Our cat has chosen another home - but the home doesn’t want her and the lady is angry

[MaggieSP]

In November last year, our cat went missing for 3 weeks. We were reunited through a lady on Facebook who posted in the lost and found pets page. She had wandered quite far! It’s about a 15 minute walk away, I had no idea she went that far!

Because the lady had seen her hanging around her garden day and night in all weather, she assumed she was lost so started feeding her and providing shelter while she tried to find who she belonged to.

When I got her back, I kept her in for a while but she doesn’t cope well with that at all and was very stressed and not herself. Crying day and night etc but I wanted to make sure she knew that was her home still. Since then she has been back to that house twice, and the woman who lives there is not happy at all. My cat isn’t a pest, she isn’t doing anything wrong but she wants to go inside. She said all she can hear while trying to watch TV is my cat meowing on her wall over and over again. She tries to ignore her but it gets annoying so she gives in, or she ends up feeling sorry for her if she’s sat outside in the rain. My cat will just sit outside her back door waiting for her to open it. I have suggested that she just ignores her because eventually she will come back home, or for her to text me and soon as she sees her and I will come over and collect her.

However my cat has been missing again for just over a week. I put posts on Facebook etc and just assumed that if she’d made her way back to the other lady’s house, she would’ve told me. I messaged her anyway, and she said my cat has been at hers every day. I asked her why she didn’t tell me but she said it’s my responsibility to check and that I’m going to have to keep my cat indoors because she doesn’t want to take ownership. I said she has been missing for over a week so how has she survived? Lo and behold.. she was feeding her! Why not just message me to come and get her?!

How do I handle this situation? I don’t know what to do. She is 7 years old and loves to be outside and exploring, I can’t take that away from her, it’s not fair to her and she wouldn’t cope. I really feel like it’s down to the other person to just stop feeding her and ignore her and she will come back home. I understand it’s hard and it does sound annoying to have her hanging around the house crying, but if she perseveres she will surely give up and come home?

This. people round me think their cat is safe from the big nasty main road because is a distance from them by road. Garden to garden as the cat runs its leass than a minute. Result is squished cat.

Sad, but unfortunately common.

i won't have a cat at this house as by cat navigation we aren't far from a busy A road. People are always surprised as they think it's quite a distance, it is only quite a distance if you drive to it, even walking its not that far, & thats without jumping fences 🤣

Generally I find the whole "Cats can't be controlled, they will just roam" attitude of cat owners to be a bit pathetic as if they really wanted to, they could deal with the issues their cats cause.

However, in this case, it's completely her fault. She's feeding the cat and letting it in. What on earth does she expect?

If she doesn't want the cat there, she needs to stop laying out the welcome mat and inviting it in. There is nothing you can do, short of never letting the cat out, that will prevent it going to hers while she continues welcoming it in. And I really don't think that is a reasonable request given she has brought the problem on herself and she can easily resolve the problem by just ignoring the cat.

We have annoying cats that come in to our garden. We give a yell or the dogs bark and they disappear quickly. They're a bit annoying but not a major nuisance.

@MaggieSP

the woman is fucking ridiculous!

you've given her a very quick way of ending the miaowing (text you to collect) & yet she's letting your cat in & feeding her. I think she wants your cat more than she's telling you!!

Do you go out to work? Is your cat lonely in the day? Though it sounds like she visits other neighbours too. If you do go out to work do you have a neighbour who would go to yours in the day to call your cat & give her some high value treats? I'd happily do it for you in this situation!

if you don't go out to work I'd just keep giving her high value treats throughout the day in no specific schedule, just as & when.

try really hard to think of anything at all that changed in your house when your cat started going missing. They can be sensitive wee things.

anytime she's missing for than a couple of hours, go & knock this woman's door!! One day she'll get fed up enough & promise to ring you if your cat turns up!

I had this exact situation. After they stopped letting her in, my cat now spends ages/sometimes all day in the other people’s garden and only comes home for food and the occasional sleep. I was raging when I found out they were letting her in and feeding her - then wondering why she kept coming back! It makes me feel like a bad owner but I’m not sure there’s much you can do about it.

How exactly do you think cats can be controlled, apart from locking them up inside?

Catio
Secure garden
Tracker

My cat was miserable in a catio. We rent so can’t secure the garden and we have a tracker but what do you want me to do - run around the street after her? Ludicrous.

