Feeling sad and trapped today.

[Clarich007]

We rescued a homeless street cat 5 years ago in an emergency situation. He was living near a 4 lane busy road so dangerous I am surprised he didn't get run over.
This was only 6 weeks after my beloved soul cat had to be put to sleep due to kidney failure. My fault entirely, I should have said no. From day 1 I knew it was a mistake. He hid, was scared, nasty, lashed out. I have virtually no bond with him. 5 years down the line it's still the same.
He was free, but over the years has cost us thousands of pounds in vets bills. I think
he associates us with pain, illness and vet visits. He's always missing, we drag him back he goes again. He givs nothing of himself no affection just indifference or aggression
At the moment he's got cat flu, which is so
awful, plus some sort of gastric problems resulting in constant diarrhoea. He's fully vaccinated, up to date with flea treatment, wormers etc. Neutered and chipped, wears a collar. We have done everything in our power to help him.
The thought of years and years ahead like this is awful.
When I read these posts on here about how much their cats are loved, I feel so guilty also a bit jealous. I'm a cat owner of 40 years, had 5 previous cats who I loved completely. I would have been very judgemental of my post had I read it years ago.
I just feel down and trapped by him
The constant horrendous litter trays don't help at the moment. 5 or 6 complete changes a day. How do I get over this and tell myself off about tbese awful feelings? Thank you for reading.

How lucky your cat is to have found someone like you, who hasn't given up on him but has done everything to keep him happy and healthy.

His background obviously means he can't show affection as a lifelong housecat might, but I bet you do mean a lot to him.

It's always awful when your cat is ill, particularly if D&V are part of it. No wonder it's taking its toll on you. Don't feel guilty. You'll feel better once he recovers.

Oh arblemarch, thank you so much, your lovely reply brought tears to my eyes

We have a cat like that - weirdly this year we went on holiday and put him in a cattery. When we picked him up he was much more affectionate - it was as if he had realised he liked his home and his people. He's become more sociable - previously he wouldn't even sit in the same room as us.

As Arblemarch said you are doing a lovely thing and he is lucky to have found you. I hope he recovers soon and you feel less stressed - ill pets are a real strain.

That sounds so hard, op . Ablemarch has put it perfectly. A lot of people would have given up by now so he's very lucky to have you and a safe home.

I hope he's better soon and your load becomes a little lighter

To that ungrateful buggar you are his Angel. Ime most dpet owners feel used and taken for granted most of the time.
Our ddog was very stingey with her licks. I took it very personally and when she died I felt bereft that maybe she didn't really love me!! They make us doubt ourselves and our sanity ime. Imagine that dcat's life if you hadn't done what you have.

Hi Genial.
Haha we actually tried that 3 years ago and put him in a cattery. Brought him home, be went out and saw him 16 days later. Think he was getting his own back 😍

It is a real strain. I feel so so sorry for him too. On a lighter note, he has now settled about halfa mile away on his many trips out, nipped through a random cat flap. It just happened to be a friend of ours.. Coincidence or what? He visits 3 other homes, and is on many a wanted poster in our town. He's even been on the front cover of a local newsletter, and been filmed breaking into someone's kitchen!!

Thank you Lagney and santa. Your kind words mean a lot

That's how I feel about it too santa that he doesn't like me at all

Oh bless you, what a wonderful thing you have done for that cat🤗🥰

Whilst your dcat may not entirely realize it, they are incredibly lucky to have you, I don’t imagine many would have stayed the course💐 I hope things get better as their health improves.

I have a slightly indifferent cat. As a new cat owner I very naively had imaginings off me sitting on the sofa with a cat snuggled up to me every evening, what we have is a most wonderful cat who loves to be near us but not too near. 5 feet away is about as close as she will lie🤷‍♀️🤣 she will tolerate a head rub but even that, if it goes on too long she will just get up and walk off!

She is adorable though and we love her for her quirks and sulky behavior.

Gastric issues can be very draining and off putting. I have a very affectionate cat but still felt like I'd had enough of him after several days of non stop pooing everywhere. Hopefully when that clears up you'll feel a bit better about things.

Do you know what's causing the litter tray issues? The vet advised us to sprinkle a tablet of synbiotic d-c on our cats food each day and it resolved things very quickly.

