Is my tortoiseshell cat spoiled by me

[Inappropriatefemale]

This isn’t exactly a life threatening dilemma but atm I have lots of stress in my life and my cat and her ways are stressing me more, I feel ridiculous saying that a beautiful little cat is stressing me out but it’s getting to the point that I don’t know if I can cope with her anymore.

I have had her since she was bang on 12 weeks old and she is now 2 years and a month old, the issue is that she cannot sit in a room without me in it and I spend lots of time in my room where she can sit on my bed but she seems to prefer sitting in the living room which is fine but she can’t seem to sit there without miaowing at me to sit in there with her, when I do go through and sit in the living room then all she does is sit there on the couch, not even on my knee or anything and it’s like she just wants me in the same room as her and if I won’t go through she will just constantly movie over and over, walk round the bed and back again, jump up stand at the side of the bed looking at me and “talking” at me until I give in (I know me giving in is the issue, it’s like having a child) and she is noisy about it, there is also the issue of the doors, now she gets to go anywhere in my small 2 bed flat as I keep all the doors open but I like my bathroom door closed 99 times out of 100 yet when it’s shut she miaows to get it open, I open it then she goes in for a minute and then comes out, if I dare shut the door then she just starts the miaowing all over again, this may sound silly but I feel like I’m starting to dislike her! She rules me and I have definitely spoiled her, she is my first cat so I have been silly to spoil her but the age old story is that she was and is so cute (she knows it and uses it to manipulate me ) so I stupidly spoiled her.

I don’t think my personal stresses are helping of course but I find myself shouting at her and getting annoyed and she knows my pissed off face so I’ll sometimes stomp towards her to tell her and she will run away for about 20 seconds and then comes back to me and does it all over again.

She gets plenty attention and cuddles from me but it’s like it’s never enough, I haven’t ever heard of a cat that likes/needs their owner to sit in the same room as them at all times, even if she is sleeping and I try to creep away then she wakes up instantly and follows me.

Is this just what cats are like? I have heard the saying that you own a dog but a cat owns you, or something to that effect! Help?

I'm not sure what the problem is? You are allowed to ignore her. I'm puzzled why it's causing you so much stress.

She sounds bored. Do you play with her? At two she will have loads of energy and need to play and run around. You might consider getting her a cat tree to climb and nap in.

Have you tried Feliway to calm her down a bit? I also sprinkle catnip in certain areas to encourage cats to sit on them rather than places I want to keep the cats off.

She sounds very closely bonded to you and your her safe place.

Try more play to tire her out.

@Toddlerteaplease it’s causing me stress because I can’t ignore it as her miaowing gets louder and louder when I do and my flat is small, also as I said in my PP then due to other issues then this ‘little’ issue seems bigger than it is.

To the others that posted then I agree that it’s probably not playing with her enough that is causing this and I admit, I’m not so good at playing for ages which is bad I know, my ex was better at this whilst I am the one that cuddles her, brushes her, feeds her and changes the toilet, playing was really down to him.

Thanks for all your replies.

She does sound bored. Does she go outside?

This is normal cat behaviour. My cat has been like this for the last 19 years.
But cats can be incredibly insecure, if they can't go out they will be very demanding as you are their whole world.
When you are not there they get very very stressed and have no idea if you are coming back or not.
My cat miaows round the house 100 times a day looking for me, she is elderly now so is much more demanding than she used to be.
Its much better if they can get out really because exploring and carrying out normal cat behaviour reduces their stress enormously and my cat does still love going out even if its just to sit by the back door in the sun.
Maybe you should rehome her if you can't stand her perfectly normal behaviour. Perhaps she would be better off with a place with a garden for her? It isn't fair to be angry, she doesn't know what she has done wrong and this will really add to her stress.

Do you talk to her when she's 'asking' you things?
If I can give time to my cat I will but if I cant I tell them no - in a conversational way. They seem to understand.
Also agree that this would probably not be an issue if your cat could go outside. She is entirely dependent on you for company and stimulation.

How long ago did the ex leave.? She may still be looking for them

I live on the top floor of a 3 storey stair so going outside isn’t an option, cats imo get into all sorts as outdoor cats and an outdoor cats average life expectancy, according to something I googled, is only 4 years so she isn’t going to get out and can she really miss what she’s never had? I know some will protest that they’ve had an outdoor cat for X amount of years etc but I am only going on what Google said and like I said it’s not an option so I’m not even considering it!

Ex didn’t live here anyway and he was perhaps only here for 1 week a month, if that so she isn’t looking for him, he hasn’t been here at my flat since June anyway.

I am sitting in the living room now and she is just sitting here, like I said she is calmer when I sit in the living room so it’s maybe just me sitting on my bed that she doesn’t like!

Re the talking: I speak to her lots!

Truth be told I have rarely left the house lately apart from to go to the shops so she isn’t constantly stressed about that, and when I do go to shops then I always say that I’m just going there and 9 times out of 10 then I’ll bring her something back so she knows when I say the word shop that I won’t be long, or at least I think she knows what this word means!

I am playing cat music to her on You Tube atm and she loves this, she is looking about wondering where it’s coming from!

