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The royal family

Best advice for Harry going forward?

1000 replies

SandyThumb · 03/05/2025 11:43

I have all the same initial reactions as many others on MN regarding Harry i.e. whiner, grifter, stupid, entitled etc and it's easy to dole out the criticism.

However while I wouldn't say I have sympathy for him, as so much of his situation is of his own making, I actually do have some underlying feelings of concern for him and his future (and children).

He reminds me an awful lot of a relative of mine who is neurodiverse with a mild learning disability and a tendency to be self-absorbed with an overdeveloped victim complex - always lashing out, blaming others, seeing conspiracy where there is none etc.

Harry is clearly a damaged man, with childhood trauma and issues which continue to plague his mental health.
As with my relative, he has grown up with a support network which has probably quietly managed and enabled his passage through life, but when big outbursts happen (as have happened in our family too) everyone backs off and 'grey rocks' him until he has calmed down. Some people just give up, too exhausted by the constant drama of it all.

OP posts:
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19
MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 06/05/2025 13:54

@CoffeeCantata

You know that Prince Philip was fiercely loyal to the Queen?

jeffgoldblum · 06/05/2025 13:57

Puzzledandpissedoff · 06/05/2025 13:53

Don't go there about the matron, @jeffgoldblum - that one still makes me incandescent, and this is the oaf we were expected to regard as a "jolly nice cheeky chappie" Confused

I know!!!
but hardly anyone mentions it!! , it pisses me right off!!😡

and frankly the way he described losing his virginity to an older woman, who turned out to be literally only a month or two older than him and practically outing her is disgusting too!

CoffeeCantata · 06/05/2025 13:59

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 06/05/2025 13:54

@CoffeeCantata

You know that Prince Philip was fiercely loyal to the Queen?

Everyone knows that. It's a fact, not an opinion.

What challenge can you put forward to it?

And I'm not talking about private sexual matters which I have no interest in.

User14March · 06/05/2025 14:03

jeffgoldblum · 06/05/2025 13:57

I know!!!
but hardly anyone mentions it!! , it pisses me right off!!😡

and frankly the way he described losing his virginity to an older woman, who turned out to be literally only a month or two older than him and practically outing her is disgusting too!

Ah you mean 'Pat ' who had the temerity not to be 'hot' and was 'small, mousy, frazzled with hair that fell greasily into her always tired eyes'. Strangely, she didn't much joy out of life maybe because 'stairs were torture' due to her 'crooked spine' and chronically stiff knees. Oh the joy of mocking her as she descended 'backwards glacially down the stairs'. It gets worse. 'Making faces' behind her back a hoot too. H feels she was brusque and unkind towards him which offers justification in his own mind.

foreverblowingbubbless · 06/05/2025 14:06

To be honest I think this dragging in of previous generations of Royals and what they said or did as some kind of attack is pretty pointless. Why not go back all the way to when we used to stick hot pokers up the arses of people we didn't like? Harry has to be held to the standards of today.

LaMarschallin · 06/05/2025 14:06

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 06/05/2025 13:54

@CoffeeCantata

You know that Prince Philip was fiercely loyal to the Queen?

You're obviously still on the pot.
Your bottom must be numb by now,
MyOtherCarIsAPorsche .
Still hinting that Prince Philip did something that was
Worse than Andrew and Harry.
No wonder Andrew couldn't believe he didn't get away with it like his father did.

Although you seem to now be just mentioning Harry.

BunnyLake · 06/05/2025 14:07

SandyThumb · 03/05/2025 11:43

It's not clear if Harry has any/ many true friends and confidantes left, but if there are any, how should they be advising him?

Personally I think he should step back from public life completely (let Meghan do her own thing) and try to find a sense of purpose / throw himself completely into a different role or job?

That’s what I think. He should get into gardening or something similar that is beneficial to mental health. Meghan is very happy with her Instagram but he would benefit from doing something closer to nature, away from the cameras. Maybe in the future he could incorporate his new skills in to a tv show. He really needs to let go before he either explodes or implodes.

jeffgoldblum · 06/05/2025 14:09

User14March · 06/05/2025 14:03

Ah you mean 'Pat ' who had the temerity not to be 'hot' and was 'small, mousy, frazzled with hair that fell greasily into her always tired eyes'. Strangely, she didn't much joy out of life maybe because 'stairs were torture' due to her 'crooked spine' and chronically stiff knees. Oh the joy of mocking her as she descended 'backwards glacially down the stairs'. It gets worse. 'Making faces' behind her back a hoot too. H feels she was brusque and unkind towards him which offers justification in his own mind.

Yes!
but I’d rather not relive his poison filled narrative again!
and it’s further proof that he’s always been a hateful little shit since he was a child!!!
and those who waved it away as childish mistakes , he was a 40 year old man when he wrote his book and revisited it with no sign of remorse or apology.

