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Tales and Tails and NMCs - the Excellent Cats March On

994 replies

TheShellBeach · 17/01/2024 11:10

Join us as 2024 starts and our cats continue to run our lives for us.

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Thread gallery
266
Supersimkin2 · 22/01/2024 14:20

Shell, the housing assn can’t get all
its grants & tax breaks etc etc without a warden. What do the trustees say?

I might get black pudding instead of haggis this year. Cultural vandalism
at its most succulent.

Grumpyoldpersonwithcats · 22/01/2024 14:30

We watch it while we eat dinner. It's our guilty pleasure. Even DS2 likes it now. The psychology of who hates whom fascinates me.

I agree - we love it - it's so bad it's good 🤣. It just bothers me that sometimes you get a team that plays politically and underpays everyone else significantly, so they win just by being nasty bastards.

Grumpyoldpersonwithcats · 22/01/2024 15:04

I might get black pudding instead of haggis this year. Cultural vandalism at its most succulent.
Outrageous 🤣🤣🤣.

Anyway the cats really like haggis too so it's mandatory here.

RumNotRun · 22/01/2024 15:33

What's that? Four cats in a bed you say? (Scuse the unmade bed, it's difficult to make when furry beasts are sleeping)

Tales and Tails and NMCs  -  the Excellent Cats March On
TheShellBeach · 22/01/2024 15:35

Rum, they look very comfy.

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Grumpyoldpersonwithcats · 22/01/2024 15:52

A previously used photo but thought I would contribute this again under the banner of 'four cats on a bed'.

Tales and Tails and NMCs  -  the Excellent Cats March On
TheShellBeach · 22/01/2024 15:55

Grumpyoldpersonwithcats · 22/01/2024 14:30

We watch it while we eat dinner. It's our guilty pleasure. Even DS2 likes it now. The psychology of who hates whom fascinates me.

I agree - we love it - it's so bad it's good 🤣. It just bothers me that sometimes you get a team that plays politically and underpays everyone else significantly, so they win just by being nasty bastards.

Yes! Utter bastards.
Underpaying because the previous lot of feedback wasn't to your liking - not good.

But actually, I have written a book about how to win Four in a Bed.

It is a book in my head only, so it is not actually published, but if contestants read it, they would win.

So - if you're going last, give everybody else good feedback otherwise they'll all give you bad feedback.

Never say you wouldn't return to a B & B (unless it's the last one). There is nothing more horrible for a B & B host to read. It is a value judgement on them as human beings. They will get their own back on you, so it's your own fault if you do not win.

If your B & B is third, do not diss the first and second B & Bs. They will also get their own back.

If the breakfast was shite, do not say so, unless people have already been to your B & B.

If you're going first, you have a definite advantage. You can then say what you like about the rest of them.

If guests are vile and impossible to please, just smile and agree with them. Remember that they have to give you feedback.

If you're second to host, and you've been horrible guests, the first lot will be horrible to you if you've given them negative feedback and said their place is dirty.

Even if a place is filthy, do not mention it if they haven't been to your B & B yet. Pretend it's like the Ritz and give them ten out of ten for most things. Say you'd return even if you'd rather stick pins in your eyes than go back (looking at you, that weird B & B where the hosts had cameras set up to watch everyone while they ate).

If you're a glamping site, do not expect to win because nobody wants to get up in the night and pad across a field to get to a toilet.

If your B & B is in Blackpool, also do not expect to win because most of the other people are very snobby about Blackpool.

If you have shared bathroom facilities, you absolutely won't win, because nobody wants to have to wait to go to the toilet in the morning. And nobody wants to have to wander round the B & B in the dark, falling downstairs, looking for the loo.

Do not bother entering if your B & B is a caravan site.

Do not bother entering if you give people menus to complete the night before.

Do not bother entering if you serve a buffet-style breakfast. People like freshly-cooked food.

If you only serve a continental breakfast, you will not win.

If you do not serve breakfast at all, you will not win. Especially if you recommend a cafe which is several yards/miles away.

And most important of all

If you're a trained chef, do not mention it because you will invariably have a bad hair day when it's your turn to serve breakfast and everything will go tits-up.

If you're a retired hotel inspector, keep your gob shut because if even so much as one small hair is found on your bedlinen, you'll get 2/10 for cleanliness.

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TheShellBeach · 22/01/2024 15:59

Here are Three Cats on a Bed
All sadly OTRB now and also on the bed in our previous house

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TheShellBeach · 22/01/2024 16:01

The same Three Cats Eating Dinner

Tales and Tails and NMCs  -  the Excellent Cats March On
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Grumpyoldpersonwithcats · 22/01/2024 16:02

Shell you are an absolute genius - that is brilliant 🤣.

I have a theory that your position in the week has a material outcome on where you end up in the results too. I'm sure someone must have produced stats but I haven't found them yet.

Grumpyoldpersonwithcats · 22/01/2024 16:07

Four cats on a bed from the archive?

Tales and Tails and NMCs  -  the Excellent Cats March On
TheShellBeach · 22/01/2024 16:11

Grumpyoldpersonwithcats · 22/01/2024 16:02

Shell you are an absolute genius - that is brilliant 🤣.

I have a theory that your position in the week has a material outcome on where you end up in the results too. I'm sure someone must have produced stats but I haven't found them yet.

Probably only saddos like us who watch the thing obsessively.

