DDs keep arguing over the kitten and I am starting to regret getting it

[tess482]

We’ve had our kitten about 6 weeks now and I’m starting to wonder if getting her was a mistake.

DD1 is 12 and DD2 is 8 and they are constantly arguing over her. Who feeds her, who plays with her, who she sits with, whose room she should sleep in etc. I thought it would be something nice for them to share but it’s turned into a competition over who she likes best.

DD1 is very into animals and has been reading up on how to look after her properly. Which is good obviously but she has started correcting DD2 all the time and telling her she’s doing things wrong. DD2 gets upset and says her sister thinks the kitten belongs to her. I can see why she’s annoyed tbh as DD1 does tend to take over.

They’ve even started keeping score over who does more for her. DD1 says she’s the one who cleans the litter tray and remembers her food and water, DD2 says she plays with her more and gets all her toys out. If I tell them to take turns they argue about whether it’s fair.

Last night the kitten was sitting on DD2’s lap while we were watching telly and DD1 started saying she’d had her long enough and it was her turn. DD2 wouldn’t move her and then DD1 tried taking one of the kitten’s toys away which started a whole thing. I told them both to leave her alone for a bit and ended up keeping her downstairs rather than letting either of them take her to bed.

I know they’re only children and I don’t expect them to be perfect but it’s every single day now. The kitten is lovely and seems happy enough, she hasn’t been mistreated or anything, but half the time she just wanders off somewhere quiet while they’re arguing over her.

I’m a single mum and I honestly haven’t got the energy to referee this every evening. I have tried giving them separate jobs but now that’s another argument about who has the better jobs.

I’m starting to think maybe she’d be better off in a quieter home where she isn’t in the middle of all this. Feel awful even thinking about it as she’s only just settled in here and they both love her.

Would you give it more time or am I being daft considering rehoming her over sibling arguments? I don’t want to give up too easily but I can’t see this carrying on being fair on the kitten either.

Kittens tend to like a playmate. Is a second kitten an option?

I would tell them that hearing arguing is scary for the kitten and ask them ideas how to share her nicely. Explain that if they carry on you will have to consider finding her a more calm home.

2 kittens would solve all.

It's good that your DDs are taking pride in the less pleasant tasks such as cleaning the litter tray, but they need to stop thinking of this in terms of ownership and trying to control what the kitten does.

The kitten has its own will - it will go where it likes and as they've found, it will not like being in the middle of noisy arguments and people messing about with its toys.

They need to understand that forcing attention on the kitten is likely to drive it away.

I think their intentions are good and if they can develop a better understanding of how a kitten's mind works, everyone will be happier.

Rehoming the kitten because you can’t be bothered with your kids arguing is the wrong thing to do. I’d get another kitten, it’s often good for the kitten to have a play mate and it might help with arguments. Other than that, clamp down on the girls arguing like they are, don’t ditch your pet to avoid it

It’s an animal, not an item you can return to the shop because you’ve changed your mind. Train your children to behave themselves, rather than take it out on the poor cat.

You really need to have a 'nobody argues over the kitten' rule.

You need another kitten!

You should get another kitten. Kittens need a playmate.

You really should have got two op. Better for the pets and the daughters! Consider getting another asap.

Kittens should only ever be taken in pairs. Get another one.

What if both kittens prefer one daughter over the other. You need to put your foot down over this OP, rather than adding fuel to the fire.

Teach your kids that it is a sentient creature and not a toy to fight over. Draw up a rota for chores so it's fair and explain the kitten can chose where it sleeps and who/ how it plays. Set a rule that no one is to grab / move or wake a sleeping kitten.

Explain kittens will go where they feel safe and where there is something interesting, your DD need to make themselves appealing to the kitten by being quiet and approachable! The kitten will reward good behaviour!

Maybe re-homing is the only sensible alternative.

Re-home the daughters I mean, not the kitten obviously!

Only joking!

Get another

There is something awfully wrong with this post. No kitten photo!

