A positive and non-bashing thread about Meghan and Harry

[MrsMaxDeWinter]

I have rejoined Mumsnet after leaving a few times. The first time I left was because I was concerned about the coverage and uncomfortable undertone of the commentary on Meghan Markle after the engagement was announced, before she had said a word, and before she had married into the Royal Family.

I came back around the time she and Harry left the UK, to be stunned by the pages and pages upon pages of virulent threads. At that time Mumsnet actually banned all threads about Meghan, it had become so toxic.

They have now made their lives in Montecito, but still the virulence continues. Yes, she speaks in a mix of therapy plus corporate gobbledegook, yes, she is occasionally vapid and irritating.

But who is she actually harming that she deserves all this virulence?

Yesterday, when the new UK Prime Minister was elected, the coverage in the Super Tory Daily Mail was all about a seven minute speech to a bunch of young people. Article after article after article. Body language experts. Counting the number of times she said "I" in a speech in which she sought to inspire young people by attempting to relate to them. Before that, 18 articles were devoted to the first podcast by the Daily Mail alone. 18!

Same with her podcasts. The series is about HER and HER take on labels, and she discusses HER take with HER guests.

It's all very anodyne, even vanilla. It does not deserve any of the vitriol sent her way.

SO:

As the next twelve weeks are going to be wall to wall Meghan, and the Meghan haters and detractors have several threads here that fill up rapidly with bile, scorn and mockery, I have started this thread, reminiscent of previous " positive" threads, to talk about what some of us like, enjoy, find amusing and even (gasp) admire, in the next few Meghan rich weeks.

If you don't have anything positive to say, that's okay, you can keep to the existing threads.

Looking forward to a bile-free discussion of everything Meghan!

I would have expected them to wait for H to arrive before the official announcement.

I think Harry needs to understand the Circles of Grief. Charles, Andrew, Anne and Edward are at the centre, then the rest of the family, then close friends etc.
The theory is that the people at the centre can complain and be more unreasonable than people on other circles. Charles is King and has all that plus grieving. And there's Harry making a bloody fuss.

Dexra because Harry has suffered an unbelievable trauma at age 12. Before that he had an unstable childhood with details played out on every page of every paper in the world.
Then ontop of this instability his mother died in a way where not one ounce of comfort could be drawn.
Usually people say " they are not in pain now, she had a good inning's, at least she didn't suffer....she will be in a better place". None of the usual placitudes apply to Diana's pointless,painful and tragic death.

Then not only was he forced to walk in public behind her coffin....he had to endure the years of drama following her death. People claiming she was pregnant,people who took pictures as she was dying, al Fayed.
Paul burrel stealing breath taking amounts and forcing the queen into an unprecedented moment to say she told him he could have it all !
The conspiracy theories and that is without the Charles and Camilla revelations.

I'm not sure how I would feel about my mother being walked down the aisle with my fathers mistress looking on?

It has never been his choices that his father's sex tapes were revealed or his father's close friendship to Jimmy saville or his parents both giving televised interviews about their marriages and affairs!
His aunt's and uncles torrid sexual activities exploding in not the media.
He didn't sign anything as a child to say " I give my right to a private life up and I'm signing up for the Truman show where even the most private moments belong to others"

Except when I am unhappy. Except when I want to use the media.

Is he making a fuss though?

No YOU tell me. You seem to know all about the arrangements of The RF on the death of the Queen and Harry's reasons for arriving and leaving when he did

It seemed from the coverage (as I experienced it) that the media were expecting to announce at 6pm regardless and it was delayed to 6:40 even though all of the RF (I expect?) were told that she had actually already died either before they set off or whilst they were en-route.

No Harry isn't making a fuss.

Charles himself has had the most famously strained relationship with his mother his entire life..
After his mother's loss ,the queen will be the closest female relationship to Harry in that family..
A 72 year old man loosing his mother is always sad but Charles has had his mother until he was 72 year's old and a grandfather.

He also had his "pa".
Harry lost his ma at 12.

It beggar's all belief that this needs explaining.

Even Martin Lewis in the time of energy crisis has put a call out on twitter to remember how triggering such an event can be for those who have lost their own loved ones.
Martin Lewis lost a parent at a young age.

I can't imagine the grief Harry feels compared to a 72 year old man.

William had all this too.

FFS Have you lost both your parents? I lost my DF when he was 92 and my DM when she was 72. I fought with my DF like dog and cat. But I was grief stricken when he died. My grief was at a whole different level to that of my children.

William had this too!
It infuriates me the way William’s pain is always ignored.
He can’t melt down and flounce off. Someone had to be there for the family.