User14March · 06/05/2025 14:13

jeffgoldblum · 06/05/2025 14:09

Yes!
but I’d rather not relive his poison filled narrative again!
and it’s further proof that he’s always been a hateful little shit since he was a child!!!
and those who waved it away as childish mistakes , he was a 40 year old man when he wrote his book and revisited it with no sign of remorse or apology.

It's the less than thinly veiled contempt for 'civilians' and the peasants out there. Even if she was a bit brusque her life was probably very difficult, where's the understanding and compassion for others? I got a whiff of similar about the history master who lived in a seemingly soulless 'bungalow by the sports field'. On site. Although he did add his dogs were lovely.

BunnyLake · 06/05/2025 14:14

jeffgoldblum · 06/05/2025 14:09

Yes!
but I’d rather not relive his poison filled narrative again!
and it’s further proof that he’s always been a hateful little shit since he was a child!!!
and those who waved it away as childish mistakes , he was a 40 year old man when he wrote his book and revisited it with no sign of remorse or apology.

It was absolutely unforgivable. He might as well have behaved liked that as forty year old man because there wasn’t a hint of remorse or shame from him, in fact he seemed to enjoy re-telling it. That is the real Harry. Odious to the core.

foreverblowingbubbless · 06/05/2025 14:17

CoffeeCantata · 06/05/2025 13:59

Everyone knows that. It's a fact, not an opinion.

What challenge can you put forward to it?

And I'm not talking about private sexual matters which I have no interest in.

Philip was the one who realised what the RF needed to stay relevant. He pushed for the televising of the Queen's coronation in 1953 . He was the first member of the RF to do a public interview in 1961. He encouraged her to speak about her own faith in her 2000 Christmas broadcast. The monarchy needs to be ever evolving. The war time monarchy had done its job but needed to move on. This has continued with Charles and will with William. Harry is stuck in the past with his memories and his expectations. I have a family member who lives in the USA and they tend to think time stands still in the UK when they are not there. I believe Harry is stuck in the " Diana years". He is irrelevant to the 2025 RF but is playing catch up.

RandyRedHumpback · 06/05/2025 14:18

I totally see where you are coming from @Puzzledandpissedoff . I've been horrified by the cheapening of the concept of racism by all and sundry these last 4/5 years. And of course it's a vile thing to accuse anyone of, and leaves a stain even where there is little to no evidence. And I am also glad that flinging that accusation around on the basis of nothing seems to have less and less weight and less ability to shut people up these days. It's a shame that real and actual racism is the casualty.

I agree that the naming of Catherine and Charles should have been countered by Harry in the same way he stood up for Lady Hussey. However, I am going to go into rumour territory now. These are the rumours: Ms Fulani, who made the accusations is a friend of H&M's photographer pal. Ms Fulani was not supposed to be at the event in question but went along uninvited. And Lady Hussey was not the target, rather, it should have been Camilla. So the reason H&M stood up for Lady Hussey was because a mistake was made in targeting her for a racism accusation. That is not to say there was not an exchange between Ms Fulani and Lady Hussey that offended the former. Just that this was an unintended consequence.

Re the naming of Charles and Catherine: they were "named" in correspondence from MM to Charles. First, who else would have given that information to Omid Scobie other than Meghan and/or Harry and/or someone in their household trusted enough to look at private, highly sensitive correspondence? So that's one reason for them to stay quiet.

Second, if Harry countered the accusation, then he'd effectively be saying his wife was a liar for writing it in the first place. I assume Scobie, lick spittle though he is, would have had all the receipts he needed as to his source in order to defend himself.

Third, the correspondence apparently referred to "The Princess of Wales". However, that could well have been referring to Camilla pre QEII dying. Scobie never actually named Catherine, the interpretation was made
though that "Princess of Wales" was referring to her. Harry would have had to say one way or the other, and in doing so, thrown one of them under the bus.

Fourth, he's been happy leaving it open as to who was the "royal racist" all these years. He made sure to ensure Oprah told the world it wasn't the purse-holders and the power at the time, the Queen and Prince Philip. But otherwise, he'd be asked why it took him so long to put the record straight all these years - and still people would be looking at other members of the family whom he wasn't absolving of guilt. He'd have to admit to being happy to sit back while vile rumours about innocent people have circulated, when he had the power to put an end to it - in other words, to being a complicit internet bully.

Munnygirl · 06/05/2025 14:30

CoffeeCantata · 06/05/2025 12:31

'Haters'. Well, LOL as Sussex supporters like to say!

You won't find hatred on these threads. IME, from the H & M Sceptics, you'll find informed, witty and highly perceptive posts from people who are well up-to-speed on all aspects of the subject.