The kitten is an animal, not a toy. Your children are both old enough to understand the difference between both. You need to tell both your daughter's that they are treating the kitten as a possession, that can be argued and fought over. It stops now. Draw up a rota of feeding/litter cleaning etc. The girls take turns. Playtime with the kitten is joint. If they can't play with the kitten together, then they will need to take turns. The kitten gets to decide where she wants to sleep, who with and for how long. They don't remove her from each other.

Yes, you could get a second kitten, as it would keep the first one company. The biggest issue is your children viewing the kitten as a possession rather than an animal.

Agree that the kitten gets to choose where she goes and shouldn’t be lifted/moved because somebody wants a cuddle. She’s not a toy. Make sure she always has somewhere to escape to for some peace and quiet.Get them to list out all the chores and take it in turns to pick one so that they have a list each. If necessary swap lists every week/month/whatever

If you’re already having doubts then jumping in to get another kitten isn’t something I’d recommend. It’s twice the cost and twice the responsibility and potentially the same amount of arguing.

You need to have a very firm conversation with the children. Set up a rota and have them alternate on jobs daily. That way there is no arguing about who fed it last.
As for the cuddles you need to explain to them that It’s an animal not a toy. It will get scared by and loud noises and it deserves peace and the freedom to choose where to spend its time. If you have to remove the kitten from them in order for this message to sink in so be it.

The kitten is not a thing to be passed over and shared like a bowl of popcorn. The kitten is a family member who gets to choose whose lap she wants to sleep on. I think your angle needs to be encouraging your daughters to acknowledge the kitten as being a living thing and a person in your family, not a toy.

Also, they will soon get over wanting to clean out the litter tray. Enjoy it while you can.

This would drive me mad! I think you need to think of a consequence that they really won't like (maybe losing screen time? Early bedtime?) and warning them that this will happen immediately as soon as you hear them arguing about the kitten as you're sick to death of it! Then follow through. Hopefully that should crack down on it.

They need boundaries. Can they have a kitten rota for the practical tasks eg litter tray, sorting food and swap weekly? I wouldn't have kitten in either bedroom until they behave better.
The 12 yo is old enough to be told to back off and let her sibling learn

You need to make it clear it’s not a toy and it’s a living, breathing animal that makes its own choices about where to sit and where to sleep. Set a rota for feeding/cleaning tasks. If they would like the kitten to sleep with them they can choose to leave their bedroom door ajar but it’s up to the cat where it goes. It shouldn’t be shut in a particular room or anything as it needs access to food and the litter tray.

am I being daft considering rehoming her

You have made the choice to bring the kitten into your home , warts and all.
Where did you get the kitten- did they not advice that a pair is best ?

The bottom line is , it is your kitten not your daughters . So you have the final say .
Adult cats can get up and walk away if they feel stressed . Kittens less so.

Once your kitten grows she will choose her favourite person.

In our house we have DH/DS/DD and me . The DC are adults .
Our cats are brother and sister .
The female loves DH and my DD bedroom.
The male loves DD and follows her about , leans on her , wraps his tail round her like a cheap suit .
They tolerate my DS (female likes his room )
We all do feeding , tray cleaning .
Both cats won;t give me time of day . They'd step over my corpse to get the Dreamies .
I don't mind being persona non grata but it stings a bit because I bloody chose them . And I had plenty of choice !

I don’t think a second kitten is a good idea at all.

it may not solve the issue, as pp has said if both kittens prefer one, or the one that “belongs” to the eldest prefers the younger.

add to that cats as adults very often don’t get on, especially if you don’t have a lot of space or they’re indoor. Having had two sibling kittens that hated each other in adulthood, with spraying and other stress behaviour, and were much happier in separate homes, I’d never advise it.

my current cat also hates other cats, and stops eating to the point of veterinary intervention if she’s near another cat.

they need to learn. Teach them to respect the cat privilege rule. The cat decides who it sits with, end of.

i suspect when the cat grows up they’ll be less interested anyway.