Picking up our cat that's been 'missing' for years

[KiffyKiffyKiffy]

Well not missing exactly but we lived at our old address and as our cat got older and we had kids and 2 dogs our cat spent more and more time with our elderly neighbour. We would try and coax him home but he always went back.

The neighbour loved him and spoilt him rotton.

2 years ago we moved house and we tried to catch him a few times to bring him with us but he evaded us. So we went to the neighbours house to ask him to catch him for us. The elderly neighbour said he would like him to stay (his wife and dog had passed away) as he was good company

So over time we check in on him, make sure he doesn't need vet care etc.
Neighbour has our number.

We just stopped by to check in and he asked if we could take him.

Of course!

But I'm worried as he's not seen our dogs in years. He's never been to this home and we have somehow adopted a stray cat here who treats it like his home and is basically out unplanned cat too now.

We are picking him up in an hour and I'm just a bit stressed at how to navigate this!!

We never planned to be apart from him but he chose the neighbour over us and at that time the neighbour really needed him.

Any advice please!

The vet says he's fine!
My husband has been to all the appointments.

The first one he got flea treatments etc and he was booked in and got weighed. We mentioned the coughing and showed a video, she said it was reverse sneezing. His chest was clear.

On 2nd visit he had gained a little weight. Chest. Heart etc clear.

He said the weakened legs were just age related but in just 2 weeks he looked much better (true)

And if there's no other issues there's no need to bother him with tests etc

He is still coughing and my DD just said he's thrown up in her room.

He's shit in the hall again this morning.

DH said he threw up because he's hungry and he just needs food.

We just had a big delivery of his food and DH said he just needs feeding up.

He's very much in denial about him.

I do not think we are 'there' right now. But I realistically think we are looking at less than 6 months to be kind.

My husband is in complete denial and is getting very angry at me any time I suggest anything even slightly negative about his health :(

I think just take it day by day. Can you sit your husband down when he is unemotional and explain that the last thing you want is to lose Vader but you want to be prepared for when he is ready to go. Then move on to how do you make his time the best possible so he feels really involved.

I wish I had a better answer.

Is your husband the one doing all the clearing up and de-stinking after the cat pees everywhere?
I know it's really hard, but if he has dementia, his legs are going and he also is soiling everywhere then it's totally OK to admit its his time and have him PTS kindly. He might not be as happy as you think, he must be confused bless him.

Yes he is the one cleaning it all up. He's just been jetwashing my sons weights.

He just doesn't think that he's unhappy and he's just said he won't be putting him down, ever. And I said that's selfish.

I can see us having some major arguments over this.

He thinks I just don't want to deal with the piss and shit.

Of course I don't but it's much more than that.

The poor cat is wandering around the halls meowing like he's lost and he's not even acknowledging me when I approach him

Absolutely this. I had the same issue when our late Dcat had suffered a couple of strokes. She was losing weight and after the second one I could see she wasn't bouncing back like she did with the first. So I engineered a trip to the vet to 'see if they could do something for her' and they told DH in no uncertain terms that it would be an animal welfare issue to let her go home and have another attack. I loved her so much but I couldn't bear to see her suffer.

I think the vet needs to have a frank conversation with him then. It isn't kind to let them keep going indefinitely, it's the worst part of pet ownership but I think the most important responsibility we have for them. I don't envy you, it must be so difficult having to be the one who pushes for it.

How about cat nappies? May have to bath the cat but better than having wee everywhere

I'm not sure that would be the vets take on it. At his 2nd visit they said as long as he seems happy there's no need to put him through blood tests etc.

I feel like if we brought him back and said 'he's pooping/peeing everywhere and acting disorientated' they would want to start investigating.
I wouldn't want to put him through unnecessary tests.

Also he isn't insured anymore, his insurance lapsed and I don't even know if I would be able to get him insurance at his age.

It seems pointless to try and 'diagnose' him with something right now.

If I thought the vet would back me up I would take him but I don't know what they would say?

How do you diagnose a cat with dementia?

Just googled the symptoms.

He has them all apart from poor grooming (he still cleans himself regularly) and forgetting to eat, he has a good appetite and asks for food a lot.

