Do parents thank you after residentials?

[DoctorLawn]

I've been thinking about this, since returning from a residential last Friday.

Three parents thanked me.

I'm not expecting all out gratitude, but I was quite taken aback by our return in general. They all stood in the path to the main school entrance, two parents and a childminder helped us get the luggage off the coach while the rest watched, and nobody moved aside without being asked.

It's a very upper middle class school - wondering if that means the parents are much more 'entitled' feeling than others?

Hak

"But yes, if I was apprehensive about doing something new, I would want people to encourage me to do it, rather than instantly say "Don't do it then, that's fine"

Well, we differ here. I like to feel I can make a choice without additional persuasion. If it is a good choice it speaks for itself IMO. I tend to have quietly thought about prospective choices for a while and then probably appear to make decisions very quickly, from an outsider's perspective. If there is no time to think, I just tend to act, almost on automatic, as most people do.

Too much persuasion, tends to make me feel very pressured, as if there is a reason something has to be 'sold' to me. But then I grew up with some very strongly persuasive people. I just learnt to be quiet about prospective decisions, so they don't have the opportunity to persuade!

My DC and I say thank you all the time. We don't tend to forget. When we do it tends to be genuine, though. However I was just pointing out the reasons I may struggle in the situation the OP outlined.

Although I sometimes do like listening to this song:

Goodness, I've never thought to do this: I send my children back into the fray to thank the staff and we send in a little card the next week but it is from the children, not me.

I am a parent. I thank teachers a lot. I imagine a lot of what they do is part of their job but there is scope for doing it badly or the bare minimum so I appreciate it when a teacher does something positive for my child. The only time we went as far as a card was when 2 teachers took the year to sleep on the golden hind. A fantastic trip and the teachers (1 in her 40s, the other 50s) had to sleep below deck with all the kids, sitting up as there wasn't enough room for them to lie down. Ds wrote a letter to each to thank them.

I also thank bus drivers when I get off the bus as do my dc

I don't find any pressure to go on trips earlier and earlier in primary schools - DDs will go on a week's residential in Y6 which is exactly what I did 30 years earlier. And that's it for the entire 7 years of primary school.

Yes, residentials are part of a teacher's job but it is still something that is a tough part of a job and not all teachers have to do it- and it doesn't take much imagination to be able to empathise with how exhausting it must be to have responsibility for someone else's kids for long periods of time. A simple 'thank you' and a smile on collecting your child would be nice instead of sullen silence.

Hell, I even used to say thank you every day on collecting DDs from the pre-school or childminder even though they were only "doing their job."

Capsium perhaps you should start a thread on school residentials in Education, or better still, write to the school to air your personal grievances, which really have little relevance here - how likely is it that 29 sets of parents felt pressurised into letting their kids go on a trip and that so many children did not enjoy it?

Chances are that it isn't the first time the trip has been run and if that many kids hated it they wouldn't have bothered to go again.

pear No need, (start a new thread / write to the school) I have said my piece. I speak to the school, as I have a need to, and will continue to do so, as well. I have also been at the crux, concerning changes with the way things are run at my DC's school, in the past.

My comments on this thread, were by way of explanation as to why parents might not be immediately gushing with thanks, as the children were getting off the coach.

I don't think I am the the only parent to feel this way either. Bonsoir and Dragonette were just two posters who seemed to understand exactly where I was coming from, with the views I have expressed. I think it is important alternative perspectives are given, as it increases the opportunity for compassion and understanding regarding other people's actions.

Pear and I have looked after children on a residential myself (as I said earlier on in the thread). I know what a responsibility the teachers are taking on.

I just think life would be much more enjoyable if there was not so much pressure to conform with the herd. Allowing for difference and diversity makes life less stressful and much more interesting IMO.

That might apply to "some" but not "all" - not being entirely unhappy with the trip, that is. In which case I would still say thank you, but take things up with the person in charge, not muggins who is required to go on the trip whatever and still requires a simple thank you for their efforts.

Not conforming with the herd is to be applauded - if there is a valid reason for not doing so and it's not just a case of being a selfish idiot. Certainly you can't argue that conformity is a good thing, or non-conformity is a good thing across the board - it depends entirely on the circumstances.

