Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
The litter tray

Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Original poster

Picking up our cat that's been 'missing' for years

459 replies

KiffyKiffyKiffy · 03/02/2025 14:57

Well not missing exactly but we lived at our old address and as our cat got older and we had kids and 2 dogs our cat spent more and more time with our elderly neighbour. We would try and coax him home but he always went back.

The neighbour loved him and spoilt him rotton.

2 years ago we moved house and we tried to catch him a few times to bring him with us but he evaded us. So we went to the neighbours house to ask him to catch him for us. The elderly neighbour said he would like him to stay (his wife and dog had passed away) as he was good company

So over time we check in on him, make sure he doesn't need vet care etc.
Neighbour has our number.

We just stopped by to check in and he asked if we could take him.

Of course!

But I'm worried as he's not seen our dogs in years. He's never been to this home and we have somehow adopted a stray cat here who treats it like his home and is basically out unplanned cat too now.

We are picking him up in an hour and I'm just a bit stressed at how to navigate this!!

We never planned to be apart from him but he chose the neighbour over us and at that time the neighbour really needed him.

Any advice please!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
23
Original poster
KiffyKiffyKiffy · 04/03/2025 20:26

Vader keeps sitting outside any closed door and meowing. My youngest sons room today. He was let in and my son was sat on his gaming chair. Vader tried to jump up onto his lap and only got half way. Clawing my sons legs.
Edit to say it was completely accidental, he was trying to get in his lap but just couldn't get high enough then grabbed my sons legs when he started to fall)

I picked Vader up (instant purrs) and when I out him down he had done a little pee down my top. So seems he's really losing control of his bladder. Whether that's age or a water infection??

My eldest son thinks we are going to get a date tomorrow to put him down and said 'don't put him down without me knowing'

DH got upset and said that isn't happening

Tomorrow is going to be interesting to say the least.

OP posts:
Binglebong · 04/03/2025 21:15

I'll be thinking of you. X

Pudmyboy · 04/03/2025 22:21

Another post to say thinking of you tomorrow 💐

IJWMM · 05/03/2025 00:09

I’ll also be thinking of you tomorrow. I know it’s difficult, but everything needs to be about Vadar, not your husband.

Having read through your posts, I really think you need to do the kindest thing for him - let him go peacefully with you there to comfort him. The inappropriate toilet ting, the wailing, the dodgy legs. He’s not a well boy, bless him. Purring isn’t always a “good” sign, they can purr to self-sooth.

It is wonderful that you bought him back home for his final weeks. But Vadar’s well-being and dignity trumps your husband at this point. And, tbh, I’d be annoyed with a vet that isn’t listening to your description of how he is doing at home - he’s really not doing ok.

I am sorry if this comes across as harsh, I am not trying to make you feel bad. I think you know what is the best thing to do, but you don’t have any support for it which must feel terribly upsetting.

Vadar doesn’t have a choice in this matter. As a family, you do. As an aside, so do your vets. After everything you’ve described, and given his age, I’d have concerns over any vet thinking that anything other than a peaceful passing is the right thing.

You have done so much for him recently, please don’t feel bad. Will be thinking of you tomorrow.

Binglebong · 05/03/2025 00:35

Just wanted to say - if you can then take a video of him wailing or other symptoms. It will give the vet a clearer idea.

Original poster
KiffyKiffyKiffy · 05/03/2025 12:23

Vader has had 2 seizures. One late last night that only my son witnessed so wasn't sure what it was but he's just had another.

I think we will be taking him at 2.30 and then booking an appointment in the next 48 hours for him to go peacefully.

We can't do it today because 2 of my kids aren't home to say goodbye but we will still take him to get checked over today.

My eldest is finding this extremely difficult.
As we all are

My sweet old boy :(

OP posts:
Zonder · 05/03/2025 12:33

So sorry to hear that. It's lovely that you welcomed him home for his last days.

Americano75 · 05/03/2025 12:39

Ah love, I'm sorry.

Original poster
KiffyKiffyKiffy · 05/03/2025 12:53

Also I just googled pet cremation services and this is the image. 😣

Picking up our cat that's been 'missing' for years
OP posts:
Doyouthinktheyknow · 05/03/2025 13:19

So sorry, that’s very sad news. You obviously all love your cat dearly and it sounds like you have done everything you could.

Knowing when it’s time and being there with them to offer comfort is the last gift we can give to our pets isn’t it? However heartbreaking it is for us💙 Sending lots of love💐

Binglebong · 05/03/2025 14:29

I'm so very very sorry. But he had his last days surrounded by love and warmth and lots of good food. He was flea free and had cuddles on tap. And when it is time he will get to go peacefully without pain which is the greatest gift that can be given.

