told him about his son being rude and he said 'he's the same at home' and 'he's always been in trouble at school'. He said all of this while hugging his son. I feel that instead of this, perhaps he should have been having a serious conversation with him about his behaviour at school.

I was respected at my last school and often received lovely comments about how caring and positive I am with children. I can't believe I've had a complaint made about me on the first day, when I was only trying my best to teach without this boy affecting the learning of the other children. I fear this will get worse too, as they will probably complain every time I do something their son doesn't like. I don't like that I've been made out to be a teacher who excludes children, which is what this parent was accusing me of.

I didn't realise how damaged ds' attachment was until we home-schooled for a year and he suddenly regressed to how a toddler would act, wanting cuddles, for me to kiss his mine-craft pig at bedtime etc.

Due to his developmental delay caused by his ASD, he never reached that stage before starting school, and there it was all about severing maternal ties (which weren't yet established).

I do blame the school system for any damage to his attachment. I hope it has improved over this last year. Thankfully it seems to have done.

Let me get this right,
ADHD = caused by attachment disorder
non-neurotrophic behaviour = caused by attachment disorder
Asd/autism = caused by attachment disorder

And attachment disorder is caused by ?

Is it really 7 + HE, Star? I thought my 3 + HE was impressive!

I think it's quite a dangerous thing to say 'he has no SN...but was assessed for ADHD at some point' about a child you've known for probably two weeks or less.

A child with ADHD and an indulgent parent is going to be far, far more complex to diagnose than a child with ADHD and firm parents.

do you have a link to research that proves that neuro disability is caused by attachment disorder?

Because none of the research I've read says it is.

In some other countries children with ASD are more likely to be diagnosed with attachment disorder, and the blame usually placed on their mothers.
I had hoped that in the UK things had moved on from a need to blame parents for their child's SN.

leChein don't ya know parents of dcs with SNs are refrigerator mothers or over indulgent or both

Look, I do get that having a piece of paper isn't necessarily a key to successful provision and that with the right support a child may not need that paper:

DD2 is in her 4 th 'setting' (infant school, primary school 1, HE, primary school 2). She's in year 4. She's never transitioned successfully from one year group to the next, hence the changing settings.

Now you ask me, it's because she has ASD. You ask a 'professional' and she doesn't interest them enough to scratch below the superficial answers that she can string together to fly under their radar. They can see there's something unusual but are happy to move her on.

You ask the teachers in her new school (this will be her second year there) and they've worked out that:

-she's incredibly literal.
-instructions have to be explicit.
-she doesn't do abstract.
-they need to let me know when they've made a joke that she may have taken seriously.
-she worries.
-she needs to know exactly 'where she is' with the teacher.
-we sometimes have to go to the office and have a situation investigated to work out what stick she's got the wrong end of (e.g. the dreaded pen licence that she was sure she'd earned because she was told to work hard with her writing if she wanted one, then she did....so where is it?).

If they carry on the way they are, she may have struck gold. Secondary is going to be a worry because she's chipping because this school only has 100 children. But one bridge at a time.

Attachment Disorder causes ADHD? That's a new one on me. They are often co-morbid but one is surely not the cause of the other.

Yes zzzzz, very awkward that we have 1 child prone to violent outbursts and tremendous amounts of swearing yet 3 children who have never behaved like that.
But it seems very plausible to professionals involved that our parenting is very much in question.
I was told on several occasions that ds would be much easier if we only had him - which was helpful :o

:o at over indulgent fridge.

ADHD is actually genetic in origin, if you look in Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 4th Edition (American Psychiatric Association).

I think your quite right crusoe attachment disorder can present similar symptoms as ADHD and ASDs, but isn't ADHD, and it treated differently (different interventions and strategies) to ADHD.
But ADHD isn't caused by attachment disorder. Because like you say, they can be co-morbid. And one can be present without the other.

zzzzz have you been enabling the fridge again?

It seems extremely interesting to me that when you go through ADI and ADOS they ask lots of specific questions about how a child reacted to its parents and other care givers from birth. Asking if they gave eye contact, followed your point and gaze etc. so if they responded to you and then whether they pointed and initiated communication etc.

So that's not neuro disability caused by lack of attachment - that's lack of attachment caused by neurodisability.

Arf @ refrigerator contents

Rubylee (If you are still there) You said this boy doesn't have SEN. What is his attainment actually like? Have you had a chat with him one to one about his behaviour? So many questions. The SENCo and Key Stage leader need to be involved in the first instance.

ASD and ADHD are not caused by attachment disorder - what nonsense.

A timely FB share - ASD/attachment disorder
Starts on page 6.

Itold him about his son being rude and he said 'he's the same at home' and 'he's always been in trouble at school'. He said all of this while hugging his son.
I am not a teacher, but I feel to discuss the 'why and wherefore' in front of the child is not appropriate. By all means bring the child in at a later stage so they realise that their parents and teacher are working together ( hopefully). For the child to witness any discord between their parents and teacher only gives fuel to their fire.