Could you get her a laser pen toy? My cat is indoor and it's really good for getting him going and burning off calories. I can also sit on my arse Mumsnetting while he races around like he's on steroids.

If you're on YouTube find the Paul Dinning Videos for Cats. It's usually birds and mice. Leroy loves them 😁

Yeah I’ll get her a laser toy, I just had a delivery from Pets At Home last week as well but I didn’t get her this, I obviously have the wrong toys for her because she gets bored of them quick and in actual fact, usually after just 30 mins to 45 mins then she gets quite puffed out at chase play or something, she likes when I run and hide and she comes to find me, I suppose I’ve gotten a bit complacent with her which I admit and I need to play more without a doubt, it’s not all about cuddles and she doesn’t like being cuddled all the time and is very vocal when she doesn’t like being touched.

I am actually going to get her a leash and take her out as I sometimes stand at the window with it being wide open and hold her and she loves watching what’s going on outside, she probs would love to go out but it’s just not an option and I know many cats are okay with being house cats and as she has always been this way then there’s nothing I can do except take her out, I may get some funny looks as it’s not often you see a cat on a leash

I’ll check out the Paul Dinnings on You Tube, cat music is lovely to listen to myself I must admit!

My lad goes out on a harness. 2 walks a day. If you want any hints or tips let me know!!!

My mum has a harness for her cat to sit outside in her garden because she always runs away to the neighbours across from my mum and hides under the decking of their garden and gets all anxious and she is a well looked after cat so I don’t know she does that, so they had to get a harness with an extremely long lead so that they can wrap the lead section around the pole and the cat can go as far as to the gate but not beyond so I’ll get a harness incase my cat tries to escape, when my mum only had a leash for her cat then it would get out of it all too easy!

@YesItsMeIDontCare thanks I will, can I ask if you ever get any funny looks or comments because you take your cat out?

Loads 😂

I doesn't bother me though. Mostly people just come and talk to us and we have a nice chat. We don't go far but I'm "in" with the dog walkers and I know all of my neighbours.

A harness for walks is a great idea. Or even for her to sit in the grass and listen/watch the birds. It will add a missing element to her life. I know what you mean about indoor cats living longer, but if you are going to keep her indoors then you have to provide the enrichment that she would otherwise get from going outside.

Yeah I should screw what people may say about me taking my cat for a walk and just do it, after all she is more important to me than strangers in the street!

@Toilenstripes noted, thanks for all the advice.

As I write this then I am currently sitting in the living room and she is quite happily sitting on an old leather bag of mine, that she absolutely loves to sit on and scratch it (my cat has never taken to scratch posts or boards) and she in content and she actually went through to sit on my bed when I left the room, perhaps she just sometimes wants my bed to herself?

I do agree with a PP that my cat feels very bonded to me and according to google and all the feline related sites then when your cat follows you a lot and always wants to be with you, then it’s a sign of loving you so I should feel grateful that she does. Miaow

That is the alternative isn’t it? She’s thinking get off the bloody bed it’s snooze time.

@Fluffycloudland77 according to all that I’ve read about cats then apparently adult cats sleep for 15-16 hours a day! Not my cat but then she is very young still and she is small so looks like an ‘older kitten’ type thing!

Have you got many toys? They get bored so you need to rotate.

Zooplus sell some great ones they can play with by themselves.

Basic toys are drinking straws, ping pong balls, small balls of rolled up foil, string but don’t let her swallow it cos that’s a vets bill, cat nip mice that squeak (if she gets the squeaker out don’t hoover it up it never stops bloody squeaking) & Pom poms.

Yeah I know about the rotating toys, she is very much like some kids at Xmas who prefer to play with the boxes rather than the expensive toys they get, in that she has toys but prefers to play with cotton buds!

I got her £40 worth of stuff from Pets at Hime last week and I got her a vibrating mouse with catnip in it, she isn’t in the least bit interested in this, I got her 2 catnip cigars, she has played with/rolled about with them for about an hour in total, she got a toy that has a small base and then 2 thin poles that go around with plastic butterflies on them and the best toy I got her is a super roller circuit which lights up and a ball goes around and round in plastic tubes, and all she does is stare at it, I am crap at picking toys from the website so next time I’m going to actually go into the shop and look in the way that you obviously cannot do on the website.

I have just moved from the living room to the bedroom and within about a minute she had came through, she is now lying on the bed beside me!

A PP above mentioned that when you go out then the cat isn’t sure if your coming back but surely once they have lived with you long enough then they know that when you go out, your going to come back as I previously always have? She is quite funny once I’ve been out for a few hours and comes back, she talks at me extremely loud and gets louder and louder if I don’t sit down and cuddle her within about half a minute of coming in! She is extremely impatient too, if I’m making a coffee or doing the dishes then she always comes over and stretches out and scratches me on the leg, and if I don’t turn around within about 20 seconds then she “shouts” at me in that lovely way that only cats can, it’s quite comical

Typical tortie.

I feel for you. People in my life don't understand why "my cat keeps looking at me" is a problem! But when he's always looking expectantly at me, and I've tried feeding, playing, cuddling etc and I don't know what he wants, I feel under pressure!