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The staffroom

Whether you're a permanent teacher, supply teacher or student teacher, you'll find others in the same situation on our Staffroom forum.

Original poster

Any other teachers feel they are letting their own kids down?

45 replies

mamaduckbone · 05/02/2015 22:30

Just that, really.
I've been teaching for longer than I've had Dcs and always thought I would have it sussed when it came to my own. Now parents evening comes round again and I'm dreading it.

Ds1 is very bright but bone idle and super careless, very social but can be a PITA in class, Ds2 is painfully shy and reluctant to do anything outside his comfort zone, whether that be a harder reading book or collecting a certificate in assembly.

In their own ways I think they are both immensely frustrating for their teachers and I can't help thinking that I spend more time worrying about other people's children's education than my own. I know I should be encouraging DS2 to have friends round and join clubs and that I should be harder on ds1 with homework, but after a week at work I just want to potter around with them playing Lego, watching TV and doing fun stuff.

OP posts:
Original poster
mamaduckbone · 05/02/2015 22:42

My dh is a SAHD and does a great job in many ways but unsurprisingly doesn't mix much at the school gates which I'm sure has had an impact on DS2 socially too.

OP posts:
IHeartKingThistle · 05/02/2015 23:04

It's why I gave up teaching.

Original poster
mamaduckbone · 05/02/2015 23:08

Not an option for me right now, but if I could I would.

OP posts:
IHeartKingThistle · 06/02/2015 00:48

Sorry, I didn't mean to sound smug! I just couldn't be a good teacher and a good mum at the same time. I was letting everyone down, all the time.
I haven't met many teachers who could do both, hand on heart.

You just do what you need to do to get you through. Are you primary or secondary?

30somethingm · 06/02/2015 01:20

OP is it parents' evening, parent's evening, or parents evening? I think parents' evening. Sorry, just read the entire grammar thread!

Asleeponasunbeam · 06/02/2015 06:51

Yes, me too. I came back to part time teaching because being a SAHM to babies was too hard for my (PND I think). Now they're 5 and 2 and I feel like I spend all my waking hours worrying about other people's kids.

I'm going to work out my temp contract and finish this summer.

Springcleanish · 06/02/2015 07:00

Constantly feel like I'm letting either my own kids or the kids I teach down. My son has been asking me to help with a particular piece of work for a week, but with the pressure on year 11 (and me) I've not got back home in time to help him at all, the shortest day I've managed was eleven hours.
No advice I'm afraid, but plenty of empathy. Like you part time is not an option for me.

Original poster
mamaduckbone · 06/02/2015 07:11

I'm primary, so teach the same age group as my Dcs. It's hard as I know the level of parental support I think is appropriate for the children I teach, but I don't feel like I'm providing it for my own. And I see all the assemblies, sports days and performances at my own school, but not theirs.

OP posts:
Original poster
mamaduckbone · 06/02/2015 07:12

It's Parents' Evening, 30something. The evening for many parents.

OP posts:
30somethingm · 06/02/2015 08:05

You're right mamaduckbone, and I agree with the use of capital letters, as it is the title of an event!

Ridingthestorm · 06/02/2015 21:40

Yup!
Have a DS aged 3, pregnant with DD (due in 5 weeks), got one week to go at work (full time), been on stress leave from weeks 16 - 30 of pregnancy (personal and professional shite) and realised that I too was spending more time improving the lives of other people's kids, whilst mine spent 10 hours a day, 5 days a week with a CM. The time came when I said enough is enough. My children have GOT to take priority.
But I wasn't prepared to give up 17 years of training and hard work either so I have decided to go part time on my return from maternity leave, on the hope that my head (who knows my intention) accepts it.
I need to slow down my career and care for my children at such a crucial age and stage of their lives. But also the workload is just stupid and teachers get such a bashing from society, the government and OFSTED that my desire to teach is waining.

