Crying about the thought of going to work tomorrow

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I am a PT teacher in a very challenging secondary school. I only started teaching there last september. I have had issues with behaviour management from the start, not helped by the fact that I have been given exclusively bottom sets to teach. I was told by everyone that the kids there like to push new staff, and push they most certainly have. Support from SMT is poor, staff moral as a whole is rock bottom and the head teacher is a bully. Because of a single poor observation I was put on a teacher intervention problem and seem to be being observed constantly. I take on board everything they tell me but it never seems to get any better. I feel completely dejected and my self confidence is destroyed. I am sitting here sobbing with my heart pounding out of my chest at the thought of going there tomorrow. I feel physically sick.

I am not a new teacher, I have taught successfully in challenging environments previously. Until I took this job I had had a successful career. I have resigned but the thought of working out my notice terrifies me. I need some coping strategies please xxx

My headteacher hauled me into her office today to tell me that she might not let me have a single day to go to my new school - for the new staff induction day, unless they pay for it (which they say they won't) or take it unpaid - nice! Apparently having 2 interviews this year is already enough ?time off?.

When I was unhappy with this, she reminded me that I was an adult. I?m 30 years old ffs! I said I was well aware that I was an adult, but if she was going to treat me like a child, it was difficult not to respond like one. I It?s the first time I?ve really stood up for myself, but my adrenaline levels went through the roof and I ended up in tears afterwards in my classroom. Can feel myself getting ill again ? time to up the Citalopram tablets.

Oh SheerWill - that's awful. Have you secured the other job? Take how you're feeling seriously and see the doctor - get signed off if you need to, otherwise the anxiety may all get worse.
Good luck.

I think I have secured the other job. It was conditional until I'd spoken to Wilts Occy Health - but they didn't think it would be a problem. They want me to go to the induction and I've handed my notice in so I'm def leaving regardless.

I can't get signed off. This is my last term with my lovely class and I'm in charge of the Year 5/6 production. I need to get away from that woman, but I'd be letting down the only people I really care about at school - the children.

Oh dear. That's a great attitude - wish I could be so selfless! Right then - head down, deep breath where HT is concerned, and keep buggering on!

How are we all doing?

I had OH meeting last week, things have moved fast - have my CBT assessment on Friday. Am really hoping I respond well to it and can alter my thinking so that I cope better. It seems like a tall order but I feel like it's now or never. I can't go on like this, and definitely can't return to work with this - I'm like a ticking time bomb!

Got a meeting with my HT and HR rep in a few weeks - apparently I can have my Union rep there if I want. Bit scared about that as my paranoid mind is in overdrive as to whether I need one there because they intend to sack me or something! Maybe it's just standard protocol. I don't know!

I am getting occasional fleeting moments when I feel like things might get better, which is progress for me!

Hope you are all doing well.

X.

Hi, I just wanted to tell you that 7 years ago I was in the same position.

Reading the thread takes me back, I can relate to so much of what people have written here.

I resigned and was signed off for a large part of the remaining time. It was a huge blow to my pride.

I was in a new job in the September and I've never looked back. I actually met someone from my old school the other day and was shocked by how much I've blocked out, I can't remember staff names or a lot of the kids, it was very surreal. I couldn't even remember which school I knew the guy from at first.

It is so all-consuming at the time but you've already done the difficult bit. It shows how strong you are and I wish you lots of luck for September.

Hi All, I was just wondering how everyone was doing now that september has rolled in again.
Sheerwill Have you started your new job? Empross How are you?

I have not got such good news. Right at the end of last term my new job offer was withdrawn as my old head teacher gave me a negative verbal reference. I don't know what was said and am unlikely to find out. It looks like after 10 years of successful teaching and good references that one dreadful job can put an end to my career.

I'm looking at doing some supply work to try and biuld up positive references again and also do some private tuition if I can. Health wise I am okay(ish). Good days and bad days.

