Do your cats have alternative/parallel lives that only exist to you?

[Snooks1971]

Hear me out. So, we have always had cats, we are quite oldish. We indulge their cat whims.

Our current 2 rescues have evolved during the last 18 months, these are their parallel lives:

Cat 1: seems to like living here in the height of luxury, however, he is holding out to be further adopted by Elton John and becoming a god parent to one of Elton’s kids. He knows Liz Hurley. Says he has David Furnish’s phone number.

Cat 2 : He’s a lot smaller but he thinks he’s very masculine. He’s a member of a Heavy Metal band that are resting at the moment. His tail is bigger than Cat 1 and he knows it. His small sparkly toy cat balls are his offspring and he brings them to his food saucer.

Very aware we need to get out more!

Mentioned this thread to my mum, and she reminded me that their cat has a whole network of cat friends. (They are all long dead, so not sure how that works) and a hotline to the Great Cat. 😂🙄😹

My cat also runs a bakery but has been finding it tough in the current economy.

@tortietimestwo That is a great business idea. Perhaps he could present it on Dragon's Den . I would definitely invest in that .

You should hear dh voicing MrCat. MrCat is a big bruiser, timid of human crowds but loves attention, and the top cat in our area.

According to dh, MrCat speaks in a rapid, high-pitched crooning sort of voice, a bit like a sped-up Wallace (of and Grommet fame). When other people look at MrCat and think he is plotting to kill us, dh pipes up with “I-love-you!-Would-you-like-to-look-at-my-bottom?”

”If-you-troooOOOoooly-loved-me-you-would-give-me-caviar.”

Our previous tuxedo lady again, she used to go to cat discos at the weekend with the ginger from over the road and the boy cat who lived round the corner. They used to travel to the cat nightclub via a series of underground tunnels.
The only problem was that us owners had to arrange their meet ups, so I would message my cat owner friend around the corner, “hi, is boy cat out tonight, Tuxedo cat is asking” and my friend would reply “yes, he’s had a shower and just putting his aftershave on, should be ready by 8”.

I think this is one of the reasons we are friends (both batshit).

Rosie is like Meghan Markle, a professional victim. Look at me, I'm so alluring and sexy and DON'T YOU DARE GIVE ANYONE ELSE ATTENTION OR I'LL KILL THEM.

Very unnecessary comment on an otherwise enjoyable thread. 😒

The late Magic was in a LDR with Pinksparklypussycat’s Harry. Penelope is now in one with her new kitten. Although he’s 6 months old and bigger than her. Not sure about the age gap. 😂

Ok I was just comparing my cat to Meghan Markle, sorry if it offended you.

I just consulted Rosie and she agrees it was an unnecessary comment. She identifies more as a Queen of Cats and not a duchess.

Fair play to Rosie @YelramBob I’m glad you are listening to her

Highly paws-ible?

I love what you did there 🥰
Anyway, she passed away age 21 with a huge mouse farm empire, we imagine that every mouse in the UK can now trace its hereditary lineage back to one of her farms.
Obviously, she never left us a penny in her Cat Will.

edit for cat typo

Yeah I wonder why I never see any of the income from the successful cat bakery! They're good at that aren't they, sponging off us while they squirrel away their earnings.

My cats are no longer with us but one of my
boys was a musician. A serious violinist and big lover of classical music. He was pure black, not a speck of white on him! He has long legs, arms and a beautiful long tail. He was very elegent. He got into a posh cat boarding school but we didnt send him in the end as he got too homesick.

We got his little brother later on and he was the total opposite. Didnt have an ear for music whatsoever! Spent a lot lf time watching trashy TV.

@tortietimestwo absolutely! Spongers! It’s the same now, I head off to work to keep them in the lap of luxury.
I have a friend of many years whose cat used to run a successful haulage company.

Awww similar to our beautiful 2 black rescue boys. God, I love them to bits 🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛

“a serious violinist”
Thank you 😊

Girly cat and I wfh. She has her own laptop (my realllyyyy old one that I should dispose of).

I tried to sneak up on her to check what she’s working on but she’s very secretive and this got my spidey senses tingly. One day my worst fears were confirmed, she was in front of the laptop, camera on, nibbling her toe beans. She's on Only Paws 🙁I tried to have a conversation with her but understand she’s an adult with her own mind at 49 years. Disappointing though, I thought I brought her up well with everything she could ever want - boxes, plastic bags, scrunched up paper but it’s not enough apparently.

My fur boy is actually full time employed as local neighbourhood watch representative and not appreciating the amount of snow in his usual spot on top of the next door shed .
He’s also fully responsible for me looking like shit most of the time as we wakes me at 1am .. then maybe again around 4 am for absolutely no reason whatsoever
I’m supposed to be grateful - he’s just told me I had sleep apnea.

oh yes!

Cat 1 - waiting for us to open a roast chicken restaurant, and shows her continued displeasure at our lack of enterprise by glaring at us. We would be more daunted by this experience if she wasn't slightly cross-eyed.

Cat 2 - genuinely believes that we are unable to sleep unless he provides one or the other of us with a large, soft, furry pillow. It is his sole purpose in life. Apart from wanting to sit on the door mat with the front door slightly ajar so he can rule over the neighbourhood from a slightly elevated (and nicely-framed) position. Like an urban Lion King.

Cat 3 - Shape-shifting will-o'-the-wisp who can vanish into and out of another dimension at will. I am not joking.

But is Cat 3 any good at the magical reappearance? Mine are not; they get kicked or trodden on more than any cat I have ever had in my life. They are SUDDENLY underfoot. I now understand why. Thank you.

😍
He is very good at the magical reappearance. You can let him out and watch him walk down the garden path. Look away for a millisecond and back again and he's gone. Completely disappeared. You then close the door, and find him in the kitchen.