I'd actually like to see less me me me individualism in society and more collectivism and thinking about the greater good. People 'conforming' - agreeing on ways of doing things and getting along together makes for a better society - as does people standing out and challenging things when it is wrong.

Things that are always good ideas though are good manners and kindness.

Using dissatisfaction in the trip as a reason for not saying thank you, as a sort of passive-aggressive "protest" is just.fucking.rude.

pear Collectivism is not always about doing what is best for the greater good though. Protecting minorities is important too.

Using dissatisfaction in the trip as a reason for not saying thank you, as a sort of passive-aggressive "protest" is just.fucking.rude.

Not necessarily passive aggressive either, unless done with forethought. All I am saying, is that I sympathise with parents not immediately gushing with thanks, because they had genuine concerns about the trip but had their arm metaphorically twisted and their overriding emotional state was concerned with ensuring their child was OK, as a first priority. If all turned out well, thanks may have been forthcoming later.

(N.B. swearing is not often considered polite either.)

And actually if a lot of parents are dissatisfied, in some way, with the way residential trips are organised, lack of thanks would be a reasonable raw indicator of their dissatisfaction. Not all schools are very welcoming of parents' comments, especially if they are critical (no matter how constructive).

As a lot of previous posters have indicated, thanks is something they would give, automatically, in the usual course of events.

So just dismissing all the parents as rude would be naive IMO...

Why on earth would you send your child on a trip you had 'genuine concerns" about?

Hak You might have been persuaded, against your better judgment, succumbed to peer pressure, your child might have succumbed to peer pressure, deferred to the teacher's experience and professional status, worried that your child would feel ostracized / be subject to stigma if they were the only one not going....many reasons. People make mistakes all the time.

Surely a better course of action would be to take steps to increase one's own assertiveness, than to make such an unnecessary fuss about the school being keen to include as many of their children as possible in a trip they will know to be of great benefit to the vast majority.

Well, then you should be more assertive. I would certainly not send my child on a trip I had "genuine concerns" about.

And if I had "genuine concerns" I would have taken it up with the Head, because I wouldn't want any child to go on it not just mine.

clam I think the best course of action is to do both. Not everyone is assertive as a parent dealing with a school, it would be a shame for their children to suffer.

So the responsibility lies both with parents, to communicate what they believe is in the best interests for their child and the school to be sensitive to those who lie outside what they believe is the majority.

Simple for the school to do, I posted the how upthread. In a more understanding and sensitive climate, it is also easier for the less assertive of the parents to communicate their concerns.

TBH when dd came back from her residential my first thought wasn't to thank the teacher but to collect dd whom I had REALLY missed having never been away from her so long before.

Also her useless teacher was too busy moaning about how exhausted she was and how ill she was feeling to inspire much thanks. If she hadn't been I might have made more of an effort but tbh 99% of my attention was on my child and not her accompanying adult.

Btw I am a teacher, I know residential requires a lot of organisation and a spell away from home but it also is a week off marking/planning/assessment but also most teachers I know have enjoyed going on them so not the end of the world. As a teacher I like to be thanked for doing a good job but don't expect to be thanked for just doing my job.

Hak who says I wouldn't? I am just sympathetic to those who don't.

How can you be sympathetic to someone who has "genuine concerns" about a school trip but still lets their child go on it? That's just negligent.

Hak Because people can feel conflicted and make mistakes. This is human. I am sympathetic because I make mistakes sometimes too. And I bet if they had made a mistake the guilt they would feel would be awful. Not surprising if they did not feel thankful to the person who persuaded them to make the mistake against their better judgment.

I just cannot imagine the circumstances you are postulating. And as you are insisting on not clarifying then the conversation is pointless. I repeat. I would have no sympathy for someone who sent their child on a residential trip they had "genuine concerns" about. It would be negligent. Yes, people make mistakes. But not that kind of mistake.

It's why I believe there shouldn't be too much pressure put on parents or children regarding residential trips. Putting the pressure on a person, can make it more difficult to achieve clarity in the decision making process.

Only time I did a residential I counted them all of the coach then ran over one of the mothers.
Teachers get paid. Why do they expect weeping gratitude. And when did 'residentials' creep into fashion?