SmaltzingMatilda - great post! I am just about to start the dreaded PGCE, via School Direct, and am predictably nervous, but your post I shall cut out & keep

Thank you Matilda Such good advice. I'm just at the stage of registering with supply agencies (but I need a CV - eek!) Fingers crossed I will eventually find the right school for me, or maybe I'll find out that teaching is no longer the career for me and there will be new ahead of me! Just got to stay positive is all. SD Good luck with the PGCE xx

I so wish I'd found this thread before as I have been pushed out of my job too. Was previously rated very highly but after I took time off when my child was hospitalised (potentially fatal infection) was put on a 'support' package. Back stabbing and gossip galore. I lost all my confidence and virtually my sanity. I left under an agreement and will hopefully start supply.

Hi Manyhands
It's hideous isn't it. It's the lack of self-condfidence and self-belief which is the hardest thing to deal with. The "support packages" and "teacher improvement plans" are anything but. It just destroyed me. Matilda its madness isn't it? One observation can place you into these programmes and once you are on them, certainly for me at least, the pressure was enormous. I got so much conflicting advice and acted on all of it but there was never any improvement in their perception of me.

Thank you Matilda for you offer of support and I will certainly take you up on it. Manyhands please let me know how you get on with supply, it will be interesting to compare experiences. xx

How are you getting on RI?

I'm okay thanks Manyhands I have a couple of interviews with supply agencies lined up for next week. They all said that they need satisfactory references though. They were understanding about what had happened and hopefully it will work out okay. My old HoD will hopefully give me a satisfactory reference but if they speak to the HT she won't. It is just so distressing the way one person can ruin someones career.

On a positive note, it has been lovely to be at home, pick the kids up from school and not feel stressed every second of the day. I just wish being at home paid better! Have appointment next week to see about claiming Jobseekers Allowance, my first ever benefits claim... Not sure if I will be eligible though as I resigned from my last job because I thought I had a job to go to.

How are you doing Many xx

Can i just say I was in your position not too many years ago. My school was great until I had my children and came back part time. I found it hard to fit back in, was unsupported, my role kept changing, I lost confidence. Everything I did was questionned. Everything just started going wrong. I couldn't sleep & dreaded going in. Finally I couldn't carry on & resigned. I began doing supply, which I was really nervous about, but it was great. I had good experiences in every school I went in. Five years ago I went to a local school for a week & I'm still there. It's been great & I'm now back to full time & assistant head. Don't give up, you might just need a fresh start. Good luck.

I'm doing okay, RI, not had any supply work yet which is worrying me and sending my dH into an absolute panic. Glad not to be going back into school but miss having a job. To be honest I'm looking at jobs outside of teaching too but I don't know if that's because my confidence has taken such a knock. I too am loving seeing my kids more as a keen runner I'm enjoying being able to run more often. Just wish I felt more secure finacially.

RI can the union negiotiate your reference?

How are you getting on many? Have you had any work yet? My registration with the supply agencies I have contacted so far have not yet been completed and so I have not had any work yet. I can understand the financial pressures too. We are panicking as well. It's hard to go from the happy successful teacher I was a couple of years ago to this.

I am also doubtful about getting registered with the supply agencies as I have received a copy of the reference I received from my old head and it is pretty bad. Nothing is untrue but there so no mention at all of all the good things I did. Just the negative. I'm hoping I can still get registered, build up some work and get rid of this negative reference... Or find a non-teaching job?? But what could I do? Did you have any ideas about what you might want to do away from teaching?

Well still waiting for supply work mostly because they are waiting for my references , I've got a trial lesson with a fairly local school which if successfully will lead to a long term (if not well paid) supply. I've looked in teaching adults ESOL as I have a tefl. I've applied for a job in a local recycling centre showing community groups around. I don't really have the experience but I am very keen. I've also looked at working for the ambulance service as us teachers have lots of tranferable people skills. There is a blog on tes showing alternatives to teaching which is very useful.

I hope everyone on this thread is getting on okay. I had my morning's supply work and the school were very pleased with me and praised me to the agency. This has done my confidence the world of good and should hopefully lead to me being booked when more work comes in.