I put orange next to the sleep cycles as some nights he sleeps through, some nights he wakes and starts meowing and wandering.

Are these a thing? I have seen nappies on dogs and monkeys but never cats: if they are a thing it may help, as long as Vader tolerates them.
So sorry @KiffyKiffyKiffy , you have tried and are still trying so hard for Vader to have a lovely life, I really hope some good solution happens very soon

Further to my earlier post, our vet diagnosed dementia after listening to me describing her behaviour at home and then testing for urine infection. It was quite a few years ago so I can't remember all the details but I recall he asked if she knew she was going to the toilet ie squatting or was she weeing/pooing as she walked around. She did squat as normal but just all over the house whereas previously had used her litter tray with no issue. My feeling is that you are going down the right path, your DH obviously cares a lot for vader and you've not had him back long but the bigger picture isn't looking rosy. They do say putting an animal to sleep a day too early is better than a day too late.

I really can’t see that a cat that freaked out having a harness put on is going to cope with cat nappies .

That's what I was thinking too.
He's not even happy with a collar on, he keep trying to scratch it off. I think nappies would drive him nutty.

Having said that we can't carry on like this so we may have to try.

DH seems to think I have a vendetta against the cat now :(

Because I suggested a staircase so he can't go upstairs to the 3rs floor (that's where he is shitting and pissing)

Have you gone out with him into the garden? If I remember correctly there is a wall around the garden? Maybe your DH can go outside with him for 30 minutes and make sure that he doesn’t go away?

I have heard of people having success using potting trays as litter trays for arthritic cats - so like a litter tray but with a flat side. Something like this: www.amazon.co.uk/Tierra-Garden-GP48B-Potting-Black/dp/B009ERXHFU/ref=asc_df_B009ERXHFU

I know he was using the tray fine, but maybe just finding it too much hassle with his wobbly legs? Might not be the tray that's the issue, but something else to try maybe.

Bit of a different age but when DH was head in the sand about the quality of life of his 1 year old cat who had suspected FIP, someone suggested doing a quality of life questionnaire, so I had us do one separately then compared the results. There were actually places he scored him slightly lower than me, and i think this started to make him think actually AC's quality of life wasn't great. It was hard as before I could see how he was struggling, not playing, not taking an interest in life, not eating with the enthusiasm he used to etc, but I could view him more "objectively" as he was more DH cat so he obviously had emotions mixed with it. It lead him to agree that if the ultrasound all but confirmed it was FIP, to pts, as the end stages of FIP are horrible

It actually ended before AC's ultrasound, during the day he suddenly peed in a box a delivery had arrived in. Despite his FIP caused diarrhea he'd always been very good about going in his tray. Started to think "hmmmm". Was then woken at 3am that night by him having explosive diarrhea on the bedroom carpet, to me that was the red line crossed, his dignity had gone. It was also like he wasn't there, he seemed completely oblivious. He was pts that morning, having been shut in the kitchen for the rest of the night in case of more accidents. On going down to him that morning, he was completely zoned out, dare I say ready?

So what I'm trying to say is it's worth getting you and OH to do a weekly quality of life questionnaire, you can Google them and they're available online. Keep a track of the scores you give to see how cat is doing - it may be you get to a point where the "bad" outweighs the "good" and that will probably be when a discussion needs to be had, but you almost need to let OH realise this without it being down to you saying so, I had to with AC as he was mainly OH's.

For me toileting outside the tray counts as dignity having gone for the poor cat, and that's when decisions need to be made

Our dear little girl I'd had all through my teenage years and into my early 20s when I lived at home started to lose her back end. Some "reasonable adjustments" we made for her were to make sure her sleeping spots were easily accessible, we put blankets over a gap between the bed and the windowsill she liked to go on, after her legs caused her to tip down into the gap, this way she now had a bridge. Putting steps/a step by places she liked to jump up to, so she had to "push" less. Is his tray easy for him to get into? Could you use one that's very shallow as pp have suggested so he doesn't have to use his back legs as much and can just walk straight in and out without having to "step" it may be it makes him a bit nervous if he's having to balance and his legs are iffy. Could you have a couple of trays? Pita for you, but if he's wobbly and wakes up on one floor, he may not feel he can make it to the tray if he has to travel to find it. It may even be neighbour didn't really do much with regards to his toileting so he was having accidents there

I'd give his "reasonable adjustments" a go, if he's still struggling Despite them it may be OH realises that actually, however hard a decision it is (and it is heartbreaking) that it's "time".

