Husband wants rid of cat

[lepetitfromage]

Yes, I know I should LTB 😁😁 but hear me out.

He reluctantly agreed to let me get a rescue cat a couple of months ago, I've posted pictures of our handsome puss here before. He's settled in very well after a couple of weeks of hiding, though I'm not sure he'll ever be the lap cat I hoped for. But has lots of funny little habits and definitely knows we are his family. Loves the kids. Not aggressive at all. We let him out after about 4 weeks and he'll always come back after a little wander about. Has tried to kill birds a few times (succeeded at least once) but has a bell now and has been very well behaved. Always, always uses his litter tray and is generally a good boy.

So far so good, you'd think. The issue is my husband hates having a cat. Can appreciate that Tom is a lovely cat and well behaved, though he's not buying the personality traits that we ascribe to the cat, thinks he's pretty boring (he's more of a dog fan). His main issue, however, is that the cat has taken over our living room. His litter tray is there because there's nowhere else to put it - I wouldn't have it in the kitchen, the downstairs loo and hall are way too small, so what else can we do? His climbing tower (of little interest to him tbh), water bowl and bed are in the living room too (though of course he sleeps on the couch!). We do have a second family room but DH feels that the cat has taken over, the room stinks and we've basically lost it to the cat. Me and the kids try very hard to keep it clean but there's no denying the cat sheds a lot of hair and though it is a covered tray and I clean up mess immediately, there's definitely a smell that wasn't there pre cat.

So what are the options?

1. Get rid of the cat
2. Get a cat flap (DH refuses)
3. Put the cat outside permanently
4. Any other options??

Me and the kids have got very attached but honestly, DH is miserable and was not really prepared for the disruption. I obviously love my husband more than I love the cat but equally I don't want to upset the kids. How can we fix this? And apologies for the epic message!!

Unpopular but I don't have a cat flap or a litter tray. I just open the door. I do have a dog though so the cat comes out with us first thing in the morning. I do use a litter tray during the winter though as he doesn't like going out if it's snowy.

We've had carflaps put into sash windows and a kitchen wall (different houses). Also had an elderly cat that was too thick or clever to use a catflap and used to request doorman service for the kitchen door. At least he used to meiow his thanks when let in or out 🐾
I hate litter trays (although have used them with each new cat being settled) and would side with your DH.

@lepetitfromage

The absolutely logical solution is of course a cat flap and I'm more than happy to put one in patio doors (really the only suitable place). But...we spent a small fortune getting our house renovated last year, the kitchen and patio doors are brand new, so he just will NOT contemplate "messing it up" with a catflap. And there's no way I'm having litter in the kitchen tbh, it just isn't big enough. We really are stuck!

"We are really stuck" you say. Only because you refuse to look at the options and take the least disruptive one, ie getting a cat flap.

cat flap - and we put litter box behind tv

24hr cat flap

Why does he get to demand what he wants? Is he always this controlling? I would absolutely insist on getting a cat flap. He is being petty about the doors. It's just glass, FGS.

My downstairs loo is tiny, and is pretty much taken up by the letter box. Tis fine

I use the recycled paper litter- it absorbs smells quite well

Cat flap is the only answer, cats are clean animals & prefer to go outside anyway...plus litter tray in living room is grim.

Get a small litter tray and I find it hard to believe you won't be able to slip it unobtrusively down the side of the toilet in the downstairs loo.

This morning, I watched DCat sneak out through the window, sit on the windowsill for a while then climb back in. He stretches up with his paws, climbs up the glass, sits on the top then climbs down. So funny.

We didn’t have a litter tray or a cat flap when we had our cat. It was never a problem.

I know you said that you use both living rooms but as a compromise could you reconfigure your furniture/how you use the rooms ? Put the litter box in the one you use less, near to a window? Having animals living with us will usually involve some compromise somewhere so your husband will have to accept a bit of the disruption!

I have cats and always have but there's no way I would want the smell of the food or litter box in the living room even as a cat lover so can definitely see your husbands point of view in that respect.