Original poster
KiffyKiffyKiffy · 05/03/2025 14:56

They've taken him in for blood and urine tests. He just wants to make sure it's not some infection that's making him ill.
Because we've only had him back 4 weeks we don't know if this is new behaviour or ongoing.

We will pick him up tomorrow.

OP posts:
Original poster
KiffyKiffyKiffy · 05/03/2025 16:00

I'm feeling really worried about him.

What if he thinks he been abandoned?
They've got non of his food.
He's going to be so confused.

OP posts:
Agapornis · 05/03/2025 16:01

Fingers crossed. But if it's the end of the road, I'm really sorry. He's had a brief but very loving retirement, and he's clearly feeling safe with you.

I gave mine a final meal of salami, it was really nice to see him enjoy that and hear him purr at the vet. He's buried in the garden, we held a little funeral, and there's a tree planted on top.

Original poster
KiffyKiffyKiffy · 05/03/2025 16:06

Agapornis · 05/03/2025 16:01

Fingers crossed. But if it's the end of the road, I'm really sorry. He's had a brief but very loving retirement, and he's clearly feeling safe with you.

I gave mine a final meal of salami, it was really nice to see him enjoy that and hear him purr at the vet. He's buried in the garden, we held a little funeral, and there's a tree planted on top.

I've already decided to take him to mcdonalds and get him a beef patty with cheese on it as he went absolutely feral for it the one time he had a piece.

Also going to do cremation.

It feels morbid to still be thinking in those terms when DH has a lot of hope again that it may be something fixable but I'm not so sure.

For me there's just too many things going on.

The vomiting
The incontinence
The confusion
The seizures
The back legs collapsing.

I can understand why the vet would want to get him checked out and I think it's the best thing to do as I want to know we tried our very best for him and don't want to rush into an uninformed decision.

But I can't see all those things being caused by something treatable?

It just seems like old age :(

OP posts:
Original poster
KiffyKiffyKiffy · 05/03/2025 16:16

Also does anyone know if someone stays with the animals overnight in a normal vets? Not a veterinary hospital?

OP posts:
Agapornis · 05/03/2025 16:17

In my experience it's all very sudden and catastrophic with cats, and you're never ready. My last one was behaving a bit oddly - three days later and that was that.

He might be a bit bored at the vet but he'll probably sleep through most of it, and he'll be well cared for. He'll be extra pleased to see you tomorrow.

Original poster
KiffyKiffyKiffy · 05/03/2025 18:39

I'm hoping that's not the case if he's away from us for 24 hrs 😩

OP posts:
OnTheBoardwalk · 05/03/2025 20:32

Don’t want to sound harsh but did the vet talk to you about the cost of keeping Vader overnight @KiffyKiffyKiffy ?

I know it’s not your immediate concern but it can be really expensive and for good reasons he's not insured

Original poster
KiffyKiffyKiffy · 05/03/2025 20:53

OnTheBoardwalk · 05/03/2025 20:32

Don’t want to sound harsh but did the vet talk to you about the cost of keeping Vader overnight @KiffyKiffyKiffy ?

I know it’s not your immediate concern but it can be really expensive and for good reasons he's not insured

Yes, it's an amazing vets.
He said £90 for the bloods and urine test plus £20 consult fee and the cost of any meds.
He said it would not be over £200

Which I believe because when my dog got run over they had her in for observation for 6 hours and the total bill was £80

OP posts:
OnTheBoardwalk · 05/03/2025 21:07

That’s fantastic @KiffyKiffyKiffy think it shows how good a local known vet is.

let's see what tomorrow brings

hereismydog · 07/03/2025 00:14

How are things @KiffyKiffyKiffy?

Been thinking of you and little Vader.

Original poster
KiffyKiffyKiffy · 07/03/2025 10:08

hereismydog · 07/03/2025 00:14

How are things @KiffyKiffyKiffy?

Been thinking of you and little Vader.

He's still at the vets.

They want to keep him till Saturday morning.
They haven't managed to get a wee sample from him.

I just want to go get him TBH :(

OP posts:
Original poster
KiffyKiffyKiffy · 07/03/2025 10:08

He probably thinks he's been abandoned

OP posts:
0psiedasiy · 07/03/2025 14:34

@KiffyKiffyKiffy hopefully not mine always seem to have lots of cuddles when they have been in a few days.