Earl Spencer revelations

[LadyMuckonpancakes]

Just caught something about this online. It sounds horrific.

The privacy thing - I remember how I used to climb this tree in the grounds of the school just to get away from everyone and have some time to myself. The trauma of being separated from my family as well as the uncaring, often bullying staff, who consisted of single older women not only gave me a visceral dislike and distrust of older women when I was young, but put an enormous strain on my relationship with my mother. It was her idea to place me in this godforsaken shithole of a school in the first place.

@BigMandsTattooPortfolio i didn’t have an especially traumatic experience at Boarding School but it left me with a life long overwhelming need for privacy. I really need to be on my own a lot. I almost have a phobia about privacy as a result of having none for so long.

Thinking about it, although I have just said I didn’t have an especially traumatic experience, for a girl from the country who just loved riding her horse, reading and generally being on her own, being thrown into an environment where you slept with 7 other girls and the showers had no curtains etc at the age of 11 was traumatic in itself.

I think he’s using the caveat about being a teen because he moves in circles of people who will be right now sending their children to boarding school and he doesn’t want to ostracise himself from many friendship groups/ acquaintances. I think he disagrees with them entirely but is too clever to say so.

My DH was one of those, sporty, resilient, military family overseas, bit younger than teens and with a very strong relationship with his parents. He was fine and from all accounts I've heard, it was a school with a good ethos. Sadly his is far from a universal experience. I know 2 men who were sent to board at 8 (coincidentally the same very "prestigious" school) and both have severe stammers, reluctant to even mention their schooldays.

Charles Spencer should be applauded for speaking out about this and I believe him.

There is a very old cartoon about boarding schools entitled "I wonder if all the sacrifices our parents make for us is worth it".

Cue picture of two very entitled people have an excellent child free dinner.

Hem hem and QED

As a child of parents who boarded from early ages, I believe the impact becomes generational, because you are expecting someone to parent who wasn't fully parented.

I also know of one young person left in charge of a lot of children. I do not believe she would spot early signs of meningitis, sepsis or even concussion at night time. If woken by boarders, she is still expected to work a 16 hour day.

Its awful. I cringe when I read on here parents enthusing about the benefits of boarding. Their dc just get used to being parented by teachers and eventually resent their parents and treat them with contempt.

If you have dc you should look after them until college/uni age not palm them off effectively putting them into care but with a facility with sports trophies and posh sofas in the reception area.

That’s very true. My mother just didn’t know how to be a mother as she never had one herself really.

This was in the Guardian this morning. Effectively describes the abusive matron and her role in schools, ie handmaidening to paedophile male teachers. Unsurprisingly such people are charming the adults only when they are there and turn on the children when they are absent. Like every abuser I have ever encountered professionally

www.theguardian.com/society/2024/mar/23/boarding-school-matrons-abuse-charles-spencer

Good grief @bombastix
That was a hard read. I'm no psychologist but I imagine these childhood experiences would affect a man's later relationships with women. Perhaps a fear of intimacy at some visceral level. Or some fixation on older women. Handmaiden is perfect. Indulging her own whims while enabling the male predators.

After DH telling me of his experiences at boarding school, when DS was born my FiL asked if we were putting his name down for xxxxxxx school. He was mystified when my response was 'over my dead body' Turns out DH never told them what happened. I really really encouraged him to tell them. Eventually he did, they were mortified that they had put him into that situation, and we're deeply saddened that he felt he couldn't tell them.

The alleged abuser has been named by the DM.

My old boss went to a boys boarding school in the 70’s and said that, not for him, but many boys, sexual abuse was par for the course and everyone was too scared to tell anybody. It really haunted me.

I notice that his third marriage is now over and he’s got a new paramour. He says he had to go to a residential facility at the end of last year for trauma. He also says the strain of writing the book did for his marriage.
The woman who abused him had been named in the media now too. What a lot of fall out from a terrible experience.

Oh no. Karen Spencer seems so nice on her IG. If this is true then I am very sad about it.

I’ve just read the book and found it absolutely horrifying. Why is inaction being taken against those still alive?

It really was all too common. Unfortunately.

I meant to say no action

Apparently the woman in question was arrested and released on conditional bail shortly after she was identified by the DM.

Spencer was reported to be frustrated at the slow pace of the inquiry earlier this year but investigating alleged incidents from 50 years ago is always going to be tough.

The alleged abuser is late 60's now so there's still time for a possible court case in due course.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/royals/article-14790789/Princess-Dianas-brother-Earl-Spencer-frustrated-pace-probe-claims-abuse.html

The alleged abuser is late 60s and Earl Spencer himself is already 61. So the abuser was barely 10 years older than him?!?

Seems so.

That can’t possibly be the case. I read that he had sent a copy to one of his abusers who is now a very old man. I don’t know if it’s the same person.

Oh you poor thing.. you made what you thought was the right decision for him at the time. Please forgive yourself. 💐

He alleged sexual abuse by a female assistant matron subsequently identified by the DM as per link above along with violent beatings from a male teacher which may account for the incident you describe.

I think some elite schools used to employ posh young nanny types (cheap to employ) who played the role of older sister/nanny to the boys and helped with practical chores, chivvying along, but there is a big difference in power dynamics between a 13 year old boy and a 23 year old young woman.

Me and fellow classmates had the hideous experience at our prep school of being bullied by a nun in the 70s who was not sexually abusive but physically cruel. Looking back she should never have been anywhere near children. We were only seven years old and didn’t know what she was doing was wrong so none of us said anything. So I well believe in the prevalence of female abusers I’m afraid.