I've made a terrible mistake and my gorgeous cat suffered

[brainfog2026]

My cat, Minnie was 20 years old and slowly declining. I had her booked in to put her to sleep today at 11am. Last night, she started getting worse, meowing, floppy, obviously in pain. At 2am I rang around a few vets to see if I could take her in to put her to sleep sooner, and one place which is 25 mins away was £400 not £900, so I woke up my kids (13 and 16) to see if they wanted to come with - both fell back to sleep. My DH died 3 years ago, so I'm on my own and really didn't know what to do.
Minnie then settled and we slept together on the sofa. At 5.30am I woke up and she had deteriorated so I woke the kids for them to come with / say goodbye. Sadly, Minnie died about 20 minutes later in the car on the way to the vet, it looked awful as she was gasping for breath at the end, I felt terrible, I'd missed the chance for her to die naturally. She didn't deserve it.
To make it worse, when we got to the vet, the vet said I'd done the wrong thing and yes, she would have suffered. She went on about how this is why they recommend euthanasia and that they told me to bring her in, but I didn't.
I feel horrendous. My DH suffered terribly when he died. I should have known, it was my responsibility, I should have taken her in last night for a peaceful death. I am devastated. I have PTSD from my DH's death and I wanted Minnie to go to sleep, not suffer how she did. I don't know why I'm writing this here, but I guess to hear other experiences - I'm just trying not to beat myself up about it. Please please try not to be to harsh to me.

Was it brutal honesty? It was beyond brutal honesty and was deliberately unkind and unnecessary.

Do we say that about humans when they die naturally? Of course we don't.

Last breaths are always laboured from what I know but usually the animal loses consciousness at this point, its just a reflex. I doubt she was aware.

What an awful vet. One of the practices owned by a big chain? They’re all profit over care.

You did your best OP. Your beloved cat was with her family and if not instant, her decline was still mercifully quick. Please be kind to yourself. And find a new vet.

I'm so sorry. You did the right thing when she rallied a bit, I think. Disregard what the vet (who lost £400 for giving an injection) said. Sending you hugs xx

If I went to OP’s vet with my pets, I would want to know they behaved like this, so I could change to a different one.

Maybe leave some reviews online OP (if and when you feel like it).

So sorry to read about your lovely Minnie.
I think that what the vet said was cruel, inappropriate and unnecessary. I’ve been a human Macmillan nurse and also worked in animal rescue. I’ve been with both people and animals, as they have died. The gasping for breath is an entirely normal part of the dying process and is not painful, although it can look horrible to watch. It doesn’t mean that she was suffering.
Personally, I think that at this stage it was kinder for
Minnie to die at home, with those she loved, rather than be taken out on a long journey in the cold to a vet. You could argue that this would be unkind too.
You have nothing to be ashamed of OP.
We often think of death as something that ‘shouldn’t happen’ but of course it’s a natural end to life for us all. It sounds like Minnie had a wonderful life and if I may say so, a peaceful end to her life in the arms of those she loved. We can’t ask more than that.
Sending love x

What an awful thing for a vet to say. You did your best and she may well have not suffered. Ive seen two cats die naturally and both were unconscious in the lead up to death.

I'm sorry to hear about your husband - it's natural the cat's death will trigger unpleasant memories, but try to remember all the good times you had with Minnie. She's at peace now.

It’s not ‘brutal honestly’ it’s unnecessary, unkind and quite likely, incorrect. I say this as someone who has been a palliative care nurse and spent years working in animal rescue too, voluntarily.
These situations are never simple and we make the best decision we can. Would taking a dying cat in the cold on a long trip to the vet when she might be frightened and confused be any kinder? I suspect not.
The real issue is that the vet lost a chance to make
money.

OP I was present last year when my stepmother died in a hospice, and the wonderful staff there explained what was happening at every stage. The gasping at the end is a normal part of dying and the patient is completely unaware by that point. We were reassured that our loved one had died peacefully and without suffering. The breathing pattern in the last moments didn’t change that.

Please don’t go back to that arsehole of a vet. They had no right to speak to you like that, it was cruel and unprofessional. I’m so sorry about Minnie.

