I've made a terrible mistake and my gorgeous cat suffered

[brainfog2026]

My cat, Minnie was 20 years old and slowly declining. I had her booked in to put her to sleep today at 11am. Last night, she started getting worse, meowing, floppy, obviously in pain. At 2am I rang around a few vets to see if I could take her in to put her to sleep sooner, and one place which is 25 mins away was £400 not £900, so I woke up my kids (13 and 16) to see if they wanted to come with - both fell back to sleep. My DH died 3 years ago, so I'm on my own and really didn't know what to do.
Minnie then settled and we slept together on the sofa. At 5.30am I woke up and she had deteriorated so I woke the kids for them to come with / say goodbye. Sadly, Minnie died about 20 minutes later in the car on the way to the vet, it looked awful as she was gasping for breath at the end, I felt terrible, I'd missed the chance for her to die naturally. She didn't deserve it.
To make it worse, when we got to the vet, the vet said I'd done the wrong thing and yes, she would have suffered. She went on about how this is why they recommend euthanasia and that they told me to bring her in, but I didn't.
I feel horrendous. My DH suffered terribly when he died. I should have known, it was my responsibility, I should have taken her in last night for a peaceful death. I am devastated. I have PTSD from my DH's death and I wanted Minnie to go to sleep, not suffer how she did. I don't know why I'm writing this here, but I guess to hear other experiences - I'm just trying not to beat myself up about it. Please please try not to be to harsh to me.

I’m sorry for your loss.
She reached age 20 so she clearly was cared for really well during her life. That 20 years is far more important than 12 hours.

It’s really difficult to make the decision to put them to sleep, and hard to judge when the right time is - cats don’t let on how sick they are, they often hide symptoms until the last moment so things can deteriorate very suddenly and unexpectedly. You aren’t the first person to wish they had the benefit of hindsight but you did what you felt was right at the time.

To other posters - please let’s not contribute to the harmful media narrative about vets. They said what they said to the OP because that was their interpretation of the situation, and that maybe the OP might be more prepared if a similar thing happens in the future with another pet - not because they’re somehow ‘bitter’ about missing out on £400. The money for euthanasia doesn’t go in their personal pocket, and they’re in the job because they care about animals.

God this thread is making me cry 😓

Sending hugs. Xx

I deleted cos was a reply to a deleted post

Sympathies.

Please be kind to yourself. Who knows how much your cat was enjoying her last few hours cuddling and settling on the sofa with you. 20 years is a wonderful age.

Genuinely appalled at the vet - you were only trying to do your best for the cat and your family in difficult circumstances. See how you feel in a few weeks, but I would be minded to say something to the practice so that the vet knows better next time.

Oh OP. I’m in tears reading this thread! I think you gave her the best final few hours she could have had after a long and wonderful life feeling so loved and cared for. Snuggled up with you is all she would have wanted, and you gave her that warmth and safety when she needed it most. Unconscionable behaviour from that vet; I’m utterly disgusted. I’m so so sorry you had to navigate that. Sending love x

This exactly. The same happened to our much beloved cat who was around 21 years old.

If I was in your position, I would have definitely kept kids off school etc.

Sorry for the loss of your husband also

You poor thing, OP. I am so sorry. I just lost my darling 19 1/2 year old cat, and your story has made me cry.

You absolutely did the right thing here. Your sweet girl spent her last night cuddled with you, and got to die in a safe place, just with the people whom she loved. Cats hate going to the vet, so I don't think, in this case, it would have been the right decision to take her out in the middle of the night to such a terrifying place, given that she died naturally just a few hours later.

Be kind to yourself- you gave her a wonderful loving life, and your vet was horrible. Anyone who talks like that to someone who was just bereaved is an unkind person, with terrible judgement- I would not trust the opinion of such a person.

You did your best for her. I don't think she suffered, she was with her person until the end, warm and safe. You made arrangements to have her pts, you couldn't have foreseen how it would turn out.

That vet was horrible and wrong.

How dare the vet say that to you. When you feel stronger could you think about making a complaint?
Lovely lovely Minnie knew that she was loved, she had a lovely snuggle on the sofa with you.
And the next time some arsehole comes on here bitching about somebody having a day off work because their pet died I will direct them to this thread.