If you find any actual hatred, please point it out and if necessary, report.

Here is what most people who are not supporters of H & M 'hate':

Bullying, and powerful people being allowed to get away with bullying underlings who cannot answer back.

Lies and slanders against others, particularly family members, who can't always answer back. The RF do not engage in mud-slinging or shouting matches and Harry and Meghan know that their lies will largely go unchallenged. All the royals ever said was 'Recollections may vary' and 'We are very much not a racist family'. Otherwise they did not engage with the shocking allegations. But since then the rest of the world has learned just how much belief to attach to what these 2 say.

Off-the-scale pomposity and self-aggrandisement - faux 'royal' tours, insistence on use of titles in the republic of the USA. All while attacking the royal family and the idea of hierarchy.

Hypocrisy on a monumental scale, unseen before in public life. The private travel, the fake empathy (and only with a film-crew in attendance), the insistence on being treated as royals when they've left that behind and claim they didn't like hierarchies. Plus the 'campaigning' against bullying and online attacks when they refuse to call off their unhinged attack-dogs, the SS, from bullying Catherine and others - and even thank them sometimes! Unbelievable.

Vulgarity beyond belief in their lifestyle and expenditure. Harry's polo and private jets and Meghan's crazy wardrobe (which KC paid for - far more than other royal women ever had or would have expected - she thought she was going to get that funded for life, didn't she?). I suspect now the clothes are borrowed, since they'll have to pay themselves.

That's what most H & M critics 'hate'.

I could not love this 👆 anymore

Munnygirl · 06/05/2025 14:33

Hardcrustsfromnowon654 · 06/05/2025 12:42

I agree with Milaking ‘s posts.

The relish with which some posters are almost welcoming Harry’s so-called “downfall” and isolation from the rest of his family, is pretty dark tbh.

Yes, Harry is responsible for his actions now; some of which have been far from ideal. But he couldn’t help the situation in to which he was born. It is a pretty difficult psychological shift to be brought up as equals with your brother, and then come to realise in your teens that you will always be second in everything. And it all being played out in the public eye.

Princess Anne has made a good job of it, and Edward to a lesser extent, but it’s more difficult being two rival siblings of the same sex so close in age. Princess Margaret didn’t really manage to make a success of it. I don’t see what was so wrong about Harry being open and honest about the difficulties of the role anyway. And the difficulties it would present for his wife who was older, with an established career and work ethic.

Let’s be honest, how many of us would like our salary, and that of our wife and children, and accommodation, and our professional role, ultimately being determined by our sibling for the rest of our life, even if we did get on with them? Very, very few of us would find that acceptable in this day and age! Very few spouses would accept or tolerate it either.

It’s similar to the change in the role of vicars wives that has taken place over the last couple of decades or so. Traditionally, they stayed at home, ran the vicarage, and devoted their lives to their husband’s ministry and the parish.

But nowadays, most vicars’ wives have independent jobs, lives, and salaries. So I don’t think a half-in, half-out scenario was that outlandish a request in the first place, and even if the RF couldn’t agree to that fully, I think it should have been all thought through a little more, and some compromises and concessions made to modern life.

The RF always has to be dragged kicking and screaming towards change and they should try, just occasionally, to initiate it.

No wonder it’s hard marrying in!

I think Harry made a brave decision to leave, to protect his own family, and some people will never ever forgive him for it, but he has done the opposite of his father, and put his family above protocol, and the institution, and I can’t blame him for that.

Harry needs to go and live his life successfully now and find a role for himself, serving others.

This won’t be a popular view, but I think in turn, King Charles, as his parent, needs to reach out and try and fix this family rift. As the boss man, he sets the tone now. He should not let this fester any longer. I couldn’t ever imagine closing doors on my adult children, even if they had done something utterly horrendous!

I quite like Charles but due to his own upbringing, I think he has always been someone who has needed a lot of support himself, rather than someone who was good at providing it for his sons. No one can know for sure but atm KC is giving a pretty good impression of someone who is putting their spouse, their professional role, their courtiers, above talking and healing a rift with their own son and what is more important than that?
I can’t think of many things tbh!

Harry’s entire childhood was defined by loss and now, through a series of unfortunate events, his own actions, and the actions of others, a large part of his adult life is about to be defined by it too. I hope he has some good support around him right now.

How on earth has Harry been brave? There is nothing in his behaviour that you could ever describe as courageous

Puzzledandpissedoff · 06/05/2025 14:33

Superb post, @RandyRedHumpback - morally bankrupt the pair of them Sad

Munnygirl · 06/05/2025 14:36

jeffgoldblum · 06/05/2025 13:22

Yes I’m normally not one to post rumours but I know what it feels like when it seems everyone knows something and won’t tell you what it is!! 🤣

I’m just sorry I missed the hint!