You only really have two options that I can see: get a cat flap (explore other options of where to put it that don't involve your new doors etc if that is non negotiable) or change up how you use your space. I have the litter box in the bathroom (I live in a flat so all on one level) and when a cat uses it, I scoop it and open the window for five minutes if the weather is cold or just leave the window cracked open when it is warmer. Is there anywhere it could go near to a window or door for easy airing? Put it in the downstairs loo even if it means having to step over it a bit? Maybe just use the upstairs loo?

at “is he always so controlling?” There’s always 1.

I’m going to go entirely against the grain here.

It’s very obvious that the OP talked the DH into having a cat and was likely reassuring about how minimally invasive a cat is. Clearly there was never any discussion of having a cat flap or that would have been dismissed from the outset and the OP would have realised that having a cat was an impractical idea.

The DH was likely told that the cat would have the living room while he settled in, clearly he hadn’t anticipated having to watch television with cat shit in his midst (OP says the cat doesn’t bury its crap so it’s right there for all to see,) or that the suggestion would be brought up to spend hundreds of pounds replacing a window which has just been installed with one with a cat flap. No, it is not simple installing a cat flap into a patio window, very few glass companies will do it, and it’s prohibitively expensive because it involves replacing the entire window.

A litter tray in the lounge is revolting.

And if the DH had said no from the outset, the same posters would be saying “is he always this controlling?”

Clearly the OP hasn’t thought this through at all and is now trying to blame her dh when things aren’t exactly working because it’s not practical for her to have a cat in the house they’re in.

PS: the cats protection league advise that cats not be left out at night because the cat mortality rate on the roads is much higher at night.

@TippledPink @moonbedazzled please please don’t flush your cat’s poo down the loo! It is harmful for wildlife because our water filtration plants cannot remove diseases/parasites etc that cats carry and this can harm and infect wildlife. Toxoplasmosis is the main one and harms otters and other mammals. Plus humans swimming in water. plumbingsolved.com/can-you-flush-cat-poop-down-the-toilet/

Covid is a classic example of why animal diseases can spread, mutate and cause harm far beyond the immediate wildlife impacted.

I once had to rehome my pup because my exh was abusive towards her and I couldn't keep her safe from him. I wish I'd dumped the ex first and kept the puppy.

Often people who end up doing awful things to other human beings start out by abusing animals. Cruelty to animals is a massive red flag.

Morning all, and thanks for the many replies. Without wanting to come across as defensive, I just want to address some recurring assumptions/questions.

DH is not at all controlling (yes, I yawned at this one too), and he actually likes the cat but hates having him poo in the hoise. He is allowed an opinion (isn't he?) as an equal partner in our marriage.
My downstairs loo is tiny, it's a 100 year old house with small dimensions and the loo was added under the stairs. Literally would be no use as a loo for humans any more if the cat litter tray goes in there. But am considering this option for night-time.
Cats Protection advice was to confine the cat to one room until, in his own time, he was ready to come out and see the rest of the house. As soon as he was ready, I moved food and water to the kitchen, but also keep water in the living room as he sleeps there at night.
I did do.my research and I was prepared for the disruption. But I'll be honest and say I played it down in order to convince DH. 😁
I already have a large lidded litter tray with a flap entry which by necessity is very big - the cat is a big boy, c. 6kg.
I'm not a total minger, some people seem to think I don't hoover at least once a day, open windows, spot clean litter immediately and disinfect and change the whole tray weekly. I can assure you, I do. However I still really do not agree that a living room is a worse place than a kitchen for a litter tray. I could not have litter in the kitchen and would rather lose one living room than my kitchen.
I also am less keen on punching holes in walls and doors and wondered if other people had managed without. I'm pleased to hear that others have cats who can indicate when they want to go out...to be honest our cat does already tell us when he wants out for a wander, but he comes home to poo!
So my next step is, I think, to listen to puss and learn the signs, move the litter tray outside in the day and see can we train him to go outside. We are both wfh so I hope we can work this out.
Also time to get rid of cat tower and reclaim the living room! He can sleep there at night because I prefer to take Cats Protection advice about keeping him in at night.