Ridingthestorm · 06/02/2015 21:45

And yes, also disappointed that if I was working full time, I would miss out on the school performances my children would be involved in, that my own head teacher expects OUR parents to turn up to.
My DS has his first parents' evening next week on the same day as our parents' evening (although being off work for so long, I have no class to report on) and hoping the head will release me. Been trying to talk to her about it and had a quick opportunity at home time but by the time I went back into class, she was gone!

MuttonCadet · 06/02/2015 21:52

Weeks off work with stress and more than 2 weeks off on holiday?
Do not try to join the private sector, we simply can't afford it.

wannabestressfree · 06/02/2015 21:52

I had a phone call whilst I was teaching tue as my son has been sick after I had bundled him off to school- he is 10. They wouldn't release me until lunch and then said I had to bring him back to sit in my department office!!!! I managed to beg/ plead my xh to collect him and have juggled sick children, full timetable etc all week. I am dead on my feet.
The balancing act is so difficult. I limp to the holidays and then am ill generally as so rundown.
Hard job as a parent.

phoenixrose314 · 06/02/2015 21:52

Could've written something very similar.

My DS is nearing 2 and I see him growing up and getting older before my very eyes... but because I work all day Monday to Friday (and as we all know, a bit on weekends too!), I feel like it's more pronounced, like every time I hold him he's a little bit less my baby and more something else, some new entity that his nursery will come to know better than I ever will.

But do I love my job? Yes. I love teaching, I love the children, I love feeling that sense of accomplishment and dedication to the cause. It makes me feel meaningful and has always given me a sense of belonging and purpose. It's just that, as other posters have said, the demands of raising criteria from Ofsted and abuse almost daily in the media do contribute to an overall feeling of unhappiness and injustice.

I worry that my DS will grow up feeling that I put my career first... that he will feel pushed aside, neglected, second best always to all the "other kids" in my life. I wish I could afford to jack it all in and just be a mum. Put my all into it. See what I'm really made of.

Sadly just not an option for us.

wannabestressfree · 06/02/2015 21:53

That's uncalled for mutton.

Ridingthestorm · 06/02/2015 21:59

Ditto wannabestressfree I am gobsmacked that people read and comment on these threads to belittle, to judge and to be down-right nasty.

If that is the attitutude of the 'private sector' I would rather not be in it!

Oddly, I have a friend/colleague who had had enough of the state sector and went to work in the private only 14 months ago. They have it easy - apparently!

MuttonCadet · 06/02/2015 22:02

No it's not, I am a school governor who takes a good amount of holiday time for work to ensure that the school is being run correctly.

I have to take time of work because no teacher is willing to remain in school after 4pm, or have meetings in school holidays.

So far this school year I have taken 7 days off work to cover recruitment, meetings, and diciplinaries, so don't tell me I'm not doing my bit - that's 25% of my total holiday.

MuttonCadet · 06/02/2015 22:03

And I don't get paid anything for it.

MrsMinton · 06/02/2015 22:08

You are entitled to unpaid leave for governor work Mutton. Then you would be doing what teachers do: giving unpaid time to benefit their pupils.

MuttonCadet · 06/02/2015 22:10

But the teachers aren't, they request all meetings in school time (unless I'm misunderstanding how teachers hours work - which is possible).

MuttonCadet · 06/02/2015 22:15

I don't get unpaid leave, I own the company, so any time I spend in school I make up in the evening.

I do it because I really care that we are building a strong workforce for the future. I know that the kids deserve my time and effort.

MuttonCadet · 06/02/2015 22:23

But don't let that spoil your pity party mrs Minton, I'm just waiting for an excuse to leave, I care about the kids but the attitude is difficult to deal with.

wannabestressfree · 06/02/2015 22:23

We aren't allowed meetings in teaching time and I know no one who leaves school before 5 and its 7 when parents evening is on. This is starting at 8 too and I have 25 mins lunch and 15 of that is on duty.
You sound like the opposite of what we should be looking for in a governor!

wannabestressfree · 06/02/2015 22:27

And why read and comment on threads under 'the staff room' heading unless you are one of those governors who are 'in it' as they are frustrated adults who wish they had the intelligence, patience and understanding to teach.
There, there won't be long and you can jack it in....