Has he had blood tests? Our little girl mentioned above had kidney disease and was on medication for it and towards the end, she was starting to get constipation, which caused her to have a couple of accidents, as she'd think she'd been then a little bit later the rest would come out, when she was sleeping. After a night when she was in visible distress due to struggling in tne tray my mum made "that" decision even though she was still purring and chatting to us

It's awful to go through with a much loved cat, however it has always stuck in my head what my mum said when we had childhood pets pts "at least we can do this for animals, humans you have to watch suffer"

Certainly for your guy, if he's happy in himself, I'd try the different adjustments for him to help him get around easier, but also start the quality of life questionnaires, it'll help see if the changes are helping him as well

I will try the low trays.

Though he's still going up and down the stairs and jumping from the floor ro the bed and even the floor to the kitchen side! So I'm not sure of stepping over the tray is an issue?
Willing to try though.

We took him outside today as he was just sat meowing at the stairs gate.

We put him down and he sniffed the ground for 5 seconds and ran back in. We did this twice. A few hours apart.

So seems he doesn't want to be outside after all 😩

I'm feeling so stressed.

At 3am my son came into my room to say Vader had shit and vomited in the hall. He's vomited a few times now.

I'm lay in bed and he's on the end of my bed and he just sat up and made this huge wailing sound then just went back to sleep.

I don't think he is OK anymore and everytime I say that I'm made out to be some awful person who is just wanting to kill a cat for shits and giggles 😔

I think it’s clear the best thing for the cat is to have a vet check them over again. He is vomiting regularly and seems to have no control over his poo/pee. The vet can then advise based on the facts, and if that fact is “he’s too old, is confused and/or in pain and the best thing is to let him go” your husband can deal with that.

I think it’s a bit rich of him to be so clingy with this cat when he let someone else just have him for all these years. If he refuses to let you take the cat to the vet for a professional opinion, when the cat is vomiting regularly and appears incontinent and confused, I think it’s time to challenge him that it’s less about the genuine welfare of the cat and more about his own wants.

You mentioned stinking breath earlier, along with weeing and pooing all over, and underweight - has his kidney function been checked? At his age it's highly likely he has some kidney 'breakdown' (I don't know right term), but when I've had cats with failing kidneys, the weeing everywhere (yes, our toolboxes and boxes of toys, any bag anywhere on floor), and then the stinking rancid breath was a near end indicator. It's not cheap to test, and the treatment is renal food, so past the initial blood test to show kidneys starting to fail we've not spent on further testing, just feed appropriately. Vomiting also a symptom.

I think that's unfair to my husband. He loves this cat and has always looked after him. At the point the cat chose to be somewhere else he brought him home dozens of times and the moment he was let out he went back to the old man's house. He's never been an indoor cat and the second a window or door opened he would be out as quick as lightening. The old fella had everything set up for him there. My husband thought he was doing best by the cat. As did I and he was absolutely delighted to get him back home.

He had wanted him back the whole time but felt bad for the old fella as he had lost his dogs and his wife in a short time and was alone! How could we go and take one of his only sources of comfort? We didn't know he was struggling.

He's agreed to a vet visit.

So I will book that and update with the outcome.

Interesting you say about the wailing, a different cat we had (not the one with dementia) had kidney issues, but the vet said it was early stage kidney failure and he would be fine for quite a while. Then just a few weeks later I came hime from work and my DH said the cat had been making these horrendous wailing sounds and with that the cat ran past me up the stairs wailing. It was awful
This was a Friday and didn't want to leave him all weekend possibly in pain, so took him straight to the vet. We saw the same vet who had seen him a few weeks before and after examining him she told us the time had come to put him to sleep. It was really unexpected and we were both so upset, but we followed the vets advice and stopped his suffering.

Appointment tomorrow at 2.30 x