I forgot to add:

Do not expect to win if you provide a breakfast hamper for £30 which guests are expected to cook themselves

and

If your B & B has no parking, and guests have to pay an additional charge to park somewhere, always refund this, otherwise people will get their own back

However, if your B & B has no parking, and you have guests with mobility issues, do not expect them to want to come back.

Conversely, if you're the guest in this scenario, always say you'd come back, even if you found it difficult to walk to the B & B, as long as these people have not yet visited your B & B.

Remember the mantra - do not diss people and say you would not return if they have not yet visited your manky establishment.

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Grumpyoldpersonwithcats · 22/01/2024 16:21

A couple to add.
At breakfast never criticise the quality of another host's sausages (unless of course you have already hosted.)
At breakfast don't be a twat and ask for something not on the menu (one fried egg, one poached egg and one coddled please), again unless you have already hosted.

Grumpyoldpersonwithcats · 22/01/2024 16:25

And if you happen to be Charlotte Church's parents, for God's sake don't enter the competition 🤣🤣🤣.

TheShellBeach · 22/01/2024 16:36

Grumpyoldpersonwithcats · 22/01/2024 16:21

A couple to add.
At breakfast never criticise the quality of another host's sausages (unless of course you have already hosted.)
At breakfast don't be a twat and ask for something not on the menu (one fried egg, one poached egg and one coddled please), again unless you have already hosted.

YY to those - especially the Sausagegate one.

See also smoked bacon versus unsmoked bacon/Yorkshire teabags versus any other teabags

and

Do not enter if your establishment has an additional charge for breakfast. It really pisses people off and they will frequently deduct whatever the charge is from whatever they pay you.

also

Do not make out you're better socially than everyone else, before they visit your castle in Scotland which has very poor hygiene standards

and

Do not refuse to make hot chocolate for a guest at breakfast time just because you can't cope with doing so (looking at you, Brock of Tetbury)

see also

Do not pooh-pooh and ridicule a guest when he discovers mouse droppings in his room, just because your B & B is in the countryside on a railway station (looking at you, Robin of Dent Station B & B)

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TheShellBeach · 22/01/2024 16:40

And finally - if you're that arsehole who wears a bowler hat and has an obsession with the number of plug sockets there are in rooms, for extensive tech requirements:

Do not ask for poached eggs everywhere and then fail miserably to cook poached eggs for everyone else because you do not know how to cook poached eggs

^^

Tales and Tails and NMCs  -  the Excellent Cats March On
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TheShellBeach · 22/01/2024 16:41

I felt a bit sorry for him as he is obviously autistic and his obsession with technology and eggs was not understood or appreciated by the other guests.

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TheShellBeach · 22/01/2024 16:43

Grumpyoldpersonwithcats · 22/01/2024 16:25

And if you happen to be Charlotte Church's parents, for God's sake don't enter the competition 🤣🤣🤣.

...........................or if you do enter, remove all the pictures of Charlotte Church from the walls, as anyone boasting about anything generally does not win anyway.

😂

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Grumpyoldpersonwithcats · 22/01/2024 16:49

I have never understood the point of the entertainment/competion that each host has to present? Does it make any material difference to anything? (An extra chapter for your book Shell?)
Which reminds me...
Don't deliberately refer to your guests by the wrong name.

TheShellBeach · 22/01/2024 16:54

Here's another one:

Don't have an activity which smacks of middle-classdom, as the common people entering will feel as though you're looking down on them.

Oh, and

Always have televisions in your rooms because most people like to watch it. If you tell people that TV is the work of the devil and it should be banned they will mark you down. It is, yet again, a value judgement on them which they will not appreciate.

and of course

Do ensure that your WiFi is up-to-date and works perfectly.

In the earliest episodes there are competitors who have not quite kept up with technological advances, and they say things like "we don't use computers". Like everyone else should also not use them.

If you allow dogs and cats to leave hair all over your B & B your fellow contestants will not appreciate it.

Do not expect everyone else to love your cats and dogs as much as you do. Some people freak out at the sight of a cat at the breakfast table. The heathens.

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TheShellBeach · 22/01/2024 17:02

Don't deliberately refer to your guests by the wrong name

Grin

and

If you're Ziggy and Lynn of Eden Lodge Guest House, your B & B should be closed down as a health hazard and Ziggy should get tuition in being polite to the rest of the human race

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TheShellBeach · 22/01/2024 17:14

Grumpyoldpersonwithcats · 22/01/2024 16:49

I have never understood the point of the entertainment/competion that each host has to present? Does it make any material difference to anything? (An extra chapter for your book Shell?)
Which reminds me...
Don't deliberately refer to your guests by the wrong name.

Mr SB goes on and on about this.

He says things like "if you were staying at a B & B you wouldn't want or expect them to provide an activity".

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TheShellBeach · 22/01/2024 17:15

If your name is Naomi, expect everyone else to call you "Nyomi"

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TheShellBeach · 22/01/2024 17:19

If you're that wanker who charged almost £500 (with no breakfast) for one night in your shitey B & B (looking at you, Martin of Halliwell House) you can expect a very long series of bad reviews on Trip Advisor from people who have not even stayed in your shitey B & B - just because they've seen what a wanker you are on the telly.

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SequentialAnalyst · 22/01/2024 17:26

There is definitely a PhD thesis on Game Theory and Four in a Bed to be had, if you fancy writing one, @TheShellBeach