has anyone experienced a perfectly FINE kid becoming a 'thing' at school?

[Lordnoobson]

normally (IME) as a result of the parents?
Does anyone find that sometimes involvement of agencies makes things worse and if they just chivvied the kid along and ignored them and their parents a bit and told the parent to stop making up ridiculous syndromes the kid would actually be FINE?

Oh and the "curse of the private diagnosis".

We got a private dignosis as:

1. The OT, SALT, Ed Pshyc assessments consisted of a 10 minute appointment and then being given a bunch of leaflets. Yeah, right you've really going to get to grips with something like ASD in that time.

1. To get a proper mdeical opinion/assessment we were told we had to wait 6 months. The GP wouldn't support us because he didn't think there was an issue. Suggested we just arranged some playdates with his friends! (which he didn't have because ...oh, yeah he has ASD).

I'm a first time poster, moved to post because its attitudes like yours that robbed my child of a decent education for his four years.

I'm in danger of going into rant mode, so I'll stop now.

DD2 was 'fine' at school for 10 years.

Despite me having to carry her in screaming every single day. Despite her exploding the minute she got home every single day. Despite her massive food issues. Despite her not progressing through normal levels for 10 years. She was still 'fine'.

Until she was finally diagnosed with a 'thing' at age 13 and she finally got a bit of support and understanding.

And if you are a teacher I pity any child you come in to contact with who may need extra support.

I suggest you try educating yourself.

Interesting that it is a girl that you are referring to. Autism is typically much harder to diagnose in girls, the symptoms are much less "obvious", and it is very often diagnosed much later than in boys, and parents often have much more of a battle to get the diagnosis.

www.autism.org.uk/about-autism/autism-and-asperger-syndrome-an-introduction/gender-and-autism/women-and-girls-on-the-autism-spectrum.aspx

OP is a teacher? I really hope reading some of the posts on here lead you to re-examine some if your attitudes to the children you refer to.

Oh, and my ds2 (plus dp and I, of course), with ds2's NHS diaagnosis (does that make it better, that he's been under a pediatrician in the NHS from bring 6 months old?) still comes up against people who are not medically qualified, but are apparently more able to diagnose him as "fine".

DS2's needs are not related to being on the spectrum and I don't want to go into what they are, but he can appear fine for weeks/months on end, provided that certain things are done every day to control his symptoms. Some teachers of course, don't see the need to do these certain things and every time his symptoms reappear, requiring time off school to allow whilst the symptoms are brought back under control again. Teachers who ignore his needs have no idea the pressure it puts on the family each time we get a new flair up of symptoms.

Oh, and private diagnoses are often the only way of getting recognition of problems. my daughter, at 14, was struggling at school. She was told, by the SENCO, that there was nothing wrong with her, and she was just lazy. Couldn't get an Ed Psych assessment due to school's insistence there was nothing wrong. I had to get a private assessment - severe dyslexia, complex language disorder, and SPD. If I hadn't done that, she would have ended up absolutely lost and failing, and probably truanting all the time.

Girls are much more able to "mask" their problems - not intentionally - they learn coping mechanisms and just get on with it, until it all falls apart, often in the teenage years...

Lordnoobsen Which part of the support plan, suggested for this child, do you object to?

Riiiight.

So she has a diagnosis, which you prefer to ignore, of a syndrome that you think is 'silly'?

And what, precisely, distinguishes her from a child I know, whose school also decided she was fine and that 'girls didn't get Asperger's anyway', until they were brought up short by her suicide attempt?

Girls with Asperger's are just girls. Children. Teenagers. They can be by turns as silly, sensible, responsive, hormonal and irritating as the next child without it meaning that their syndrome is made up.

A further link, which although is a few years old, is relevant to the discussion, and you may find the references useful;

www.tes.co.uk/article.aspx?storycode=6012347

As a teacher, I'm sure you care about this child, and hopefully a more in-depth insight into autism (particularly in girls) will enable you (and your colleagues) to effectively support her and her parents

Sometimes children that appear to be fine are just holding it all in until they feel safe to let it out or until it becomes too much.

Teachers cannot make assumptions. If less denial had happened about my dyspraxic dnephew he may not have had a breakdown and scored the predicted A*s on his GCSE's instead of a variation of grades A-G. It took a sympathetic Teacher who took him for two hours a week and a school governor (family friend) to push for ed psych and tests. A diagnosis at the point of gcse's and suddenly support measures were put into place. But these counteracted the coping strategies he had put in place and he had a breakdown.

"making up ridiculous syndromes"? "aspergic... or is the kid autistic"?

Niiiice

"involvement of agencies makes things worse"? What, you mean like agencies with expertise in "ridiculous syndromes" like ASD?