Oh so sorry. Focus on the 20 years of love she received- she had a great life and was clearly loved xx

I’m so sorry the vet said that to you, that is just awful. Losing a pet is never easy no matter the circumstances

like others I believe you did the right thing. 25 minutes is a while in the car and the stress of that won’t have helped her. I believe you did the right thing for your sweet girl, she died surrounded by so much love. It would have been much worse for you if she’d gone in the car on the way in the night x

Minnie sounds lovely, as do you! Please don't worry about your choice, I think you did the right thing - the fact she rested with you shows she wasn't in any great pain. I've seen cats (and humans!) die naturally and the gasping is quite normal, her body was just shutting down.

Remember she had 20 wonderful years, the last part is just a short time in a long happy life! Take time to grieve your loss x

OP your love for your sweet girl shines off your posts, so i can only imagine how loved and adored she was for her long lovely life with you. And to spend her last night cuddled up on the sofa with you, how wonderful. You were with her when she passed, echoing other posters cats can deteriorate very quickly, so you being with her at all, is a stroke of luck, even if it doesnt feel like it right now. Im so sorry to hear you lost your DH, and I understand how hard it must be to be making these decisions solo. You did what you could under the circumstances and you already had her booked in to be put to sleep, and tried to get her in sooner, a lot of people wouldnt have even known to do that much, you did your best by your girl, dont you worry.

I’m sorry for your loss and I’m sorry for what the vet said to you. It sounds like she had a wonderful life with you and was surrounded by the people who loved her when she died. I don’t think you did anything wrong. It’s so hard to know when the right time is because they can deteriorate really quickly or rally again. It sounds like you had a lovely last night together and she was ready to go.
Edit to add you could post a photo of Minnie if it would help ❤️

Please don’t put yourself through this. You were with her this would have given her comfort by itself. Fuck that vet they are bang out of order

Your vet is a c*nt. it’s not abnormal for an animal to die of old age, and the vets euthanasia would have taken what, 2.5 - 3 hours away from the natural timeline?

You poor thing. Your post has made me feel very sad. My cousin is a vet and would never speak to anybody like that. It’s not your fault. I bet most people wouldn’t be calling a vet at 2am so you are clearly a very kind person and cared deeply for your cat. Your cat is at peace now. If it was old age related, she may not necessarily have suffered as she might have been mostly unconscious?

Hindsight is 20/20. I’m certain the years of love and care meant much more to Minnie, please remember all the good bits and don’t beat yourself up about it.

You are all lovely and I thank you for taking the time to reply to me.
Everything feels so hard all the time for me, so to feel like I've caused my lovely cat suffering, when she's given me so much over the years, when it might have been unnecessary is such a kick in the teeth. The vet really wasn't backing down in her "honesty", even after my son and I both asked her to be more sympathetic - which I have to think says more about her, then about my decision.
Minnie was always one to stubbornly make her own choices - and I suppose she really did last night.
I can't thank you enough.

That is a horrible thing for the vet to say-they are probably just disappointed they lost out on the money.
Your lovely Minnie was loved, warm and with you when she died. That is all you can possibly give her.

You didn’t do the wrong thing. While there is a humane argument for putting pets to sleep, we don’t allow it for people and it isn’t natural. You gave her the best, safest final hours. When we got our pets put down I waited longer than the vet recommended but only did it when I knew we couldn’t wait any longer, but I didn’t want to know we’d taken any good, snuggly hours from them.

I know if I had to pick between a peaceful death and a few more hours cuddling with my family then a slightly uncomfortable death, I’d pick the cuddles every time - and I’m sure Minnie would have too.

I think you did the right thing, she ended her life in comfort, at home, with you, rather than being put in a carrier and driven away. I'm sorry the vet was so awful but please be reassured you did nothing wrong. RIP Minnie.

Sympathies OP. You did your best for your cat - the sofa cuddles will be a good memory in time.
It must have been very difficult for you; lone parent now, two children, middle of the night, your distress. I feel the odds were stacked against you. Don't beat yourself up.
My childhood cat cried all the way to the vet (had to walk; no car or direct bus) we blamed ourselves for not getting there fast enough. Broke my mum's heart

When you feel stronger, it might help you to feedback to the vet practice about the vet's comments- which were not helpful to the owner of a beloved pet

Absolutely this 100%