How clever and great solution!

If she's annoying a neighbour to the extent this one is, yes - set it so you're notified when you cat goes outwith the safe zone. It's called being a responsible pet owner.

Tracker just meant we found our cat's regular hangouts. Did not in anyway stop him going there.

He had a collection of little old ladies, all of whom supposedly didn't want him in their house.

Yes, all of them were feeding him.

All of them kept feeding him even after being told he had a home to go home to.

It's not the cats, it's the people.

Is she feeding it or is it eating her cats food?

But the neighbour is feeding her… she’s an active agent in it!

Yes - and I agreed with that in my much earlier post. Both the OP and the neighbour are to blame.

But you can’t put a catio in a shared back green. The neighbours should not be feeding the cat.

You can cat-proof your garden or create a cattery.

Before we got our dogs, our neighbour's cat used to crap in our garden the whole time. I just got the shoulder shrugs and "what can you do" from him. I suggested he at least dug a patch of soil in his garden for the cat to crap in but no, just a shrug and what can you do.

Could you get one of those 'do not feed' cat collars, so it at least reminds the neighbour not to do that? It really is her fault that this is happening. I don't agree with the ideas around keeping the cat in or getting a catio, some cats are just free spirits and it's a hard adjustment. Would it be worth making more effort with cat treats and play? Even older cats enjoy playing with their owners if you do it right. A few regular treat times help cats bond with owners. It's a cynical ploy to get expensive snacks, but in my experience bribing cats works!

Also other side of the fence. I'm extremely allergic to cats. I have a couple of neighbourhood cats who think it's okay to hop in an open window and make a nest on a bed. Or stroll through the open back door, through the kitchen, dining room and try and watch TV with me in the lounge. Absolutely no food involved.

My yells and screams just make the cats' eyes roll but does wake up elderly dog who is 'wtf, what do I do, I'll bark a lot and try and run from a standing start on laminate flooring'. Ultimately, cat does a stretch and wanders off whilst dog is still looking like she's on a treadmill, going nowhere fast.

Water pistol or chuck a cup of water at it. I say this as a cat owner.

After our boy went missing for a few days this year we have since bought a gps collar and it’s a game changer. We can see where he goes now and we go and retrieve him if he’s out too late. He is very much loved and now such a home body. I think being trapped in someone’s shed for two days scared him. Has your cat been neutered? I imagine she has. Some cats do wander and go quite far. I would put a tracker collar on her and a collar which says do not feed! If you track her wandering to the ladies house you can fetch her back. Maybe keep her in at night with a litter tray. They like to wander at night. Then she can go out in the daytime.

To be honest the lady can't be getting hacked off if she's going to continue to give in to the cat being a pest. Cat makes a racket she's giving in loosing the cat in and feeding her. She needs to stop doing it if she really doesn't want your cat hanging around. Cats are scavengers and aren't loyal to their owners they will go where they're being fed so by this lady continuing to feed her of course she's going to keep going there being a nuisance. Honestly keep her in for a few weeks and get that woman to put a stop to feeding her

Water pistol
this has happened to 2 of my cats. I begged the neighbours to stop feeding them. One cat disappeared for years then suddenly turned up at our house with advanced cancer and we had to go striaght to the vet to PTS. Second time I said to the neighbour that you have made it your cat so I am registering the microchip snd vet bills to you. Turned out they had already registered him under a different name at a different vets!
I have solved the problem now and no one feeds my current cats

would you feed it tho?
if i were the lady i'd shoot it with a water pistol and knock feeding it on the head.

In UK law, cats have the legal right to roam.

I have an almost identical problem. I’ve kept her indoors for 5 weeks and the moment she is allowed outside again, she’s missing for a week. It’s driving me mad! I discovered there were older people living in the houses across the road that are feeding her on a regular basis and no amount of telling them not to will stop them. It’s meant our cat has missed out on medication, and is often late receiving the flea and wormer treatment.
I have given up because all attempts have been utterly futile! She’s been free to roam for the last 6 years and absolutely hates being locked indoors so she just becomes more and more stressed. I wouldn’t want to come back if I was her - shut indoors, given flea and worming treatment, made to take medication, and no longer being fed a diet of milk, ham and chicken.