DS wants to take cat to uni

[ClusterFog]

DS will be renting a student house from September with two uni friends.

He wants to take his cat with him, 4 hours away from our home.

Both friends are in full agreement with this plan. One has met the cat over Easter, the other will be visiting this summer. Both have grown up with family cats.

DS has had the cat for 5 years and they have a strong bond. Having the cat has really helped his sometimes fragile MH, such as during exams.

I'm a bit conflicted.

I'm told the law has changed and landlords can't refuse tenants pets, but don't know all the details.

Any advise/suggestions would be helpful, thank you.

I've seen a thread on this issue not so long ago so you may find it if you search it.

Personally I don't think it very fair on a cat to uproot them from their home and rest of their family. I also think its a lot of responsibility that most students can't really be bothered with. But I'm assuming if it is his cat then he currently takes full responsibility for the cat but if not lots of practical things to consider:

• Vets bills/insurance/ongoing check ups, vaccinations and worming etc. Who will be responsible and pay?
• is he a responsible sort of person that will regularly clean the litter tray out and remember to feed it even if he has a heavy night out?
• will it be an indoor cat and how will he stop visitors letting it out by accident?

If it does go out are there busy roads near his house? Can he get a catflap fitted?

• what will happen during holidays or if he comes home or goes away for the weekend? Will he bring the cat home with him? Can he trust his house mates if he leaves it there?
• And in a year when he has to move again will he uproot the cat again?

Personally I think it's unfair on the cat. DS only has the property for a year, so then he'll be uprooting the cat again & they have massive amounts of holidays. He'll need to stay there in his own while his mates go home, or traipse the poor cat back & forth.

He may not be your typical Uni student, but most are barely sober & responsible for themselves, is he going to be responsible enough to come home to feed the cat, to remember to buy cat food

Then there's trusting others people not to torment the cat or shut it in/out of the flat.

then there's how busy the roads are around mist student digs.

Does it have a garden??

who pays the insurance/vet bills now?

It is actually OK to say no to requests especially when they involve the welfare of another living creature who has no choice. Your son wants to uproot the cat from all it knows so he can avail of its mental health benefits... Erm I'd just say no, go get a cushion or something. He can work on his fragile mental health by seeing a psychotherpist or by practicing not having a cat. What about work, in time would he look for accomodation of his cat in the workplace?

@Wrongsideofpennines

your pist wasn't there when I started writing mine. I could have just waited & posted ^that!

😂

Part of going away to university is leaving familiar comforts behind, and that includes the cat.

Temporary student digs are not the best place for a cat, and if your son loves Tiddles which I'm sure he does, he will accept that the best place for him is at home.

Thank you for your replies.

DS is not a typical student! He's sober, sensitive and responsible. His friends are the same. They are all on different courses, so hope their timetables allow for them to spend plenty of time at the rental.

I'll continue to pay vets fees, insurance, etc and know DS will be okay with regular flea/worming treatments.

The house has a big garden in a quiet-ish area away from main roads.

Our family has a childhood pet stays at home rule. Even when it was snakes and lizards!

I would just say no to this. It may be comforting but ( even if the LL agrees I am with others on this ) this is putting a whole level of extra responsibility on him. If he really wants to then best if he asks the LL if allowed , as even if the other tenants are happy - how much more stressful would it be if LL notices and does not want the cat. ( I don't know the legal position on this )

If you take a photo snappy snaps will make a cushion with a photograph of the cat on it. ( I know I know not quite the same )

Going against the grain, Id outthink this is an automatic no. But there are considerations. You seem to be confident that him and his friends will be responsible, which is the most important one. Whether or not the landlord will allow it is another one. Does DS understand that if the cat is currently an outdoor cat he's going to have to keep him inside for a while for the transition phase, be around, change litter trays etc?

And of course, will the landlord allow it?

if all that's true, I see no reason not to allow this.

I don't think it's necessarily a bad idea. We used to take a previous generation of our cats on holiday with us. They used to go outside when away and seemed to have a ball. I do suspect that cats years ago had much more robust mental health than nowadays though 😹. Also I moved house more or less yearly when I was younger, my cats never seemed remotely phased by it.

So OP, if your cat is confident, and you've vetted your son's digs (and his friends) I'd be inclined to let him do it.

Will he want to bring the cat home in the holidays? It could be quite a lot for the cat to move every few months.

Will he follow the rule of keeping in inside for weeks when he gets there so it knows where it is? Clean a litter tray at least once a day? Cat food isn't cheap - can he afford it? Can he get a cat flap fitted? Is it a very different location to your current house i.e semi rural vs city centre?