Minnie loved you all of her little life and you loved her all of yours and that's what matters.

Cheyne-Stokes breathing OP. A natural process, distressing to watch but said to be painless. My dear old Mum had it and I know she had a peaceful death.
Shocking of the Vet to say what they did.
Sorry you've lost your lovely, old girl and said goodbye to another link to your husband.

Hi OP

I'm so sorry for your loss. Something similar happened to me- I delayed having my cat PTS and he then died in the vet's waiting room.

I agree with others that those last breaths don't mean that a cat is distressed. Laboured breaths are very common at the end of life, for cats and humans. It would maybe have been easier for you if your cat had died at the vet's because that's how you had imagined it happening but it's likely that your cat would not have been aware either way and wouldn't have suffered- she had a quick death with someone she loved nearby, these are the key things and the things we would all want.

All we can do is make the best decisions we can with the information we have.

It’s true we don’t euthanise humans, but thankfully in human medicine we have access to palliative care, morphine syringe drivers and other advanced methods of alleviation. In animal medicine these things don’t really exist, so our only option to prevent ongoing suffering is euthanasia. The equivalent here to a human death would be to not call an ambulance or arrange palliative care at the end.

I'm really sorry to hear this. Losing a pet is always awful and I completely understand that the loss is made worse by memories of your bereavement. Your vet was in the wrong to speak the way they did. Let me tell you, instead, what my vet said to me when I had to have my dog PTS last year. She said, in her experience, every single good owner thinks they chose the wrong time. They either think they went too early and denied their pet extra time, or they think they went too late and caused their pet suffering. She said this happens without fail, every single time. And she told me to give myself grace and remember that I'd given my pet the best possible life - and now I say the same to you.
I'm going to try to add a link if MN will let me. Blue Cross offers support and counselling after pet loss - by phone, email or chat. It is a good service and may be of help to you. www.bluecross.org.uk/pet-loss-support

@brainfog2026 - I am 100% sure that you made the best decision you could, under the circumstances, and you clearly loved your cat very deeply. I think you did the right thing at the time, and I’m sending you a massive hug right now.

How is it incorrect? The OP had the option to take the cat in for euthanasia and avoid several hours of suffering, but she chose not to.

You know nothing about vets. This vet in question is very likely just an employee on a peanuts salary, it won’t have made any difference to her paycheque whether the cat was taken in or not. She just cares more about the animal’s welfare than she does the owner’s feelings. Just needs some further training / people skills for sure.

@ProfessionalPirate Are you the vet involved? You share her inability to keep quiet if you have nothing kind to say.

Stupid vet. You loved your cat and I’m sure she enjoyed those last snuggles with you as much as you did. It would have been very comforting for her

Ah yes of course, if someone disagrees with you they must be the perpetrator involved.

Several people on this thread have accused the vet of simply being cross about missing out on the euthanasia fee, which is ridiculous. I think the should have been more tactful and kept her thoughts to herself, but she will have said what she did out of frustration and sadness for the animal.

I'm sorry OP. It sounds like Minnie was much loved and also had a nice moment with you on the sofa before she passed.
Ignore that vet. They are being unnecessarily horrible and they have no idea to be honest

Horrible, horrible vet. I'd put in a complaint.
You did what you felt was right at the time and Minnie would have loved you for that.

Wow that vet ???

you sound like an incredibly loving and caring cat mum - you do the absolutely best thing you could -
no one has a crystal ball -
xx

Awww op. Please dont torture yourself 😔 i dont think youve done anything wrong here.

The vet is a solid gold twat. Be glad your lovely Minnie died in the car and not in this dickheads surgery. When youre ready a complaint about their appalling attitude might feel cathartic xx

I'm so sorry OP and glad to see so many messages supporting you. I think you did absolutely the best you could in impossible circumstances and that Minnie would much rather have spent those last hours snuggled up with you then being frightened and confused in an unfamiliar environment. Be gentle with yourself - things will get easier in time you just need to hang on in there. xx

My cat also passed like this in the car and its horrible but she was still near you and she was loved. Please dont punish yourself xx the vet is being unreasonable