I've made a terrible mistake and my gorgeous cat suffered

[brainfog2026]

My cat, Minnie was 20 years old and slowly declining. I had her booked in to put her to sleep today at 11am. Last night, she started getting worse, meowing, floppy, obviously in pain. At 2am I rang around a few vets to see if I could take her in to put her to sleep sooner, and one place which is 25 mins away was £400 not £900, so I woke up my kids (13 and 16) to see if they wanted to come with - both fell back to sleep. My DH died 3 years ago, so I'm on my own and really didn't know what to do.
Minnie then settled and we slept together on the sofa. At 5.30am I woke up and she had deteriorated so I woke the kids for them to come with / say goodbye. Sadly, Minnie died about 20 minutes later in the car on the way to the vet, it looked awful as she was gasping for breath at the end, I felt terrible, I'd missed the chance for her to die naturally. She didn't deserve it.
To make it worse, when we got to the vet, the vet said I'd done the wrong thing and yes, she would have suffered. She went on about how this is why they recommend euthanasia and that they told me to bring her in, but I didn't.
I feel horrendous. My DH suffered terribly when he died. I should have known, it was my responsibility, I should have taken her in last night for a peaceful death. I am devastated. I have PTSD from my DH's death and I wanted Minnie to go to sleep, not suffer how she did. I don't know why I'm writing this here, but I guess to hear other experiences - I'm just trying not to beat myself up about it. Please please try not to be to harsh to me.

I'm still reading all your messages. Thank you.
She passed away on a sofa she had spent countless hours happily sprawled on over her lifetime, and then finally, in my DS's arms, who she adored. It was the complete opposite of my DH, who died after spending 5 months in ICU, with no-one there except me and a strange nurse, because no-one at the hospital thought to let me know that I should get my kids and other family there.

Someone once said to me that she wondered if my DH communicated me through Minnie (weird I know, but you know, always nice to think that). I am just absolutely heartbroken she's gone, but however painful it is, there is something beautiful about her death and that actually, it was how I wish my husband's would have been.

I must admit that having my darling girls put to sleep completely changed my views on euthanasia for humans. All of them had a beautiful peaceful and dignified death in the arms of the person who loved them most. Who wouldn’t want that for themselves.

@brainfog2026 , Minnie saved you £400+ and the vet did not like that. Where I live (big city), vets guilt-tripping pet owners is standard, especially if they're part of big practice, usually to get us to buy pet food or expensive medicine/treatment. You can't see it because it is hard for you to think straight at the moment (understandably). Things will get better I promise, and in the meantime don't pay attention to the vet's words. If you decide to adopt a new cat in the future, find another vet.