Our cat has chosen another home - but the home doesn’t want her and the lady is angry

[MaggieSP]

In November last year, our cat went missing for 3 weeks. We were reunited through a lady on Facebook who posted in the lost and found pets page. She had wandered quite far! It’s about a 15 minute walk away, I had no idea she went that far!

Because the lady had seen her hanging around her garden day and night in all weather, she assumed she was lost so started feeding her and providing shelter while she tried to find who she belonged to.

When I got her back, I kept her in for a while but she doesn’t cope well with that at all and was very stressed and not herself. Crying day and night etc but I wanted to make sure she knew that was her home still. Since then she has been back to that house twice, and the woman who lives there is not happy at all. My cat isn’t a pest, she isn’t doing anything wrong but she wants to go inside. She said all she can hear while trying to watch TV is my cat meowing on her wall over and over again. She tries to ignore her but it gets annoying so she gives in, or she ends up feeling sorry for her if she’s sat outside in the rain. My cat will just sit outside her back door waiting for her to open it. I have suggested that she just ignores her because eventually she will come back home, or for her to text me and soon as she sees her and I will come over and collect her.

However my cat has been missing again for just over a week. I put posts on Facebook etc and just assumed that if she’d made her way back to the other lady’s house, she would’ve told me. I messaged her anyway, and she said my cat has been at hers every day. I asked her why she didn’t tell me but she said it’s my responsibility to check and that I’m going to have to keep my cat indoors because she doesn’t want to take ownership. I said she has been missing for over a week so how has she survived? Lo and behold.. she was feeding her! Why not just message me to come and get her?!

How do I handle this situation? I don’t know what to do. She is 7 years old and loves to be outside and exploring, I can’t take that away from her, it’s not fair to her and she wouldn’t cope. I really feel like it’s down to the other person to just stop feeding her and ignore her and she will come back home. I understand it’s hard and it does sound annoying to have her hanging around the house crying, but if she perseveres she will surely give up and come home?

How tricky! Do you know why your cat isn't happy? Do you have small children/dogs/other cats?

This woman has zero right to complain if she has kept feeding her despite knowing she has a home!! What does she expect to happen?

She needs to stop feeding her and ignore the miaowing. She has created her own problem.

Can’t stand people who feed other people’s cats.

No we don’t have any other pets or children. She seems happy when she is here, she also visits a couple of other houses on the street but they don’t feed her so she just goes in to say hello and have a cuddle and then leaves again. I just can’t stop her keep going back

The other person needs to stop feeding her and letting her in if they don't want her. It's not rocket science!

If the silly woman keeps feeding her, what does she expect? Knock on her door twice daily asking if she’s got your cat until she gets sick of it and does the right thing.

It is your responsibility to keep track of your cat. Keep it indoors. Get a catio. Install cat proof fencing. All of these are options. If you let the cat wander, you have no control and need to accept the consequences of your choice.

If this woman calls you every time the cat shows up, are you prepared to come collect it or are you going to tell her you expect the cat will wander home eventually.

GPS collar or implant?

It’s your responsibility. I’d be annoyed if a cat turned up and started pushing to come in, meowing, and generally being a nuisance.

Your cat is being a pest. Constant crying at the back door to be let in is annoying.

You yourself got fed up of the crying to be let out after a short time.

I'd take her to the vet and ask for anti anxiety medication so you can keep her inside long enough that she resettles at your home.

Find out what food the other woman has been feeding her and give her the same.
Give her lots of treats, new toys, attention.

Make it so she wants to stay with you.

Next time she goes missing, contact the woman on day 1 instead of leaving it a while week.

Cats don't understand property or indeed care if they inconvenience others. She's made a rod for her own back and there's no reason for you to deprive your cat of its liberty because she lacks sense. If she ignores and stops actively encouraging your cat by feeding it, the problem solves itself

You saying you can’t keep the cat in because she’s crying doesn’t trump the other woman’s complaint that the cat is crying at her doorstep. Both are annoying, but it’s your cat.

If you can’t keep your cat in, you need to get your garden complete cat-proofed to keep her on your property.

So you don’t like listening to your cat and therefore leave it outside to roam free and annoy others. 15 minutes away from your house is quite the distance! Be a responsible cat owner and sort your cat out!

Blimey OP. What a nightmare situation. My cat would probably rather die than be kept inside, so I understand. You really should go looking for your cat a lot sooner than a week though! I'd be going spare if he was mine. Get a tracker thingy and go collect him as soon as you see he's at the neighbours house. Buy your neighbour a box of chocolates, apologise and tell her not to let him in or feed him. Tell her how you are trying to resolve the situation. Give the cat lots of treats, toys and cuddles at home.

All of this post.

Is this woman really saying it is less effort to feed a cat that isn’t her own than to send you a quick text? Of course if she feeds him he’s going to keep coming back!

Tell her to stop feeding your cat. If she doesn’t then give her some costs for petplan, insurance etc. she would quickly contact to retrieve your cat if there were any costs involved

Are you in the UK? If yes I assume chipped? Again give her the costs of getting the microchip details changed to hers

if she doesn’t want this get her a water pistol to spray near your cat when it comes in her garden and again remind her not to feed it!

Second the GPS collar - absolute game changer. You can draw a virtual fence so that you get an alert if the cat leaves the area.

you need to cat proof your garden, one day she will get completely lost or run over

But she’s feeding the cat so what the fuck does she expect. If she stops feeding it it will leave.

You're both to blame really. She shouldn't have fed the cat and taken it in and you should have had a tracker on it (we have aTractive on our dog and my friend has one on her cat) so you could see where it was and gone and got it back straightaway. Alternatively, I would suggest cat proofing your garden.

Tell the lady to stop feeding your cat and to throw water at her if she turns up at her door crying. She needs to clearly signal to the cat that she’s not welcome. Fill a little spray bottle with water and take it round to the woman to spray at the cat.

Reminds me of a conversation I had with a friend when we were in sixth form:-

Her:- I wish X would realise that I don’t want to go out with him
Me:- I wonder if the fact that at every party you get drunk then snog him is making it hard for him to get the message

Cats go where they are fed.

Find out what she's feeding the cat - watch to that food for a while.
It may be as simple as preferring the food.

I would say to her that if she keeps feeding the cat it's going to keep coming back

Buy the woman one of those cat deterrent sprinklers or sound things off amazon. Thats all you can do really.

Buy a super soaker water pistol. Go round to the lady's house, show her how it works, and tell her to use it on your cat every time the cat visits. The cat needs to be persuaded that she is not welcome there.

Incidentally, is there anything about your own home you can think of that your cat finds displeasing?