Feeling down about parental complaint.

[Rubylee87]

Would appreciate some advice as I'm feeling a bit down at the moment.

I've been teaching for 4 years. I recently started at a new school teaching lower Key Stage 2. New class are very low ability, there are some lovely children but also a few boys with challenging behaviour.

One in particular is very disruptive. He constantly shouts out, makes unkind remarks to other children, he's so loud he distracts every child on his table, constantly saying silly things, shouting "excuse me" when I'm trying to help other children. He's extremely rude to adults (answering back, eye rolling etc.) He pushed another child over at break time and showed me unnecessary attitude before trying to walk off in a mood when I attempted to speak to him about it. He has no SEN but has been tested for ADHD in the past.

On the first day, when I was talking to the class about the school rules, he was shouting out silly things in a high pitched voice. During independent working time, I gave him lots of warnings and eventually asked him to move to a table on his own to complete his work as he was disturbing the other children. He chose to face the back wall as he said he worked better that way.

The next day, the headteacher came to speak to me. His parents had put in a complaint because I moved him, saying I was not being inclusive and their son was worried he would have to sit there forever. This is untrue, as I was very positive about moving him, making it more about him being able to concentrate and made it clear it was just for that session.

I had a meeting with his dad after school in which I explained what happened and it became clear his son had gone home and exaggerated. I told him about his son being rude and he said 'he's the same at home' and 'he's always been in trouble at school'. He said all of this while hugging his son. I feel that instead of this, perhaps he should have been having a serious conversation with him about his behaviour at school.

I was respected at my last school and often received lovely comments about how caring and positive I am with children. I can't believe I've had a complaint made about me on the first day, when I was only trying my best to teach without this boy affecting the learning of the other children. I fear this will get worse too, as they will probably complain every time I do something their son doesn't like. I don't like that I've been made out to be a teacher who excludes children, which is what this parent was accusing me of.

No, not all. But a significant number do. Sadly I do know that of which I speak. It is amazing how many parents come into the clinic with an "ADHD" child and then display similar attitudes, if not worse, than the OP observed. I am merely empathising with her situation. Which is not representative of all situations. But, it does happen and we are not doing the children any favours by pretending it doesn't. This thread isn't about anyone else's situation but the OP's.

And the kind of parents who post on here about their children who have ADHD on here are by and large not the kinds of parents I'm referring to, or the kind described in the OP, so you can relax!

That's good of you Angelica

OP next time print off a copy of the behaviour policy and go through that with the parent. Insist that SLT/SENCO are in the meeting next time.

The child must have been referred to a professional qualified to assess for SN at some point (GP's can't assess - children are referred on to the appropriate professional). The parent should be able to ask for the child to be referred back, perhaps the parents might consider this if the move to KS2 continues to prove very difficult.

Assessment for SN/SEN can be an ongoing process and this child may well get a diagnosis further along the line.

Thank you for your advice.

The child is not new to the school, in fact the HT said he has been like that since he started in Reception. I may suggest a home-contact book just to report attitude/behaviour in class, although I'm worried that the SLT will turn it around on me to make me look as if I'm not handling it. I'm quite wary of that.

I have started a Word document so that I can record everything that happens with the boy, his parents and with SLT. I had a short handover meeting with the previous teacher and she did not mention anything about his behaviour, apart from that he used to run out of class when he was upset at the beginning of the year.

I think the previous teacher had a different manner to me and her expectations of behaviour were different. I have seen this with the other children who think they can move seats when they want and walk around the classroom during teaching time as they did it last year. I'm hoping it will all settle within the first term. In my previous school, all adults were firm with behaviour and it was rare that parents would complain. This school is much more 'child centred' which is good in some ways, but not in others if it means the SLT support the child's opinion over an adult's.

zzzzzzz Angelica is expressing a plain and simple truth - what is your objection to that?

Well this study of 19,000 ADHD children is quite interesting.

www.exeter.ac.uk/news/research/title_336183_en.html

I would have to say my experience does tally with that research.
Some parents are just inadequate and it shows in their children's behaviours.
I also know parents of kids with adhd who are very involved, proactive and supportive.

Op...I think you are doing all he right things and as a parent I would have no issue with what you did.

I didn't say it was about parenting. I said it was interesting.

I read the OP as this lad was assessed for ADHD but not that he was given a dx because the OP says he has no SN?

adhd is a neurological/ neuro developmental disability. There is still no sound research which shows a genetic link but there is certainly plenty of anecdotal evidence neurodisability runs in families. Sometimes where parents aren't affected to a degree they were diagnosed (many are in later life after their children) and sometimes because not enough was known when these parents were children and they were labelled as naughty or belligerent.

Whatever the reasons behind this lads behaviour sitting him aside to be able to concentrate and not disturb others is a recognised and often, Ime, effective technique.
But whether the reasons behind the behaviour are ADHD, some other yet recognised and diagnosed neurological developmental disability or something else - he is a child. A young boy. He needs the slt team and his parents backing up the teacher who wants to help him learn effective skills that will help him in the future.

Dr Ginny Russell, of the University of Exeter Medical School, who led the study, said: “There is a genetic element to ADHD, but this study provides strong evidence that ADHD is also associated with a disadvantaged social and economic background.

My point is if there is a genetic link how come there appears to be no research into or mention of the social economic status being a result of the parents possibly having un diagnosed ADHD?

'It's funny how the kids "with ADHD" always have parents like that... I've seen it so many times wink'

Good grief!

Because no child with sn has inadequate parents have they?
Sigh.

Their inadequacy is no greater than any child without SEN.

I might hypothesis and suggest that it is less so, due to the inability to get away with lazy parenting in quite the same way as you can with a child who 'just develops conformity' due to developing typical and who is without medical appointments and out of school hours therapy, but it is just a hypothesis.

Can I sigh now?

Op...if the child has been like this since reception then I don think the school have been very proactive either.
I'm not surprised you feel worried.

I know great parents of kids with sn.
I also know shit parents of kids with sn.
Now...I realise that anecdotes do not = data but that is my experience.

Of course there are shit parents of children with SEN. But they are NO MORE shit than the population of parents, and in many cases a hell of a lot better because of the learning and necessity to be so.

OP, from what you describe, the child has SEN. It could be temporary, but he stands out to you, as requiring additional provision of some kind, to what is being provided for the other children. That IS SEN.

You don't know what is causing the behaviours. If the parents are difficult it could just as likely be because of years of having their child's needs unmet by what frankly appears to be an unsupportive and ignorant school. The needs could be fairly minor but have blown up and developed due to being handled inappropriately.

Your best bet is the parents. Ask them what THEY would recommend. Ask them what support THEY need to enable their child to benefit from his education. Ask them what they would do in your shoes. You can't promise anything, and it would be unwise to, but hearing them genuinely, can go a long way.

No doubt you are worried about the 'time' this might take. Don't. Worry about the time this child will consume if you don't take some action now.

My ds has almost certainly got ADHD. He's not been assessed. He might be one day. The key thing really is that he has provision to meet his needs, not what he has 'got'.

Thankfully, it is looking increasingly likely that this will happen for him, after YEARS of failures.

That was an unreasonable thing to say.
Did I defend it!?
As usual zzzz you are not reading what people actually post and are reacting to perceived slights.