Feeling down about parental complaint.

[Rubylee87]

Would appreciate some advice as I'm feeling a bit down at the moment.

I've been teaching for 4 years. I recently started at a new school teaching lower Key Stage 2. New class are very low ability, there are some lovely children but also a few boys with challenging behaviour.

One in particular is very disruptive. He constantly shouts out, makes unkind remarks to other children, he's so loud he distracts every child on his table, constantly saying silly things, shouting "excuse me" when I'm trying to help other children. He's extremely rude to adults (answering back, eye rolling etc.) He pushed another child over at break time and showed me unnecessary attitude before trying to walk off in a mood when I attempted to speak to him about it. He has no SEN but has been tested for ADHD in the past.

On the first day, when I was talking to the class about the school rules, he was shouting out silly things in a high pitched voice. During independent working time, I gave him lots of warnings and eventually asked him to move to a table on his own to complete his work as he was disturbing the other children. He chose to face the back wall as he said he worked better that way.

The next day, the headteacher came to speak to me. His parents had put in a complaint because I moved him, saying I was not being inclusive and their son was worried he would have to sit there forever. This is untrue, as I was very positive about moving him, making it more about him being able to concentrate and made it clear it was just for that session.

I had a meeting with his dad after school in which I explained what happened and it became clear his son had gone home and exaggerated. I told him about his son being rude and he said 'he's the same at home' and 'he's always been in trouble at school'. He said all of this while hugging his son. I feel that instead of this, perhaps he should have been having a serious conversation with him about his behaviour at school.

I was respected at my last school and often received lovely comments about how caring and positive I am with children. I can't believe I've had a complaint made about me on the first day, when I was only trying my best to teach without this boy affecting the learning of the other children. I fear this will get worse too, as they will probably complain every time I do something their son doesn't like. I don't like that I've been made out to be a teacher who excludes children, which is what this parent was accusing me of.

Starlight... pleased to hear that.
Early intervention is key imo

'As usual zzzz you are not reading what people actually post and are reacting to perceived slights.'

You missed a z.

You are very fortunate if you have never had to deal with a shit parent zzzzz and the fall out from the way their children behave.
I see it daily, sadly.

Early intervention IS key, but he is 8 and going into his 7th educational placement.

Better? :)

All placements I have ceased by the way, due to shit teaching (except for the last which was wonderful but unsustainable).

I gave up in year 2 and home schooled my ds1 for a year.
It can take time and a lot of effort to get the right placement.

I hope it is better. It promises to be. The first placement to tell me they want him and open communication channels to ensure success, rather than take him reluctantly and ignore me.

I HEed too. 7 placements and a period of HE = shit parent, to many many educational professionals.

Your posts on that poor woman's thread about her adult asd son were totally out of order.
She is not coming back.
Happy?
Starlight...sounds positive! :)

Ah...star....I think we know one another of old ;)

Oooooh, it's youoooooooo!

I'm a Queen now.

So I see!

ADHD like most (all?) neurological conditions does NOT manifest more often in families with parents of any particular personality type or parenting style

what crap.

A child with ADHD can be born into a normal, stable, loving family, yes... BUT The biggest known cause of any such neurological disability is attachment disorder, caused by family circumstances, or outright neglect.

Angelica is making a simple statement of truth.

I just don't get the attitude of some poster on here to shout down, bully, sneer at, insult or try and drive away people making statements that don't happen to fit in with their own peculiar, precious political ideology.

Shame on any of you who defend their chosen favoured ideology at the expense of truth, progress, understanding, and actual genuine support and help for such disadvantaged children.

And the high profile studies with the headlines news ADHD is genetic, are often so deeply statistically flawed, that the actual results show the exact opposite of what the journalists concerned chose to interpret them as.

To such an extent that they are held up as classical examples of bad science to level 3 classes, every year.

"A child with ADHD can be born into a normal, stable, loving family, yes... BUT The biggest known cause of any such neurological disability is attachment disorder, caused by family circumstances, or outright neglect."

You sound like a CAMHS therapist Charis, or an "expert" in my neck of the woods.

Round here it is par for the course for parents to be presented with attachment disorder instead of ASD and fobbed off with parenting classes. It's honestly the biggest pile of demoralising shit, and leaves many, many children misdiagnosed and leaves them and their families unsupported.

'A child with ADHD can be born into a normal, stable, loving family, yes... BUT The biggest known cause of any such neurological disability is attachment disorder, caused by family circumstances, or outright neglect.'

I thought the biggest known cause of neurological disability was 'school disorder' as a result of ignorant teachers.

that shouldn't happen, lechien, because the child needs the appropriate treatment. If parenting isn't a factor, then parenting needn't be addressed in the treatment, however, because parenting so often IS a factor, it does genuinely have to be assessed.

Attachment disorder is a neurological disability, it is real, it needs diagnosis, it needs treatment, it is devastating for the children affected, AND it often causes ADHD.

It is wicked to try and force these issues under the carpet because people don't like them. Tough! lots of things in life are not nice, but have to be faced before they can be helped.

No Starlight, you're forgetting this:

If poor behaviour is seen at home, it's the parent's fault.
If poor behaviour is seen at school, it's the parent's fault.

The child in the op sounds very similar to my ds, down to the rudeness, obnoxious behaviour and eye rolling. He has ASD not attachment disorder which sometimes manifests as ADHD-like behaviour, but, you know, dh and I are shit parents so what did we expect

Round my way, many children with ASD and ADHD don't get the help they need because the condition goes undiagnosed in favour of attachment disorder, especially if they have been adopted.

Often children need adoption because their parents are not coping due to their own disability which unsurprisingly the child has inherited, or simply because they were young or disadvantaged and that was blamed for why they weren't coping rather than the fact that they had a child with a disability.

Diagnosing attachment disorder is a cheap and lazy way of fobbing off parents in favour of blaming them and saving the dosh required for decent early intervention.

Well DS has ASD, possible ADHD and yet somehow every proffessional we have encountered so far has commented on how strong his attachments are to his close family.

I would love to see the peer reviewed evidence for that crap those claims.