Why not try reading up on the fucking subject. This has made me really angry. I have a struggle getting my ds's teachers (primary) to get that he actually is not "like all the others". And that's with a diagnosis of ASD before he started school, and a Statement. I feel really really sorry for any children you teach with any additional needs.

Perhaps you could start by having a quick look at the SN and SN Education boards here.

Ah - if only a teacher had told me three years ago that a bit of chivvying along was all that was needed it would have avoided all those exclusions, suicide attempts and very expensive special school placements.

I know several girls, DD of friends who I strongly suspect are ASD, but who as far as I know (in some cases I know for certain) are not diagnosed. Diagnosis and help might have benefitted them, and hopefully helped teachers who were interested.

I have friends who had fatigue issues, they were real. Fortunately most of them I still know recovered.

My DD has an as yet undiagnosed SEN, its bad enough that she gets extra time. I would hope that if we paid for a private diagnosis her teachers would welcome the advice given.

Sometimes parents are a pita because it is the only way they can get their child the help they need.
Sorry.

A really fantastic teacher doesn't need a child labelled to be able to deliver exactly what that child needs.
However, as a parent (as well as a teacher) sometimes parents know there is something awry but they need some form of diagnosis to work out what it is, that it wasn't their fault and most importantly how both the family and the school can help a child.
However, it is difficult when some parents try to dominate when you know that other children are much more needy.

"A really fantastic teacher doesn't need a child labelled to be able to deliver exactly what that child needs."

Really?????
If so can really fantastic teachers pass this magic ability on to parents who often struggle with their children's issues - and do find a diagnosis helps a lot!

superlovely a label is not a way of putting someone into a box, it's a diagnosis of a condition, often a neurological one which can easily be misunderstood and misinterpreted. The best teacher in the world is not an expert in understanding or teaching someone with a condition such as AS.

Ooh, you sound just like ds2's teacher last year. Delightful.

In school, he shows nothing, but the second he's home he explodes.
But he's "fine" at school.
So fine that last week he needed to be dragged into school by two teachers (”We just can't understand it, he's fine" )
So fine that he has meltdowns at home in direct reaction to something that happened at school.
So fine that Dh and I are borrowing in the region of £2000 to go private to find out what's going on so we can truly advocate for him in school. This will be the first time we are putting ourselves into debt, which we can ill afford.
This is obviously just a phase. A phase that's lasted over three years now and is either getting worse or simply more noticeable as he gets older, oh, but wait, we haven't had the opportunity to label him yet

I hope you take something from this thread op.
Too many teachers disregard what parents say, which is arrogant at best, downright offensive and disrespectful at worst. Who knows the child best after all?

Ds was observed by an ASD expert not long ago. She briefed me about what she was looking for - visible signs of anxiety, obvious obsessions, no eye contact, hand flapping, read out a long list of signs that all children with ASD show all the time. And that's why parents like me go private to get our diagnoses for ridiculous syndromes.

Learn from this, become a better, supportive teacher, who knows, you might just make some families lives better on the way.

Attitude like that OP is why I home educate!

DS1 is "fine" at school. He retreats into himself and stores up all his anxiety, then comes home and doesn't sleep, has accidents, hurts his siblings, goes Hulk if someone breathes near him. By nature he is very quiet and introverted, school is hellish for him a lot of the time.

But he's FINE. Teachers don't see the distress. His academic ability is well above average, so clearly he is FINE.

I got his diagnosis from the NHS though, when he was 2, so that might be more acceptable? If I didn't tell you, you (as a stranger) would have no idea there was anything other than a mildly quirky little professor thing going on.

I've got his IEP review this week. His teacher will say he is FINE. I will have to battle to get minimal support. Yay.

Dishwasher, was that an ironic comment from your expert about 'signs that all children with ASD show all the time'?

Yes, sorry should have been clearer.

Ds shows signs at home, but none whatsoever at school.
We don't know if ASD is the problem, but at home it fits.

There's a saying: If you've met one child with autism, you've met one child with autism.
Most people think that all people with ASD will fit the stereotypes, and sadly that includes many experts who IMO should know better.

Hi everyone,

Thank you to everyone who reported this thread to us. We feel this would be a good time to link to our page about the myths surround SEN, in particular, myth number 6: "you can always tell when someone has a disability", seems appropriate here

I do believe it was, Kitties, in reference to the "expert" that Dishwasher saw. They're the sorts of things that crop up in many of the standard diagnostic questionnaires. Ironically, a lot of professionals can be rather rigid in their interpretation of such things. A question about hand flapping, with no exploration around that, might miss out the fact that a child spends over an hour a day rubbing their hands up and down a piece of velour fabric, for example.