OP if you are both WFH you can definitely crack this, by moving the litter tray outside, and eventually you can probably do away with it altogether.

NO, NO, NO. You really can't remove a litter tray if you don't have a flap. It's stressful for the cat and you simply aren't around 24 hours a day even if you could 'learn the signs'. Even if you do get a flap then you still need to have a tray available, however it will hopefully be used less.

So you do have a wall you could put a flap in? Just do that! It's a wall - not the Cistine Chapel. It won't be ruined by having a cat flap put in it.

I have never had a tray in the house for an outdoor cat. My mums cat doesn’t have a tray or a cat flap, he is perfectly happy and fine to go out and regular times and do his business outside. It is not a blanket NO NO NO

@SmidgenofaPigeon

I have never had a tray in the house for an outdoor cat. My mums cat doesn’t have a tray or a cat flap, he is perfectly happy and fine to go out and regular times and do his business outside. It is not a blanket NO NO NO

It's a blanket NO to no tray and no flap if you care at all about the well-being of your cat. Yes there are people who do it, but that doesn't mean the cat is happy about it. I'm sure there are no rescues which would home to anyone who said they weren't prepared to have either a tray or a flap.

It's possible to manage without a tray if you have a flap - but there are many occasions when cat don't want to go out - if it's pissing with rain, if the ground is frozen, if there's a big scary cat/fox outside - and then they may well end up toileting inside somewhere or being stressed about the situation. And most cat as they get old will need a tray, so anyone who isn't at least prepared to have a tray shouldn't have a cat.

Ok @thecatneuterer.

I didn’t agree, because it can work out absolutely fine for many cats.
Not all cats have to use a flap. A window or knocking his regular outside times and asking if he wants out at any other time (someone is generally at home) works fine for my mums cat. He has a summer house he can access at all times if he wants shelter.

It’s not always ONE SIZE FITS ALL OR YOU ARE CRUEL AND SHOULD NOT BE A CAT OWNER. It really isn’t.

My cat detests his litter tray and will only use it in dire emergencies (i.e. when he couldn't go out for four days because the snow was up over his headand eventually used it on the last day).

If you have a sliding door can you not use a removable flap? It requires no damage to the door. We have one.

www.temporarypetdoor.com.au/aluminiumpetdoor.html?gclid=Cj0KCQjw8vqGBhC_ARIsADMSd1AEybu_L8JLs1W39NsFste-VYFI5tCLVVCwyTU4XZ75qxLgcH9oV3waAjGKEALw_wcB#description

@lepetitfromage

You'll have had most of this already but:

1. Litter tray OUT of the living room.

This will make a huge difference. I would HATE to have a litter tray in mine. I put one there when we first got our cat. Mistake, mistake, mistake. I stated developing almost a resentment towards the cat due to the smell, poor puss couldn't help it. Litter tray is now in the bathroom, window is always open a crack and bathroom door is closed until she scratches to go in (left open when we go out). No more smell.

2. Cat tree on eBay/to the tip. Not required, they're huge and completely dominate rooms. Puss will be happy enough on the sofa.

3. Be realistic about cat bed. If puss loves it, keep, if not, send it the same way as the cat tree.

4. Keep up the cat flap pressure. Are there any alternatives? Can you get one put in a window? Your cat is more likely to start going to the toilet outside if he knows he can run back in if he needs to.

Your husband might be more receptive once the litter tray/cat paraphernalia issues are sorted and he's not thinking of getting rid of the cat. Once he accepts puss ain't going nowhere he might relent to a flap.

I have a tiny kitchen. Litter tray is in kitchen. It's a covered tray though which helps and because we have a cat flap it never gets used either.

When Black cat was in feline lockdown (recovering from being hit by a car) the litter tray was cleaned the moment he used it.

We don't have that many cat toys in the living room because the cats are in and out all day having the time of their lives. When they come home all they want to do is sleep and they have a favourite bed to sleep in which minimises the hair situation.