LaMarschallin · 06/05/2025 14:39

Munnygirl · 06/05/2025 14:36

I’m just sorry I missed the hint!

Me too 🤔

jeffgoldblum · 06/05/2025 14:45

Why are we constantly hearing about Harry’s loss ?
now we hear that his entire childhood was defined by loss, how exactly?
yes his mother died, yes it was terribly tragic and sad for him but he wasn’t alone in that grief was he?
what about his brother William? Was Diana not his mother too? , or have people conveniently forgotten him in the rush to excuse Harry’s subsequent behaviour.

and without wishing to sound harsh but apart from the death of his mother what other loss did he experience?
he was cosseted and loved and pandered to for the rest of his life .
other children lose their parents, one or sometimes both , their brothers, their sisters, no one panders to them or cossets them for the rest of their lives and then excuses any behaviour they exhibit as adults!
why does Harry get a pass but William and everyone else doesn’t?

jeffgoldblum · 06/05/2025 14:47

Munnygirl · 06/05/2025 14:36

I’m just sorry I missed the hint!

🤣🤣 now , now!! I’m already suffering from posters remorse! 🤣

Hardcrustsfromnowon654 · 06/05/2025 14:48

CoffeeCantata · 06/05/2025 13:39

"worse than his grandfather"

Who cares if members of the royal family have extra-marital liaisons or friendships (if that's what you're implying)? I don't. Why on earth would I? Why do you? Its totally inconsequential, and if that's how the marriage works, then fine - it's no business of anyone else's.

What I DO mind about is if they wash their dirty linen in public and attack and smear their family publicly, branding them as racists etc on a global stage and making wild allegations which they later retract sheepishly (when the damage has been done) or which are proved to be lies.

Prince Philip (like Princess Margaret) was always fiercely loyal to the Queen and the RF, and clearly loved his wife. What happens in the privacy of their marriage is totally their own business and of no interest or concern to me.

Of course people in general, and the RF in particular, are entitled to a private life.

However, I think it’s legitimate to object if, there is one rule for men, and another rule for women, when it comes to sexual infidelity, because that is misogynistic.

We know that , until fairly recently, it was totally acceptable for male Kings to have mistresses.

At what point did that change? Or has it changed? Do we know?

And at what point does “keeping up a good front” descend in to a lie?

We can’t just ignore history and deny the fact that if women strayed they were “ruined” whereas men could be unfaithful and all was forgiven. It’s silly to deny that there aren’t still vestiges of this attitude remaining now.

Also, I don’t think it’s right to try and present a situation involving hurtful sexual infidelity to the public as “one big happy family”. Remember, we know of at least one instance where this has happened for sure. And it involved children in the lie too.

And that’s leaving aside moral objections connected to being head of the C of E.

So I don’t think all of these questions should be dismissed quite so readily as some posters on this thread would like, however uncomfortable they are.

jeffgoldblum · 06/05/2025 14:49

LaMarschallin · 06/05/2025 14:39

Me too 🤔

Don’t ! 🤣 , I’m a softy at heart and often to my own detriment! 🤣

LaMarschallin · 06/05/2025 14:54

Aww, sorry @jeffgoldblum
I'm just miffed at being out of the loop.
Certainly don't want to push you into saying anything you'd rather not - and I know how these things can get held over you later.
Apparently I "bashed" Meghan because I made fun of her "Ducks?! I can't believe such a thing exists!" video 😀

jeffgoldblum · 06/05/2025 14:55

LaMarschallin · 06/05/2025 14:54

Aww, sorry @jeffgoldblum
I'm just miffed at being out of the loop.
Certainly don't want to push you into saying anything you'd rather not - and I know how these things can get held over you later.
Apparently I "bashed" Meghan because I made fun of her "Ducks?! I can't believe such a thing exists!" video 😀

Ah yes !! The bashing of the ducks!!
was worthy of a ballad! 🤣

jeffgoldblum · 06/05/2025 15:04

@LaMarschallin and @Munnygirl! Check your boxes ! 😉

MrsLeonFarrell · 06/05/2025 15:13

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 06/05/2025 12:35

My father was always requested to drive/tow Prince Philip when he went water skiing in Malta for a couple of years. My dad served in the Royal Navy as an officer and was stationed in Malta.

He knew exactly what shenanigans Philip and his cronies got up to - Princess Elizabeth asked my dad to confirm what she already knew.

And my father was the Archbishop of Canterbury.

Anyone can write anything online.

I doubt very much that an officer who was trusted to interact frequently with the Royal family would be repeating salacious details to anyone. I've moved in circles with officers who have served the Royal family, respect and discretion are key.

If you want to slander the dead you'll need to try harder than this to be convincing.

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