Our cat has chosen another home - but the home doesn’t want her and the lady is angry

[MaggieSP]

In November last year, our cat went missing for 3 weeks. We were reunited through a lady on Facebook who posted in the lost and found pets page. She had wandered quite far! It’s about a 15 minute walk away, I had no idea she went that far!

Because the lady had seen her hanging around her garden day and night in all weather, she assumed she was lost so started feeding her and providing shelter while she tried to find who she belonged to.

When I got her back, I kept her in for a while but she doesn’t cope well with that at all and was very stressed and not herself. Crying day and night etc but I wanted to make sure she knew that was her home still. Since then she has been back to that house twice, and the woman who lives there is not happy at all. My cat isn’t a pest, she isn’t doing anything wrong but she wants to go inside. She said all she can hear while trying to watch TV is my cat meowing on her wall over and over again. She tries to ignore her but it gets annoying so she gives in, or she ends up feeling sorry for her if she’s sat outside in the rain. My cat will just sit outside her back door waiting for her to open it. I have suggested that she just ignores her because eventually she will come back home, or for her to text me and soon as she sees her and I will come over and collect her.

However my cat has been missing again for just over a week. I put posts on Facebook etc and just assumed that if she’d made her way back to the other lady’s house, she would’ve told me. I messaged her anyway, and she said my cat has been at hers every day. I asked her why she didn’t tell me but she said it’s my responsibility to check and that I’m going to have to keep my cat indoors because she doesn’t want to take ownership. I said she has been missing for over a week so how has she survived? Lo and behold.. she was feeding her! Why not just message me to come and get her?!

How do I handle this situation? I don’t know what to do. She is 7 years old and loves to be outside and exploring, I can’t take that away from her, it’s not fair to her and she wouldn’t cope. I really feel like it’s down to the other person to just stop feeding her and ignore her and she will come back home. I understand it’s hard and it does sound annoying to have her hanging around the house crying, but if she perseveres she will surely give up and come home?

That doesn't mean the owners have to be inconsiderate assholes though and let their cats cause problems for others.

I'm not referring to the op's situation as the other woman has brought that on herself.

Cats are a law unto themselves. I have two. One is like a tramp and insists on sleeping in the garden. The other on my bed. We also have a daily visitor and despite not feeding him (I know who his owner is) he still arrives every day and tries to get in. I don’t have any advice because the cat will do whatever it wants. But maybe you and the other lady should meet and have a plan of action that you both agree on. Good luck!

Get an air tag collar so you know where she is, but be prepared to need replacements if it's anything like my cat!

I have seven cats. I had nine. When one of them was hit by a car and died on the 2nd of January all of the others immediately became indoor cats. The few who had never been outside due to being young aren’t affected. I lost another one of my babies a couple of months later at the age of 16 due to a saddle thrombus and after a life of being an outdoor cat he didn’t react at all to being an indoor cat from January onwards. My cats who had previously been able to go out daily and through the night have adapted very well. They love having so much of my attention and are bonding with each other in a way they wouldn’t have done if they were still allowed to go out. Some of them had been going out for years and they’ve easily adjusted to being indoor only. If my multiple cats can adjust so well to being indoor only within less than 5 months you should really give yours a prolonged decent chance. One of mine was a six dinner sid. My now oldest who has completely accepted the change is 8. In my case, yes mine want to be outside but they have accepted being indoors completely. And it’s such a comfort to me that none of them will be hit by a car or suffer anything else outside. Yes, they’ll have a preference but it’s not hard to meet all of their needs at home in various ways. If you don’t want to take it away from her you’ll have to pay for a catio or do as I have done. She is your responsibility and the buck really does stop with you not letting her have access to other houses.
None of mine are unhappy being grounded, they just adapted to the situation.

We cat-proofed most of our garden 2 years ago and its a game-changer! We've added enrichment to the garden gradually over that time too (decking planks on the fence as shelves. built a wooden platform in the fork of a small sumac tree etc & planted cat-safe plants/bushes. We do have a blind foster cat so that was the main attraction but now I know both my cats are safe and happy I wouldn't go back to free-roamjng in the future I don't think. I've also added tons more cat trees and shelves inside the house and spend a lot of time with my cats. They were both strays I adopted and they seem perfectly content.

This happened to our neighbours, from the other point of view. A cat who lived a few doors down was getting bullied by the other cat in his household, and started hanging out at theirs. They didn't want another cat (theirs had just died recently), but they fed him and let him in and he was happy as Larry. This went on for a year or so and then the cat got sick and our neighbours went around to the cat's owners and told them he needed a vet. They basically shrugged and said nowt to do with us, we never see him. He's your cat now.

So that's how they ended up with another cat. 🤣 They had him for 10 more years.

If a cat visits my garden I will offer her food, a cat can be hungry or lost without looking unkempt and a cat won't eat if she doesn't want to and won't necessarily be a returning habit. If a cat prefers another home, tough! Cats are not dogs, you cannot buy their affection with food. If your cat goes outside you must accept your cat might get fed elsewhere or go and eat other pets food or return full of eating birds and mice that you didn't seem tackle.
You need to get Tractiv or similar GPS tracking collar thingy or ask her in all seriousness if she will take in the cat or put her up for adoption to rehome her because she clearly doesn't want to be with you for some reason.

To answer a few questions, I feed her whiskas (not great, I know but I have tried her on other things and she doesn’t eat them) and this other woman has been giving her dry food. Not sure what brand. We have the same kind of home, two people, no kids.

I really like the tracker idea. I’m tempted to get one but I’m not sure she would keep it on because I have tried her with collars in the past and she won’t keep them on. She absolutely hates them and will launch herself in the air and fling herself about trying to get it off.