It is not the Harry show - there are others they were equally hurt, equally damaged but managed their grief and loss with dignity, and without resorting to lashing out and hurting others.

And that counts for precisely nothing now

so because W behaves a certain way H has to too!!!
grief is different for everyone. my mum died when I was 18, my grief is different to my brothers. we all deal with things differently. there is no right way,

I find it interesting that you see it that way.
It is Harry that released the private phone conversation, went to the press (that he hates), went on talk shows, and is releasing a tell all book next year.

Yet he should be accepted back with "emotional intelligence".
Given the past it understandable that the RF would be very wary of saying or doing anything around him.

As for PA, From what I have read KC does not have a good relationship with, so I can't see him getting back to being front line royal (which is good)

@dexra.

What do you think?

Yes. I have .

One when I was younger and one when I was older and yes. It was far easier to bear the weight of greif loosing an older parent whose body failed than a younger parent with life left in them.

I can clearly see an emotional barrier at being able to understand the tragic loss of a younger parent on a child.

You clearly can't put yourself into someone else's shoes having lost your parents at age's that are very average and normal and natural.

It's a grief " for fuck sake " you can't possibly try to compare???

Festoon I actually find it sad as a society that people are so emotionally brutal towards Harry and treat the royals personally.

It's his family and his business.

He never chose as a baby to have his entire life exposed.

One can only hope H&M arrive at the funeral minus the rolling Netflix cameras, seep into the background, pay their respects and disappear back to the US and get on and enjoy their lives making podcasts snd animations etc and are happy.

If Harry has a single shred of decency left, he will honour his Grandmothers final wish and legacy and ensure the book never sees the light of day.

Tell his wife to leave his family out of all future interviews and belatedly step up and be the honourable man he once was and was raised to be. There is nothing more I would like to see.

Harry did not choose to have a public childhood and youth. He has however chosen as an adult to be followed by Netflix cameras and to marry someone who seeks and adores the limelight.

@YoniWheretheSunDontShine

Great post at 09.38

I thought he planned to be off to Germany for Invictus - must have got muddled! Sorry

I think that the way King Charles phrased his benediction on Harry and Meghan means that they continue with the life they have chosed with his blessing.

I find it quite disgusting everyone always focuses on Harry's pain and forgets William.

William was 15 - a scary time as you are not afforded the same tolerance as a child
William would one day by king, he knew this from a young age. He knew eyes would be on both boys, but especially him, just as we now look more keenly at George than the other two royal children, scouring him for traces of a future leader.

William didnt get to dick around, be controversial, have dubious girlfriends

Harry's mother met with a tragic end, this was over 20 years ago now. He will have had access to the best counselling and support available to the country. Of course he will carry a grief within him forever but time to step up now.

Incidentally, while I dont like Meghans shit stirring, I also dont forget that Harry is the one rubber stamping this.

With regard to attitudes towards Meghan, I dont think she has necessarily committed any great mortal sin, she did commit one major error though, and that was to make sure she tapped into the system and the establishment for the pomp and glory of a royal wedding only to do a U turn practically the next day.

A cannier woman would have stuck to it for 2 or 3 years and then make a slow fade off the royal scene. But duty, grit, resolve, sacrifice, sowing seeds now for later: these are qualities that belong to a different generation, and partly explain why the queens death was felt so sharply by so many.

@YoniWheretheSunDontShine

you are clearly very invested in Harry’s grief while glossing over everyone else’s.

He was supposed to come in a supportive role and if he couldn’t do that, to stay at home so the focus is where it should have been - on the Queen and then her children

No worries! Invictus was in the middle

I think to lose a parent when you are young yourself must be truly awful, but add in a senseless car crash and it's even more amplified.
Yes William too, awful for him as well as Harry but he has been more protected from the brutal press I feel. The MSM tend to focus on one of them and it was Harry

William didnt get to dick around, be controversial, have dubious girlfriends

I agree with most of what you've said but this I think is a questionable assertion. I think it's far more likely that he was protected by the palace in his "dicking around" and they probably called in a lot of media favours to protect The Heir.

My take, FWIW, PH doesn't want to be there due to a) it being Balmoral b) he has 'rocked the family boat' to put it mildly and it was probably very awkward for him. However, he needs to forget about his own wants/needs, put his 'big boy' pants on and do what is right for his Grandmother which should involve spending some time with immediate family regardless of what has gone on. He doesn't have to always be joined at the hip to his wife. There is a time and a place for partners to be present and if the Queen only had hours left to live that probably wasn't it. The important thing was for all of them to try and get there in time not, in the midst of all that was going on, have a discussion about why he could/couldn't bring his wife.

@LondonWolf
That's possible too. To be fair he strikes me as more of a quiet person anyway.