My cat is currently wanking on my shoulder...

[ILoveMyCatButHesAPervert]

Newish rescue cat. Neutered male. From day one he has come to sit on me to have a wank (what else can you call it? Nothing sounds right when applied to my sweet cat.) I thought he was just happy and purring a lot the first time, then I saw the unseeable.

I know everyone will say just push him away, but he keeps trying and I feel bad for him. If he just did it on a cushion or something, that would be fine, but he never does.

Sometimes it's two or three times a day. He's eight years old FFS! Also it takes ages.

I've googled and followed advice for more play etc. We chase around the house for a good while every day. He isn't going outside at the moment as I'm scared he'll wander, but I am going to try to harness train him. He's been to the vet recently for other issues. I didn't mention this (will next time) but no indication of any urinary issues.

Had anyone else had this become an issue? It calmed down for a while and has just got more frequent again so I need to change something.

My cat does this. He was about five when he started and he'd been neutered as a kitten, so I took him to the vet in case anything was wrong. The poor young male vet was really embarrassed when I pushed him for an answer as to why he'd started now, and he said he'd probably just discovered it and really liked it!

Anyway, he mostly confines his amore to our sheepskin throws these days, although he occasionally wakes me up with a face hump at 3am.

BTW he's 16 now and still a daily humper.

I had to look into this in relation to a neutered female dog 😖. The view seemed to be that it was done for comfort and out of boredom and could become a habit, and that the answer was to distract her every time she made purposefully for her owner's arm, which was her usual wank object. I passed that on but I don't know to what extent the person in question has tried with it or succeeded.

I feel for you op. None of my 4 cats do this but we previously had a giant house rabbit who was in a long term committed relationship with my husbands fluffy slippers, he didn't prefer one over the other so I suppose it was a thrupple relationship. There was absolutely nothing that we could do except surrender the slippers to him.

Humping?! My Mum's little dog does this. He now has a dedicated humping cushion

My cat has his very own wanky blanket ☺️.

OMG I have never heard of this or seen it to my knowledge!

I knew there was a previous thread on this subject and seeing @Iamacatslave mentioning her cat's wanky blanky made me look for it. I first found it via an internet search that could only be classed as 'dodgy' because TemporaryCat was doing this in the night on the fluffy mohair bedthrow, up against my leg. Followed by loud slurpy licking of his bits. I felt quite icky. He appears to have grown out of it thank goodness.

As for @RicherThanYew and the thrupple with the slippers! What do expect.... it's a rabbit.

Here you go OP....
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/the_litter_tray/4503164-I-think-I-have-become-my-cats-fluffer?page=3

That thread is so funny, @TemporaryCatSlave!! It should be in classics. I wonder if @gertrudetheadelie would give us an update?

It confirmed that four-legged kneading is one defining sign. And the shuddering 🤦🏻‍♀️

To clarify, there are no emissions, thank fuck. I googled to check that early on. He does not attempt eye contact either, so I feel like things could be worse.

However, once again, as I type, my cat is wanking on my shoulder.

The increased frequency make me think he needs a professional intervention.

That's really good advice, @flamme. I'm just wish I'd had it sooner.

He has a heated blanket, a heated pad, a man cave, but unfortunately nothing else takes his fancy, @shearwater2.

Thank you for all the replies.

One of my boys is a wanker but generally on a blanket next to me rather than on my shoulder, thankfully!

At first, I thought he had some kind of sweet three-legged kneading thing going on but then realised there was a bit more to it. The other cats show their confusion/distaste but he doesn’t care. Since he subjects us to this, we watch with a morbid fascination as he waves one of his back legs higher and higher till he reaches nirvana and then settles down to sleep, and we go back to watching tv.

We adopted BastardCat at circa 6 weeks - far too young to be away from mum but she was feral and we were emotionally blackmailed into taking him on. At about 8 weeks, he developed a relationship with his favourite Blankie - to the extent he got to a happy ending; he used to keel over and I could imagine him having a post coital fag. Took him to the vet who said it was unethical to have him neutered at this age - I showed her video j'taime soundtrack so off came his bits. LittleBeast had a weird attraction to my right thigh; would try to nurse plus shag at same time (don't mention Oedipus complex). Thankfully, he's grown out of it.

I'd let him get offended tbh. Replace "cat" with "partner" and see what advice you get.

I had no idea this was a thing with cats! Dogs yes but cats?

I have two who are 9. My female cat likes to do the usual kneading before she lies down. My male cat doesn’t even do that. Feeling very fortunate I’ve never experienced it. I think I’d have to detach him OP, it doesn’t sound pleasant.

Also, it takes ages pfffff 😂🤣😂🤣😂

😂 I could, I guess, but that would be preposterous.

How very dare you! In our home it’s known as special time, not “wanking.” 🤣🤣

Non cat owner here who usually comes on these threads for the cute photos .............I'd just like to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for NOT posting any💓😉

This thread is so funny!! I guess you could try tinfoil on your shoulder but I'd imagine it wouldn't be that comfortable!!

I had an unneutered tom cat do this once years ago. I was lying on my back in my jammies and I thought he was just being cute, until I felt the wet patch...!!!

Worst of all my son was hell for humping things when he was little. So embarrassing going to pick him up from nursery and they'd all be sweetly watching a video or something, and himself would be off humping a cushion. TG he stopped!!!

Oh sweet Jesus I didn't know this was a thing. Wet patch??? They actually produce ? 🤮🤮🤮

@ILoveMyCatButHesAPervert A man cave! 🤣🤣🤣 Perhaps a bat cave would divert him more.

Same ! Or blankie time he 'loves' his blanket.

He is a bit bat-like, @shearwater2.

No emissions if they're neutered, @Thunderstruckbysnoring, thank god. I would have a massive attack of 'boundaries' if there were emissions.

Here is a picture of my lovely pervert, which protects his identity for obvious reasons. He is pictured on the sex-fleece dressing gown.

He is so adorable, and such a polite cat (apart from the wanking).

Well until today I had no idea cats could wank. You learn something new every day, especially on mumsnet!
Maybe some feliway on your shoulder, no, pepper or something else unpleasant like spiky punk shoulder adornments. Don't say spiky punk too fast.