I went to pick her up last night after work and the woman told me I should get a catio. I was polite but she was so clearly annoyed at me. I don’t really see the point in a catio. My cat doesn’t want to just sit in the breeze staring into the back. She wants to roam around. She wants to climb trees and chase leaves, explore the neighbourhood, visit her other cat friends, and do cat things! If she was causing havoc like pooing in peoples gardens, digging up plants, killing wildlife etc then I might consider moving to a house with a nice garden and cat proofing it. But she isn’t actually doing anything wrong. How can I take her freedom away from her when as far as I am concerned, the other woman is to blame for encouraging her. She says she tries not to feed her but after a day feels like she must be so hungry and gives in because she feels bad for her. JUST MESSAGE ME TO COME AND GET HER THEN!

PLEASE STOP FEEDING OTHER PEOPLE'S CATS!!!!!!! My cat has a food allergy and people keep feeding her just because she sat in a garden for a bit.

I'd tell her that you will have to contact the police if she keeps feeding your cat as you are interpreting it as her trying to steal your cat, which is an offence. I would give her a note through her door, and take a pic so you have proof/a copy, with your request in writing - to not feed the cat. If she ignores I would honestly log it with the police.

Tell her to buy a sonic cat detterant or get it foe her yourself.
In the meantime, you need to up the time & attention you give to your cat - treats, games, affection - bonding time.
Is it seeking peace & quiet? Ensure you provide it.

I wonder how annoyed this woman really is! It's pretty easy to ignore a cat that doesn't belong to you, even if they meow. She could have chased her away so that she doesn't want to visit any more. Feeding her is encouraging her!

Both my cats would absolutely eat whenever they were offered food as both were strays and both are greedy & very food-motivated. I'm currently winning over my foster kittens by hand-feeding them cooked chicken so you are wrong if you don't think cats remember who gives them the nice food. Kindly please don't feed cats that come into your garden the minute they appear! They could be on a special diet for all you know. If they are thin/bedraggled/injured then of course please feed them then take to the nearest vet for a microchip scan. It's great to always offer fresh water to any cats that visit your garden of course 👏

Oh I agree with that - however in some cases cats become extremely stressed and distressed if they are kept confined. Some are fine, but there are a few that go stir crazy if they aren't allowed out at all. Which is why I suggested the water pistol treatment upthread for the neighbour to use instead. The cat needs to be persuaded to stay away from that house, and this is the best way to do it (I've had cats for nearly 60 years).

And it that situation the owner should be telling the victim of the cat to do that and possibly even providing the water pistol.

It's the "Shrug, what can you do? Cats will just wander" attitude that pisses me off.

The cat obviously prefers the food it is fed at other house. Ask which cat food it is then buy that one.

This woman has created a problem for herself by feeding the cat and taking it in. She needs to stop this for the cat to understand it’s not welcome. I think you maybe need to be frank with her and tell her she has to take measures to stop the cat coming back. So she has to stop feeding her and letting her indoors. Spray water bottles, citrus or lavender plants etc. Take these things to this neighbour, it shows your being proactive. Reiterate about her contacting you as soon as she shows up etc.

Please don’t force your cat to stay inside not only will this cause stress to the cat it can also cause medical issues too. A tracker may be a good idea for you too, although ensure you use an easy release collar. That way you can collect her when she disappears.

I also think if this is new behaviour (her staying away for so long) means something at home is bothering her. Have you had work done? Have neighbours had work done? Roadworks? Has she been left alone more often or for longer periods? Tension at home? Small insignificant things can upset them (talking from a vet brain). Cats can be known to be drama queens.

What is the other person feeding her? Is it different from the food that you give her? My cat left home for a couple of weeks and I eventually found her and coaxed her home. I make sure she always has food available all the time and when she comes in, I give her her favourite treats. She loves Lick y Lix, Webbox Cat Sricks and various Felix and Whiskers biscuit treats. So she always had a reason to come home. Oh and lots of attention too, chatting to her and stroking her where she likes it and avoid touching her where she doesn't like it, in her case she likes her back and chin fussed but not her head. And yes, the other person should stop feeding her , but have you asked her what she's giving her? If she doesn't have a cat of her own, she might be giving her tuna or something similar. Cats mustn't have tuna in brine. It's very bad for their kidneys and can cause renal problems and you will have the vet bill as a result and your lovely cat will suffer.

This! Why does she think the cat keeps returning! Honestly 🙄
tell her in no uncertain terms she absolutely must not feed the cat as this is what’s causing the problem… hopefully it will get through eventually…

From this, it looks like your kitty likes dry food, so why not get some so she has what she likes at home? One of mine prefers dry food and another one would rather starve than eat it. I give mine wet food as well so she has a bit of everything.

If you feed a cat, you have to be prepared to be adopted. She brought it on herself.

You need to keep your cat in for longer before you let her out again. Even if she is annoying it won’t hurt her. Then very firmly tell the lady not to let her in or feed her.

Tricky. We’ve got a cat that’s adopted our home, or would like to, despite never feeding her, but have given her affection, and she’s lovely, so very welcome. We tried not letting her in even for months, over winter too, at the owner’s request, cat just hid where she could in our garden. Her canteen and medical clinic is 5 doors down, that seems to be about it.

The woman has created a bit of a rod for herself, but even if she stops feeding the cat, there’s no guarantee. The cat should stop meowing though if it learns it doesn’t get it what it wants.

Cats are free spirits though 🤷‍♀️ Agree, she should let you know if the wants the cat removed!

Have you tried a weight adjustable cat collar for a tracker? The Tractive cat tracker comes with one, depending on her weight it might help? Sadly we can't explain we are doing things for their benefit. All I can suggest is reminding the neighbour that everytime she gives in & feeds your cat, she encourages another return.

Exactly!