You're doing a great job op and he's a very lucky cat to have you. Hang in there

Don'tKeep The Faith. Thank you for your lovely message. I really do appreciate it. 2 years ago he had gingivitis which turned into stomatitis and had to have all his teeth removed. It didn't resolve the problem, so as a last resort, our vet suggested Interferon treatment, which involved having his gum sockets directly injected the theory behind it being it would stimulate his immune system. She said she's never known many owners who would go to these ends, but I felt we had to give him every chance. £1.000+later it worked.
The next steps in his present treatment involve bloods ultrasound etc. The estimate so far is £700+. I'm a 70 year old pensioner on a fixed income which makes the whole thing more stressful. It's already cost me £300 this week. Thanks for listening. Sorry i am so negative.

Hi Belimoo
The vets are not sure what's causing the litter tray issues. It's been like tbis for 4 weeks now. Started with 3rd eyelids showing, developed into full blown cat flu, tben the constant runs. He's had numerous injections several wormers in case its parasitic, and paste to put into his food. Nothing is working. Next step on wednsday is the blood work ultrasound etc.

@Clarich007 you sound like the most wonderful cat owner. He's lucky to have you.

Oh op, after reading your update I think you're an absolute saint. I wish I could help.

I don't know how to put this without upsetting you ... but has the vet spoken to you about his quality of life right now and likelihood of that in the future? How old is he? I think there comes a point when giving pets stressful procedures that aren't guaranteed to work might not be in their best interests. I know from my own experience that a cat with toilet issues is generally not a happy cat, they are such proud and clean creatures and making a mess is stressful. Deep down - is he happy? x

Golly, your cat has a lot going on😢 You honestly do sound like a saint for all you have done for your cat🥰🤗 💐

Hello Lagney, no you haven't upset me at all. It's crossed my mind a few times this week, usually about 2am when I can't sleep. I think hes about 7 or 8, not sure really. He was an adult when we rescued him. Thank you for making me stop and think. It's so easy to stay on the roundabout of vets visits, more treatment and investigations. He's very scared but aggressive at the vets. It took 3 of us to restrain him at the vets on wednesday. He's definately not a happy cat, even day to day. He will sit hunched up and unresponsive.
I think I will have a talk with our vet on Wednesday about how realistic this treatment will be. I feel so sorry for him. All that makes him happy.. I think... is when he's off on his travels. Thanks all

I had a rescue cat that was like that with gastro issues. My home smelt of poo the whole time and I had to put him in a large cage at night otherwise it was everywhere.

My daughter adored him so I hung on in there until he got cancer. I missed him when he went but looking back I put up with it for a v long time and I am not sure that was the right decision.
When he was put to sleep the vet said not many would have given him a good life with his issues . He said many people would have put him to sleep long before and I wish someone had given me that option because I felt like I couldn't even mention it as it would be frowned upon because he was a happy cat despite the issues with his tummy. I felt I had to hang on in there for the long haul (and we are talking a couple of years here ) and of course we loved him but I would have chosen to make the decision a lot earlier if I had my time again.
So maybe it is time to look at your cats quality of life and whether it is viable long term to keep going. X

Flapjack, those words could be mine!!
I feel very guilty even thinking in those terms..Thanks for putting it into words. If I'm totally honest with myself, it would be a relief, but I feel awful even thinking it.

However, how do I bring it up with the vet, without her thinking I just want to get rid of him.? To her, he's just a cat with cat flu and gastric issues, and I suppose she's trained to think of solutions. I don't know, I'm confusing myself now. Thanks once again to everyone kind enough to reply. It means a lot and has helped

It's a conversation the vet will have had many times over. They need to know it's becoming financially difficult and it doesn't seem to be making the cat happy, plus it's making you miserable. Once the vet knows the whole story they will help you work out what to do for the best for you and your cat.

I am sorry, they really do know how to get to you. I am on a similar emotional roller coaster like you. Our cat has cost us a couple of grand in vet fees already and about to have a liver biopsy on Tuesday that was cost another grand at least. And still no idea what the issue is. Some days her behaviour of hiding, not eating, no purrs means I think this is it and I am ready to call time...then she perks up enough to stop that phone call. I hear you

Thanks Lagney. It's strange but I never thought of it that way. No disrespect to any vets on here, I just assumed they were there solely for the animal. That's very reassuring.

Pixiedust, I am sorry you are in the same position as me... Not nice is it, and so emotional all the different thoughts that occur. I hope you get good news on Tuesday. Will be thinking about you

I don't know how to say this gently, but are you sure his gastric issues aren't because he's being kept indoors when it's not what he wants?

If he lived on the streets as a feral/stray, that will be what he's used to and he may find being confined very stressful, hence why he "goes missing" all the time and you have to drag him back?

Not all cats are suited to a life indoors. Would he not be happier as a barn or farm cat somewhere?