Cats are territorial creatures so although the cat helps your DS with his mental health, would you think it was fully in the best interests of the cat to be uprooted and taken 4 hours away and live in a student house share instead of the home it currently has? It doesn't honestly seem like it's worth it for that cat (as mean as it sounds but you should totally take your DSs needs out of this, cats are living creatures and it should be based on the cats needs in this instance).

DD has her cat with her in her student flat. He has been great for her. He is very elderly and requires a lot of support. He never goes outside and hadn't already for several years before he moved to be with her. It does mean we need to fetch them for the holidays but we don't mind that, and he doesn't mind the travel.

DD2 wants to do the same with hers. However that will be a hard no. He spends hours every day outside, in an acre of garden. Her student house is on a busy road with only a patio. It just wouldn't be fair on him.

No. Not fair on the cat, and he'll
Have to be uprooted several
Times a year for the holidays.

Is it an outdoor cat or an indoor cat OP?

So what happens in the holidays? The poor cat has to be crated back to its previous home for four hours, with all the stress that causes, then taken back to the student digs , another four hour journey. Rinse and repeat every couple of months. Do these sensible students realise the cat will need to be kept indoors for several weeks to get it acclimatised to its new surroundings, so no back doors left open on a hot day, no windows left ajar, no front door propped open while you nip out to put rubbish in the bin, it’s hard enough to remember to do this when you are just one family, but a group of young people,away from home for the first time, not to mention inviting other friends round to share food, watch tv, have a meal, play a game?

I am sorry your son has struggled with his MH and applaud him for deciding to continue his education, but really, he needs to understand that sometimes loving something means you do what is best for them, not what you think is best for you.

You do seem to be supporting his idea, but I think it is time to stand firm and support the living being in the equation who doesnt have a voice.

No. Not fair on the cat. It's a cat. It's not actually an emotional support animal, even if your son sees it that way.

I adore my parents' cat. When I'm there, we're inseparable. That cat is my best friend, however bonkers that sounds. But I'd never ask to take him. His home is there.

Some cats are fine with moving around. I have a friend who has homes in London and Wales and when they travel from one to the other the cat goes too. Cat is allowed outside but has the good sense not to run off. Thing is, the cat has been used to this since they got him.
If I did the same with my cat he would shit repeatedly in the car (as he has done on every car journey lasting more then about 45 minutes because he is genuinely terrified no matter what we do) and would likely run away the second he was released. Is your cat a fan of travelling? If not, the answer has to be "no".

I don’t think it’ll be fair on the cat. They don’t like moving homes and I only agree with this if it’s absolutely necessary eg. Due to house move or cost etc. but it’s not necessary in this case so I just couldn’t put a cat through it.

I think it’s terrifically unfair on the cat , could he get a pair of rats or something for his animal fix , rats make excellent pets and are way more interactive than the average cat .

Just ask him how he's going to transport the cat at the start and finish of every term?

Hope he's not thinking you'll make that 8 hour round trip 3 times a year.

I don't think it's a good idea but my DS was the same.
My DS was and still is very attached to his cat. We got him the cat when he was 12 and going through an unhappy phase.
I don't think I would have considered for a second letting him take it to uni. If something happened to it he would feel responsible.
Students come home. A lot. Christmas, Easter, summer and several little visits in between (possibly to see said cat). Not to mention trips.
DS moved three times and probably came back and forth a dozen times a year. After graduation and finding a grad scheme he lived at home for a year. Then moved to a flat. Then home for 6 months. Then to another flat for a year. Now moved again (I lose track). Through all this the cat remains at home and settled. DS was home this weekend for Father's day(and possibly cat's day). He's now 25 and the cat is 13. He plans to buy a house this year and at last he will take the cat.

It’s not correct re landlords can’t refuse, they can, they just have to give a reason now.

We have cats and one of them would absolutely love to stay in my daughters Uni house, she doesn’t like going out and missed my daughter so much she barely leaves her room and when she is back she doesn’t leave her side and lays on top of her all the time. She would be much happier with my daughter.

And …. What….. uproot the cat every year? Every time he has to move? What happens to the cat in holidays?

Stupid idea.

Adding my voice that it won't be fair on the cat. It's a sentient being, not an object, and should be treated as such.

Your son will eventually want to start socialising with others, going to parties, late night cinema, stopping over at another's place and then what happens? You can't just throw food in a bowl and ignore it. It's best for all concerned if the cat stays at home.

Pah to that! Student (vet) son left his beloved cat at home with us. Then he and the flatmates, missing their pets, acquired rats. But in vacations, student vets have to go and"see practice" (all over the country) so some parent had to host the pet rats.

I declined on the grounds we had plenty of feral freerange rats at home.